"I Should Not Have"

You’ve done nothing wrong…

It has been me all along…

 

Those things I found were not your fault because you did your best to be as sly as a fox…

I should not have gone into our bedroom and opened that box…

 

The texts you received should not have hurt me…

I should not have pushed those buttons to see…

 

The calls you answered in which you spoke nothing of me should not have brought tears…

I should not have listened with my ears…

 

The photos I found that I told you bothered me you were kind enough to eventually delete…

I should not have looked for more when you told me they were obsolete…

 

When you made me a promise to not put her in your car and you did anyways, I know you tried to call…

I should not have been so rude to bring it to your attention at all…

 

When you looked me in my face and said that you tell me everything as you forgot to tell me some, I know you didn’t mean to lie, it only slipped your mind…

I should not have snooped as I know it’s not kind…

 

When I reread the sweet poem you claimed “you” wrote for me that you actually barrowed from someone who wrote it for you…

I should not have taken it to heart because you took the time to cut and paste it and push the button that sent it through…

 

When you told me all that time that you are consistent in your ways…

I should not have paid attention on your inconsistent days…

 

When you interrupted me as I talked to you, I know you were not thinking my conversation was less important as you spoke once more of your gadgets, work, and day, you were just being a man…

I should not have been so cruel to not let you go first once again…

 

When you told me several times you were going to take me to those special places for those moments that made me fall in love with you, I know with all your daily hard work you simply needed a couple year break…

I should not have given you so little time to reassure me you’re not a fake…

 

When you claimed making love to me would never get old…

I should not have counted the days gone by because by doing so it was me who made my heart turn cold…

 

So now you can feel better knowing that I don’t blame you at all, that I am fully admitting to all of my wrongs…

I should not have been so persistent in listening, seeing, questioning, blaming, or feeling anything all along….