Chapter 3

What is this?'

Tamara bit her lip to suppress a laugh. She was looking rather funny giggling among the busy people on the streets.

'Mom sent me a message? Wow!' She chuckled at the idea of her mother typing on an actual phone.

'Don't forget about today smiley face.'

'Did she actualy write smiley face? This is so much fun.'

Entering the building, Tamara put her phone on silent and placed it inside her brown coat pocket. She let her steps quide her into a room with peaceful green coloured walls where she greeted the nurse and made herself comfortable in a chair.

"Good morning, sweetheart! Ready?"

"As I will ever be!" Tamara returned the nurse-s smile and rolled up her sleeve so the nurse could puncture the vein to extract some blood.

"It hurts?"

"Not really. It's just a pinch. Plus, I kind of got used to it."

The nurse smiled again, placing a band aid over the vein.

"Put some pressure on it, Tama, while I write some things down."

"Sure."

"Hold it there for 5 minutes to stop the bleeding. You know your blood."

Tamara nodded and did as she was told. She sat there watching the nurses doing their job. Involuntarily some old memories came back: a little girl with the same grey eyes and chestnut brown hair walked in, her lips quivering with fear while holding her 'Puppy the Pooh' at her chest.

'Mommy, I don't like needles! I want to go home!'

'Dear, we have to do this,' Her mother bent down and kissed her cheek, wiping a stranded tear off her cheek.

'I don't want to!'

The scared little girl tightly embraced her toy, rubbing her left eye.

With sorrowful eyes, a sad grown up Tamara smiled at the tiny child that pouted and clutched at her mother's dress, begging with her adorable eyes. Her father sadly smiled, too, knowing what his daughter would experience monthly from then on. At least she lived...

He gathered the girl at his chest and picked her up, placing her in a chair in front of Tamara. Her father continued to soothe kind words while the little one adjusted herself there, swinging her feet. Then, the nurse turned from her desk, walking forward to the little girl.

"Tamara, you may go."

She snapped out of it, "Thank you! Have a nice day!"

"You too child!"

Tamara rolled down her sleeve and exited the room. Those images were still haunting her mind she just let them fill her thoughts for a short term because she completely trusted her feet to take her to her next stop while she meditated.

She wondered how did that pretty little girl coped with it months and years, and how did she grew to be afraid of rabbits when deep down she loved them. Everything changed, slowly, really slowly: eyes grew tired, smiles grew neutral and complexions paled. What was once had been denied and replaced. Rational became irrational, and pointless became a general truth.

Shaking those thoughts, Tamara rubbed off the things she considered nonsense and knocked on the door before entering another room.

"Um, hello, is Doctor Hayes here?"

"Do you have an appointment?" The rigid looking nurse inquired harshly.

"Yes."

"Let me look it up for you," The old nurse put on her owl like glasses and typed on a computer then negatively shook her head, "I'm sorry, Miss, but there is no appointment at 9 am. In fact, there is no appointment until 12 o'clock.

"Oh, but I called Doctor Hayes yesterday and he told me to come today at 9."

"I understand. Let me call him for confirmation."

"Of course," Tamara smiled. The nurse, Jane Morgan, whose name she considered a very common one and, in the same time, beautiful, returned the smile (shockingly) and moved her round body next to the table from where she picked up a phone and dialed a number.

"Good morning Dr. Hayes. I'm sorry to disturb you, but there is a Miss," She paused and raised an eyebrow at Tamara.

"Tamara Lorin."

"Tamara Lorin stating that she has an appointment right now. Yes, yes. I understand. Sure. Yes. Goodbye!" Jane turns to face Tamara, "Well Tamara you were right, but the Doc can't be here because of some sort of emergency. He asked you to return near lunch time."

"Oh, sure! I'll come back later. Thank you Mrs. Morgan!"

"You're welcome, child!"

Tamara turned on her heels and exited the room, getting inside the elevator. She pressed the ground floor button and listened to the catchy pretty song.  Afterwards, foot after another, Tamara made her way to the exit.

She didn't worry about absenting from work that day. She missed only one hour, so, putting on her serious looking face, she took two steps at the time to get back. Tamara actually enjoyed working although sometimes it was nothing but a headache.

Having no second thoughts, she increased the speed, reaching the building in less than 25 minutes.

***

"Jane! Catch her!"

Everything around Tamara seemed to be made of glass. Nothing came in, nothing came out. Hazy. Each sound was very much there, but to her it seemed to fade away. Her vision started darkening and narrowing.

"Tamara. Tamara! Can you hear me?"

"Tamara, it's done now. We're done. Jane, stay with her."

Slowly, the vision came back to normal, but the feeling of spinning did not disappeared. Her head hurt a little bit.

"It's alright, darling. It's all over now," Jane soothed while rubbing her back, supporting Tamara so, in case of experiencing faint, she would not fall.

Doctor Hayes twirled in his chair from the desk to Tamara and smiled while removing the programming tool that had been placed on her chest.

"That was the last test," A doctor in his late 40s let her know, "You're ok?"

"I guess so," Tamara returned a polite smile and drew a hand to her head, "but I think my head hurts and still spins."

"You'll be okay," Doctor Hayes crossed his arms over his chest, "Now, when did these symptoms start to manifest?"

Tamara thought for a second then replied, "Well, a month ago. Also, beside being in a general state of tiredness and dizziness, I've experienced syncope once, probably, a week ago."

"Hm, so you fainted. I'm not going to lie to you because you're all grown up now, but I'm afraid that the battery is getting low. You have to consider a re-implantation as soon possible."

"Can't it be reprogrammed to preserve the battery for a little longer? I mean, you did that before. Can't you do it again?"

"Completely out of the question," the doctor shook his head in disagreement, "Prolonging the battery life by reducing the parameters it would irrelevant in this case."

"I know I'm being irrational, but my last exam is coming soon. I can't afford the luxury to suffer a surgery."

"It is either the surgery or nothing. You know the consequences of not having a replacement."

Tamara put her head down and heaved a long sigh.

"What a predicament," she paused then looked up at the doctor, "Fine, then. I will think about it."

"Good! You can go now."

"Thank you. Goodbye!"

Tamara took her coat again and entered the elevator. She pressed the G button then got out of it, walking to the exit. Her phone vibrated in her pocket. She sighed and dragged the green circle over the screen.

"Tamara! Where are you? You're late!"

"I know, mom. I'm sorry, but I went to the hospital-"

"Hospital? Why? Are you alright?" A mother's alerted voice hurt Tamara's ear.

"I'm fine, don't worry. I just stopped by for-"

"Doesn't matter. Where are you? You were supposed to be here 3 minutes ago!"

"Seriously, mother? Three minutes?"

"You have 15 more minutes to get to the studio."

"H-hello? Mom? Hello?"

'Great! She hung up on me. Oh, man! People are looking my way. How embarrassing!'

"Ok, ok. Bye!"

Tamara hung up and heaved a relieved sigh. It was awkward to pretend she was still talking on the phone when the other person was not on the line.

"Tamara!"

'I think it's time for me to start my own practice in Psychology instead of working in a bookstore or an architecture firm. Plus, I have enough experience-'

"Tamara!"

She jumped and realized that she did not imagine someone was shouting her name. She stopped right outside the hospital and looked back, scanning the direction where the voice was heard.

"This is the last place I would think we'd meet, but I'm glad to see you again!"

"Aron, hi! I'm glad to see you, too!" Tamara genuinely smiled.

Mirroring her smile, Aron asked: "What are you doing here?"

"Oh! Here?" She pointed to the hospital, a silly guilty smile playing on her lips, Oh, well, blood tests," She stated confidently.

"Blood tests?" Aron repeated skeptically.

"Yep, blood tests," She declared again.

"Blood tests are taken in that building," Aron pointed at the building across them.

"Ah! Well, anyone can get lost in here. It's huge!" Tamara justified herself.

"Something tells me there's more than just blood tests."

'You have no idea!'

"Anyway," She waved her hand dismissively, "You're wearing a white coat. Could you be a doctor?"

"I'm a resident."

"I see!" Tamara nodded and instinctively looked at her watch.

"Oh no! I'm late!" She looked up at him with knitted eyebrows, "I have to go. I'm really really sorry!"

"It's alright. I have to get back too," He smiled, "Bye!"

"Bye, Aron!"

He waved and ran inside the building. Only then Tamara was able to sigh relieved.

'That was close!'

She mentally wiped the non-existent drops of sweat, hopping in the bus. She took a seat next to the window. All she wished right that moment was for an empty mind. She wanted to just look out the window and think of nothing, but as she was concentrating on nothing, Tamara started to admire the spring with its graceful flowers and half rosy half green trees. There were yellow, pink, red, blue, orange flowers. Orange! Perfect colour for a dress!

A peach knee-length business dress, matched with a pair of black strapped heels, hair nicely pulled up in an elegant bun right above the back of the neck. That was such an excellent choice unlike the pink one her mother had chosen. Pink was not bad. She liked pink, but too much... Uh, no.

Tamara subtly shook her head at the colour and rested her head on the window, looking at the busy streets, crowded by the high buildings. Suddenly, she jumped remembering that on that street was her favourite tree in the whole city. Every spring that cherry tree would give birth to the most beautiful cherry flowers.

The bus stopped and Tamara got out of it. She stopped to admire the tall figure of the tree, then passed by the majestic willow tree that was next to it. She liked willow, too, but she had been always wondering why there was a willow tree. Right in the middle of an industrialized city. A willow tree!... Weird.

She opened the door for Z.I.D Portraits and entered Irene and Denis' family business, a small but decent one. The late 30 year old Zagrebian couple, even though had a little friendly connection with each of their clients, they knew how to remain professional. That was why Tamara really liked them.

"Miss Lorin, please, come, come!"

"I'm sorry I'm late, Irene," Tamara pulled a lock of at the back of her ear.

"It's alright. I don't actually tolerate it, but I feel wonderful today so I guess I'll forgive you. Now, go get changed!"

"Yes, madam!" She playfully saluted.

In 20 minutes, Tamara was ready. Dressed and beautiful. A soft pink long dress was completing her plaited hair pulled up in a royal-like bun. Her mother was wearing the same dress, while her father and brother, who came back only for those photos, got to wear black suits, white shirts and... pink bows. Each year was the same.

"What took you so long, Tamara?" An infuriated mother roared, trying to keep her voice down.

"I'm sorry. How many times do I have to apologize?"

"What are you whispering there? Let's hurry. I have to get back to work. "

"Dad, it's Sunday," Tamara said with a 'really? really, dad?' look.

"Tamara, you too need to complete the report you should have finished last week."

She opened her mouth to speak but closed it.

"Ok everyone. Gather around!"

Denis clapped his hands, "Let's start the photo-shooting!" He gave instructions to Tamara to sit in the chair in the left, Ruben to stand behind her, and her father and mother on the couch.

"Chin up, Tamara!" Shouted Irene, "and keep your back straight! Both hands on your lap! Ruben, no hump and chin up, too!"

"You should ask your English girlfriend to teach you how to stand up straight," Tamara's giggles only received a furious pout from Ruben.

"Linda is not my girlfriend!" He replied quickly so he could turn his head and pout some more. Tamara smiled and rolled her eyes.