Prologue

 

My dad picked up a guitar and gently strummed it. It quickly turned into a melody, which at the time I didn't recognize.

"Brianna, I'm going on tour soon, you'll be a good girl for Grammy right?" He asked me. I nodded, and looked around my dad's old room.

An ACDC poster, his own band’s first posters, guitars, picks everywhere. Sheets of music all around.

He smiled at me and hugged me.

"Can you sing me one last song before I leave?" He asked. I nodded and started singing for him. One of his songs, the one he wrote for me.

 

What a little angel,

Center of my world.

If I had to pick anyone,

I'd pick my little girl.

 

He smiled and kissed my forehead, handing me the guitar.

"Take care of Sammy for me Brianna. We'll be back by Christmas." He said. Sammy was his first ever guitar. An acoustic guitar had the name SAMMY engraved in it. It belonged to my uncle who died shortly after my cousin Tony was born. I wasn’t even born then, so I never knew him. Tony and me where 2 years apart.

 

I took his hand and we walked to the front of the house. My mom kissed my forehead and hugged me tight. My dad did the same, and they hugged Grammy, and left.

"I'm tired." I told Grammy.

"Go to bed. In the morning' we'll have blueberry pancakes." She said.

I walked off to my room, put on my nightgown, took Sammy into my arms, and slept.

_____________________________________________________________________________________

 

The next couple of days, I sat in my new room, playing random tunes on the guitar and singing stupid lyrics. Grammy decided one day that I should go to the park with my cousin Tony, but I didn't want to. I was finally getting the hang of how to play the guitar properly. I was playing songs pretty well by then, and was trying to learn one of my dad's songs by ear.

She got mad at me and told me to just take the guitar with me. I did.

When we got there, I sat down at a bench and took out the guitar.

Since my parents left, I decided to wear my dad's old stuff out of the back of his closet.

Today, I sported a Top hat with purple jeans and a blue shirt that said my dad's band name. One the original shirts they sold as a cover band.

 

I started playing one of their songs, singing along when two people started listening. They where as old as my parents. I took off my hat, and put it on the ground and started a new song, a Beatles song. After a couple verses, they threw some coins in. I kept on playing and more people came, throwing more coins. I kept on playing and singing, changing songs, or replaying them because people liked them.

After awhile, I had 8 dollars.

Then, someone showed up, wearing a shirt with my dad's band name on it.

"Hey, my dad's in that band!" I shouted to him. He came over and looked at me.

"And who might you be?"

"I'm Brianna St. Claire." I said. He looked sad all of a sudden and shook his head. Muttering "Poor kid."

 

When it started getting dark, I collected my money and put it with my guitar in it's case, and went to find Tony. He was sitting with his friends, laughing, but when I came around, they stopped. They looked at me, then to Tony who told them not to say anything.

"Had fun Brie?" He asked.

"Yeah, I made 8 dollars." I said. He looked puzzled.

"Doing what?"

"I was playing my guitar and these people started putting money in my hat."

"Cool. Let's go. Bye guys." Tony said. He took my guitar and waved to his friends.

Reviews

[Eldee]

I would have liked to see a little bit more length to it, and you could have done that either by stretching the story out with descriptions or allowed time to flow more naturally instead of hurrying it along. Knowing the name of the father's band would have also added more livelihood to the story as well as create more characterization for both the daughter and the father. Descriptions of everyone would have also provided better characterization. If you add a little more depth to the story then I am positive that you will have something great on your hands!

[Samantha Evans]

And you say I'm depressed...how can you kill off someone's parents? Haha, I'm just joking Danny. Anyways, I like the Prologue, although i think you should make it less obvious, make it a little longer or something but other wise it's very good!.

-Samantha

[LongTale]

You should use Uncle Andre's name instead of, "He" for the first world. I like that he is an uncle so his title defines the relationship. It makes the scene more fleshed out. Describing the room is a good way to show information about the Dad. If you would have given the reader a view about why she and the uncle were in his room, you could have given a great picture of the family relationships. This would help the reader have the right reaction to the death of the uncle.
The last sentence isn't very powerful. Seven years old and I was an orphan. It's no surprise I grew up the way I did.