Before I awake

I walked down the dark street, with the rain soaking me - making my make-up run down my face and clothes stick to my shivering body - but I didn’t care the tiniest little bit. In the last few days my entire life, hopes, plans and dreams shattered into little pieces in front of my eyes. I never felt so helpless in my whole life. But accept from helpless I was broken. And not just heartbroken, I was broken beyond repair. My mind was all over the place, unable to sort itself out. At that moment in time I would have thought it wasn’t something that could ever be fixed.
And I was glad it was raining. No one could see the flood of tears coming out of my eyes. Well, there was no one around to see my tears anyway as the street was empty - just like me. There was nothing left in me just the horrible, smouldering pain that made it hard for me to breathe.  
My body shook violently but it wasn’t the cold that was causing this. To be honest I could hardly feel the cold - I could hardly feel anything.  What was there left to do? Where was there to go? Who was there to live for? That was certainly the wrong way to think. Of course there were people that still needed me - still cared. My brother for example. Him and his girlfriend care for me don’t they? Well they weren’t here when I needed them the most. But then again nobody was. All my friends, who I thought would always be here, turned their back on me. They said I changed; they said I was different. I didn’t believe it then, now I guess they were right. Ashley was right. I shouldn’t have left all my friends for you because if you left me I’d have nothing or no one. I denied to believe that back then and only now I’ve realised how stupid it was of me. But you’ve said forever, what changed?
I kept walking, lost in thought, the nears nowhere near stopping. At least I could control the sobbing… a little bit. You was my everything and I guess you still are. But I’m your nothing. You don’t need me, you don’t want me, you’ve made yourself clear. I can still hear your voice when you said those words that tore me apart. Your tone as cold as the look in your eyes. And your face… so dead. Not a sign of any emotion. I could picture it perfectly. It was there whenever I closed my eyes, hunting me in my dreams that now became nightmares. I want nothing more than for your face to fade away.