The Real Thing.

There is a certain kind of death before life. Akin to the idea of time. Before birth there lays the eternal individual, there in the mouth of heaven, vocal cords are ready to vibrate and sing. If we are lucky, we shall sing as a flower sings, or a tree and be unheard in the world.

Miss Baudin agreed and was convinced that pregnancy is the closest you can come to magic. That to be pregnant was a way to bring you closer to the real thing. Her dog had just given birth to twelve puppies and was in a state of high visions during her pregnancy. This was no virgin birth. So, Miss Baudin had her doubts. In her darkened sleep she averted her eyes and had not counted on the existence of dreams and became paralyzed with terror. Waking up in fits of panic and wet with sin. Those evil symbols of hell. In flesh and blood our lies manifest. Miss Baudin was pregnant. That is to say ready to burst. She had desires trapped in her body that crushed her organs. Her doctor had no way of relieving her agony as the root was not physical but spiritual.

''I want to be eaten'' Miss Baudin explains.

''What do you mean?'' replies the Doctor.

''I want to be absorbed like light.''

''Impossible''

''I don't want to be myself any longer.''

The doctor blushed at such a comment for he too felt anguish. Thus, like looking into a mirror it was too much to bear.

It was a certain kind of suicide.

Miss Baudin was now starting to realise that her language had lied to her. And within hesitation she had conceived a judgment. There was no way of giving birth to it. For there is an error in judgment. Out of devotion Miss Baudin held on to it. There, placed in her gut, a vague temptation.

Her stomach ached like a forest tangled in its own leaves.

It echoed out through her eyes.

Survival was raised to the heights of heaven.

It was obvious what needed to be done. For she needed to venture deep. She reached out her hand and begged: ''Give me strength! My savage stars are too distant and I cannot rid myself of uncertainty.''

Because the moon was full her prayers were answered and she entered the forest. There was a yellow shine that illuminated the forest. Miss Baudin wandered a little bit and soon enough Miss Baudin felt a tingling in her ear; a voice talking what seemed like gibberish. After a little while she felt assured it was just her imagination. She breathed in deeply until silence came over her. Then the voice once again was heard...this time Miss Baudin understood what was being said:

''I am here and never shall you be rid of me...''

Miss Baudin's veins began to wither and tighten. The shadow of her feeble body hunched beneath her breath. Her head began to throb with intensity. It became so bad she fell to the floor; her hands over her eyes.

Then in a pale of smoke a creature made its way out of Miss Baudin's ear. The creature was goblin like in appearance. Eyes glowing like a dark sun.

''You looked too deeply...You have seen too much...'' the creature remarked.

The creature then placed his left hand upon Miss Baudin's forehead. She felt an electric shock pulse through her and then without warning was transported into her kitchen. There she was at home, at a loss not knowing the real thing.

It was now hard for her to sleep and she did not dare to pray.

A scab had developed on her forehead. She picked at it so much it bled. She wore a scarf around her head as to not be questioned about her obvious affliction.

But it wasn't enough to hide such deepening disfigurements.

It got so bad she became a hermit. Never going out the house or seeing other people. Except her mother who visited her once a week.

She told her mother that she was expecting.

''Who is the father?' her mother asked in surprise.

''There isn't one''

Her mother fainted and collapsed to the floor.

And so, there was only one thing to do.

Miss Baudin entered the forest once again.

Her ear vibrated and itched.

The voice came...

''I am here...''

''Yes, you are'' she replied.

And out of her ear came the creature.

She felt like the mother of God and so placed her hand upon the forehead of the creature. Then, out the creature's ear came more creatures. Miss Baudin panicked and then fainted. She awoke in her bed with her mother looking over her. But it was not the real thing.