The Doctor's Prescription.

(A doctor and first time mother are in the doctor’s office.)

DOCTOR: I have some news for you about your new born baby.

MOTHER: Oh, my. What is it Doctor?

DOCTOR: Your baby was born with only half a brain.

MOTHER: Oh, my goodness!

DOCTOR: It’s not all bad. It’s more than the majority of the population.

MOTHER: Does the little critter have a future, doc?

DOCTOR: Oh, the little critter should be fine. His job opportunities will be very limited, though. His only hope for any kind of profession would be slam poetry or politics.

MOTHER: There is no money to be made in slam poetry.

DOCTOR: Yes, so I am sorry to say his only hope is to go into politics.

(Mother starts to cry hysterically)

DOCTOR: And what does the father do?

MOTHER: (Still crying) He’s a slam poet.

DOCTOR: Oh, my…Is he also a liberal English teacher?

MOTHER: (screams) Yes!

DOCTOR: Whatever were you thinking?

MOTHER: (Sniffs) I’m attracted to middle class pretension and mediocrity!

DOCTOR: It is a disease. We still haven’t found a cure. And how long have you had such feelings?

MOTHER: Well, it started when I went to my first slam poetry gig. I’d never read poetry before and the monotonous rhythm and simple metaphors of day to day life really spoke to me. I fell in love with the father of my baby when I saw him perform a poem about the one time he felt suicidal. The line ‘’my parents may have brought me up, but their old fashioned ways really got me down.’’ really got my knickers wet.

DOCTOR: Well, I hope you’ve learned your lesson? I shall prescribe you some Shakespeare. Two pages of Twelfth Night in the morning and three pages of Hamlet before bed.

MOTHER: Thank you, doc.

DOCTOR: Do you ever find yourself thinking everyday conversation is a slam poem?

MOTHER: Oh, yes, doc! Sometimes I can’t work out what is what anymore. I can be at the bus stop and over hear a conversation and when it ends I start to clap and cheer.

DOCTOR: Yes, dear me. The best thing you can do for you and your baby is to move to France. Bring your baby up French. Yes, they’re pretentious but they’re not pretentious about it.

MOTHER: Really?

DOCTOR: Yes, really.

MOTHER: Is there any chance my baby will have a fully grown brain?

DOCTOR: I’m sorry to say, no. The little critters fate is sealed. If anything it may get smaller when he goes to university.

(Mother faints)

End.

Reviews

[Nix is typing...]

I've never read a stage play before, and I have to say, I don't know why I haven't. I loved this! Thank you for making my first stage play reading enjoyable!

100/100

Nix ❤️

[Ookpik]

"I'm attracted to middle-class pretension and mediocrity" and "they’re pretentious but they’re not pretentious about it."

Really got my knickers wet, sir - class A satire. 👌

-Ook