Honest Pure Disgust.

 

I SPENT THE EVENING LISTENING TO BEETHOVEN, Stravinsky, Grieg and the film scores of John Williams, while reading Schopenhauer, passages from the Bible and Shakespeare. At times I felt the perfect purity of that which transforms the world. The bebop of perfect beauty. It did not last because I had not yet slayed all the dragons of my mind. I meditated, practiced yoga and often lit incense. I liked the sweet smells of the sun-kissed golden aromas. They cleansed the unseen parts of my being that most are too afraid to touch. I closed my eyes and sometimes experienced the hot-cold calm of the far off shore of eternity and came to understand I lived in an age of spiritual poverty. It was a kind of honest pure disgust.

That night I went to my local village pub. It was small and shabby and had a great open fireplace that you could warm your hands upon on cold winter nights.

The regulars spread their drunken words like butter onto the wooden tables. They spoke in short waves and long tides.

They often played cards, dominoes, darts and other various games. ‘’B*****d’’ ‘’F**k’’ ‘’ what bad luck!’’ were words often heard among those partaking.

I went to the bar, bought a drink and sat down near the pool table. The sound of the balls trembled and rattled my teeth. I sipped my drink and felt my lips quiver and my face widen. It must have been obvious as it drew attention and a man came over to me…

‘’Fancy a game of cards?’’  the man asked.

I said yes.

He must have thought me simple as we ended up playing snap. He won the first set. I won the second and third.

‘’Damn you and your fast hands!’’

He looked at me sharply.

‘’Fancy a wager?’’ he said.

‘’OK’ I replied.

‘’OK. The best of 3. £20 to the winner?’’

I didn’t have £20 but I thought what the hell.

I won the first set and I let him win the second to make it more interesting. At this point I was holding all the cards…sweat ran down my opponents’ brow. I placed the cards, one by one, onto the table patiently waiting for the right time to pounce. I could feel in the vibrations of the cards the right time was coming up…I put down the king of hearts, then the 3 of spades and then SNAP! The winning card was the 3 of hearts!

‘’ B*****d!’’ the man shouted

I bought him a pint and left with £17.10. I looked to the sky, and felt a kind of honest pure disgust.