The battle with addiction

*Little did you know
I had some dope in my bag
It's hard to say the truth
But I did intend to use.

I felt I had nothing to lose
I thought this was my choice to choose

But little did I know
An angel had my back
Her plan was a little different
She told me not to take that smack.

The devil told me to do it
Says it'll be okay
But chancing it & realizing what I have today
Drove me a different way.

The addict said stay
It's only for today
Do it or it's a f*****g waste
Don't throw that s**t away.

Packed up in paper
In a hidden spot safe
Maybe another day you'll want it
But my head said F**K that s**t.

The battle lasted hours
And at the end I was drained
Never did I ever
Think I'd be this way.

I know my life is worth living
I believe it's not my time
But all of my emotions lingering
Could kill me at the drop of a dime.

My head spins still
Back and forth over & over again
There is a void I'm trying to fill
And my salvation is this pen!!

Reviews

[angel]

I was there; driving to Hartford's seedier neighborhoods each Saturday morning to buy a few bundles to last the week. If not, I would begin to be sick. I went every week, with a few other addicts who were trying to get a good deal by pooling the cash and dickering for 'a DEAL, man!"
On the way home, those who use needles do so in the CVS parking lot, and the rest snort lines off CD cases or hand mirrors,carrying a razor blade and a cut-off straw with them always. Those little yellow packets, sometimes blue or white,with some sort of brand logo on it...'red dragon', exploding skull, etc.
I wasn't as far in as some. Those who had built up a tolerance needed 3 or 4 bags--in a needle--at once! Once a guy ODed, and we dropped him, unconscious, in front of the hospital. Thank God, he made it.
Took me almost a year to get off it, so yeah,I get it, my friend.
Very authentic sounding; I hope it is not real, dear one.I hope you have real support. Emotionally, you will have mine.

[barleygirl]

The reason your poem is so truthful & convincing is becuz you do NOT paint the narrator like a worthless addict incapable of exerting control. Your narrator sounds like an intelligent person who sees her life choices honestly & she's sharing how it feels to be torn by a choice that should be easy but isn't. Having been addicted to a number of things over my life, I can say you really nailed it with realistic details & the vacillating thoughts, trying to stick with a decision (((HUGS))) Fondly, Margie