My disorder

Am I too stupid or what?

 

I am, what people call, short in the mind, but this doesn’t make me stupid. I can think rational as any other but I have a disorder, I know that, and I live with that. The few friends I’ve had during my almost thirty year long life I cling to like glue, and I love them dearly. I know that some of them only played with me because their parents told them to. It was the right way, the good way, and the others because they felt sorry for me, sorry for my condition, my mental disorder, my short mind, but I love them still. Sometimes I like to blame someone for my condition, maybe my mother who smoked opium during her pregnancy or maybe the doctors at the hospital that made so many errors during my birth. But I blame no one, I am what I am I only wished people would accept me.

 

I have a short temper and I have trouble acting social. It’s not that I don’t talk, God knows I do that a lot. It’s just that people often lose interest so quickly when I speak; maybe it’s because of my handicap or maybe not. They see a man with a disorder and they think that I’m stupid, that all the things coming out of my mouth is drivel. Or maybe I just don’t cope well around healthy people, I don’t know. When I finished elementary school I was determined to prove them all wrong. I took courses in computer science, English literature and even human rights, so I could prove to them that I was just as smart as any other. I passed with excellence but when I meet people I know they greet me happily – as they were brought up to do - but they never stay long enough to listen to me. To listen to the things I’ve learned. I thought maybe it was because they knew me from before and that I had to meet new people to prove myself, but the pattern repeated itself and I always found myself standing in a shady corner watching the healthy people socialize.

 

When I apply for a job I always make it to the personal interview, but never any farther. Often I can see the disappointment in the employer’s eyes as I enter the room. I don’t want to be a child who needs handling, and I’m not! I’m almost thirty years old, I live with my mother and the only job I could get was at a fast food chain, selling burgers for a buck and a half. Maybe I am too stupid or maybe I’ve just had bad luck. I don’t know.

Author's Note

Dedicated to my dear friend who has overcome more obstacles than most. I'm here for you, buddy.

Reviews

[Gandré]

This is a wonderful story. I think, the character in this story is not stupid. He is just taking time with all his development. First of all, nobody is to blame but the success is in - making the circumstances his victim ! Secondly there are several books how to learn social behaviour. One can learn brevity and one can learn to talk and to answer only what he is asked about. Your friend must accept the past, for it is not changeable. He can influence his present situation and his future. There are many like him around us. This is the natural selection. There are several answers why. Perhaps he should not live with his mother anymore. taking care of himself would be a plus and make him stronger. He should do courses and educate himself and read. I would also talk to a psychologist, if insurence there and gain some advice (here we can do it in Germany any time).
You wrote amazingly simple and deep touching story. favorite. I loved it. thx for taking time and reading my "Eccentric". Much appreciated, David. be well. l.gandr�

[jen -- JG]

A sensitive and endearing write here, bringing the tortured soul to the forefont. This is too true, and so very sad that it is true.

Children usually don't mind so much about how other children look, or behave. They only see their friend, and really don't care if that friend is 'short in the head' or has anything else "wrong". Wrong here meaning "different to other people"

The unfortunate truth is, most of us fear what we don't understand and often have a preconceived idea on how someone should look, based only on the written word. That is so wrong.

I know people who are intelligent but far from being smart, and others who are smart but not at all intelligent.

This is a caring dedication to your friend.

Very Well Done

Jen

[J. Araujo]

"and I always found myself standing in a shady corner watching the healthy people socialize." its sad but you see this all the time. nice to bring some awareness on it.

[Deborah Leah Krempa]

This is so sad, it's a wonderful dedication to your friend. Thank you for sharing. Debileah

[shadadakiya]

that was a really great write i think we all have some kind of secret disorder not everyone shows theres thats all none of us are perfect thats for sure ,