With Pain Comes Success

I Wrote this when I was Fifteen as a short poem Read and Tell me what you think

Ambitions to succeed

With the determination of a hundred solider

Hindered by visions of death tears and pain 

That I've Encounter during the short years 

that I've walk the lonely earth

Visions of Pain 

That cannot be erased 

Only For The Success to poke Its 

Weary head through the concerete of my soul

Chanting with pain comes success

Author's Note

Ignore grammar problems
Review please opinions and bare in mind I was fifteen thank you

Reviews

[BLACKCRUSH]

If you read my profile I really dont care about grammer its about art.

" Ambitions to succeed with determination of a hundred soldier, Hindered by death tears and pain "

I picked the first two lines because I feel that you are correct when you say that death , pain , and tears hinder people from achieving there dreams.

When you are nutured in a enviorment that does everthing it can to make sure cant succeed you are almost guarnteed to fail.



I think this was a great piece , you were writing about what was on your mind. I't had a great flow and tone. Nicely done.

[XxWhatsername86]

Love It!!!!

[Bridget Mcmaken]

wow amazing write! The wording is just so strong and meaningful. It flows nicely and just very well written I love this poem!

[Sweets]

Amazing :)
I loved the first 3 lines!
Good job!

[Cricket Kidd]

I like it!

[Michael of Gilead]

This is very mature for someone of fifteen, I like the message.

I would not have used "Weary" as a descriptive of success, perhaps welcome?

otherwise it's rightouse

[Brad]

hope through a concrete jungle filled with the filth of reality...inspirational with a gut punch

[.]

introspective piece..strong and heartfelt words..succeeding in endeavours can bring us through the pain..and the sense of acheivement when your back is against the wall is all the more rewarding..nice write

[Kameron Armitage]

I like it. Good message.

[Praiser]

TRUE , REAL TALK KEEP IT COMING i hear you speak on it

[Ruth]

This is great!
Concise and powerful, Pain is often considered unworthy, but the process is one of paramount importance, no words come without sweat and tears and a little sacrifice of the self! lol
xx