My soul within me

This poem is about an online relationship I had that didn't work out.

My heart soars within me,

I fall to one knee

Dear sweet little button,

Will you marry me?

Alas she speaks of others yet

A twisting of a heart so young

Faithfulness have I yet met?

Cacophony of hurt has rung

My heart sinks like falling leaves

My soul rages and mind grieves

For now I know my foolishness

depravity that I won't miss

For blind and wretched I stumble so

Weak and weary I shall go

Unto glory, unto pain, unto

never-ceasing taint, 

of all I loved as love grows faint

Author's Note

If anyone would like to add any corrections or comments on how I can write better that'd be great!

Reviews

[R.E. Ray]

Dan, I think it’s a good start. You can obviously write well. Not sure why, but it doesn’t flow well for me. The first line in the second stanza confuses me. Still, I get a clear image of unrequited love and the devastation it brings, until we believe again. I like what you’re doing with this one.

[Dan]

Thanks for the feedback! In retrospect I understand why that line makes little sense and as for the flow it definitely needs work. As for the theme so to speak, I was going for someone who loved and then feels like they've made a huge mistake loving someone who isn't faithful. (at least that was my idea)