Penny For Your Thoughts

I wrote this particular piece also when i was fifteen This poem's from what i can remember is about people that pretend to hate you but love you and visa verse Full criticisms please

If I could have a penny for your thoughts
what would you say better yet what would you think
Would I be a millionaire whining and dining in riches
as the image of my facial being soars through the dimensions of your weary mind
but your shelled exterior tries evidently to block out your thoughts of me?
leaving me another sidewalk urchin trying to find a home or hope
Or would i be penniless suggesting that my outer being doesn't process or trigger a spark in your mind making you thoughtless but your warm exterior greets me with the most gratitude , love and kisses like an angel released for the gates of heaven planting seeds on another soul that's lost the war of life.
Now to re-iterate the opening line
If I could have a penny for your thoughts
what would you think?

Author's Note

Ignore grammar problems , tell me what you think :)
For people saying it reads with an london accent
I AM FROM LONDON :-) Read and enjoy
Peace and Love

Reviews

[Bella-Marie]

Very interesting. Very thoughtful. Very powerful.
Very short.
Which is good. The length of this poem makes it straight the the point yet it isn't cruelly blunt. And the fact it is a poem yet... not a poem... makes it very interesting and different.
I like the idea of not using full-stops to make it sound like a waterfall of words and ideas and sentences that somehow make sense as the fall.
I like the main idea about having a penny... or indeed, being penniless... because that is a main theme you have woven into the poem and you didn't do a bad job either.
In fact, you did an excellent job.
Ka Pai.

[XxWhatsername86]

This is amazing!!

[Bridget Mcmaken]

wow amazing poem, very well written and just awesome!

[Brad]

this is heavy like a beat poem, heard this spat into a microphone plead while bleeding on a smoke filled stage with a blue piano hitting the sharp notes flat

[.]

. you have an incredible gift for words ... only an immensely talented 15 year old could've written this amazingly insightful and poignant poem ... sometimes people don't realize that they love us ... because there's a lot going on in there lives ... sometimes people are manipulative because they have ulterior motives ... whatever the case, interacting with people would be a lot easier if people were honest and honestly expressive ...

[vido.]

i really like this, well done!

[*skittlez*]

you could get these published and be a billionair dude lol

[Maurice]

You've asked a question that many people ask themselves: what is a person really thinking as opposed to what the person is displaying outwardly? I concur with Poetic Justice in the analysis of the thoughts as well as the poem itself.

[.]

knowing what we think of ourselves will always out weigh the opinions of others..everyone wears a mask, the projection of their outside being, whether for protection from others or themselves, I like the thought process through this as your mind mulls the ideas. I know you said no grammar but either line breaks or a little punctuation would make it a whole deal easier to digest. :)

[ice]

"If I could have a penny for your thoughts"
This says I have to pay you for my thoughts.
It is a twist on the ordinary...penny for your thoughts phrase..
and I do like when the ordinary is twisted..
enjoyed
ice

[I-smile]

You'd be a billionaire dude. =)