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A Poem by Danielle Olivia

Watch the rats as they fester and feed

Watch the rats as they continue their greed

See the rats as they run and scurry

See the rats as they have no worry

Hear the rats as they whisper and squeak

Hear the rats as they torture the weak

Listen to the rats as they manipulate and lie

Listen to the rats as they laugh while others die 

© 2012 Danielle Olivia


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In most cases with this much repetition I would say it wouldn't work at all, strangely though I think it fits this poem quite well. I also like the fact you managed to end each verse in a rhyme, harder than you would think esp. considering the entire poem focuses solely on rats, or people if you view it that way, and their habits and nature.

Posted 12 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.




Reviews

like a disturbing chant in my head. very effective style.

Posted 12 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

I agree with Coyote a good title would be "Rat Race" This is really amazing, I love the flow and rhyme scheme, you are very talented.

Posted 12 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

In most cases with this much repetition I would say it wouldn't work at all, strangely though I think it fits this poem quite well. I also like the fact you managed to end each verse in a rhyme, harder than you would think esp. considering the entire poem focuses solely on rats, or people if you view it that way, and their habits and nature.

Posted 12 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

A good title would be "Rat race". I like the desire of this poem. Seem we are running in circle and doing very little. No weakness in this poem. Just a powerful poem to create thoughts. Thank you for the excellent poem.
Coyote

Posted 12 Years Ago



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4 Reviews
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Added on February 18, 2012
Last Updated on February 18, 2012

Author

Danielle Olivia
Danielle Olivia

Toronto , Canada



About
I am an undergraduate student currently in my first year of university. Since I could remember I knew I wanted to be a writer. A journalist just like Lois Lane. I dont limit myself to one specific g.. more..

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