tales of an addict

revised version

I despise you

I despise myself

I really hate you

But I hate me even more

 

Gnawing gashing and tearing into me

Evil demons struggling to escape from within

 

Losing myself

 

I try to escape

Run as far as I can

But you drag me back in

You know me too well to let me go

 

Even though I desperately want to quit

 

I still run back to you

The thing that I hate

The thing that makes my skin crawl

Makes me want to crawl in a corner and cry

 

A chain around my soul

Keeps me coming back for more

Weighed down by my guilt and shame

And you are the only one to blame

 

I pray for eternal forgiveness

I pray that God will forgive my sins

But my prayers fall upon deaf ears

After all how many times can you be forgiven

for the same sin?

 

You sicken my stomach

Make me want to vomit

The temporary pleasure it brings

Makes my body numb

 

Crying myself to sleep

My blood runs cold

My body aches

I need my fix

 

You make me feel so small

Worthless piece of trash

 

I hate you!

 

(No, I hate me) 

 

Reviews

[Hiddenfire]

I like the fact that you bracketed the final line, to me it makes the voice sound almost like a whisper or an after thought and it makes for a nice final touch. The whole poem is raw with emotion, mainly anger and despair, and I get this image of the person in the story just raising their fists at the sky and screaming Ughhhh!
I thought it was well written and just the right amount of descriptive.

[Mockingbird]

i like the reality of this poem. i know what it's like to have self-loathing and to fight with addiction. it's a sensitive subject but you tackled it really well.

[....]

I LOVE this so much, deep rooted and powerful.