With Pain Comes Success

I Wrote this when I was Fifteen as a short poem Read and Tell me what you think

Ambitions to succeed

With the determination of a hundred solider

Hindered by visions of death tears and pain 

That I've Encounter during the short years 

that I've walk the lonely earth

Visions of Pain 

That cannot be erased 

Only For The Success to poke Its 

Weary head through the concerete of my soul

Chanting with pain comes success

Author's Note

Ignore grammar problems
Review please opinions and bare in mind I was fifteen thank you

Reviews

[BLACKCRUSH]

If you read my profile I really dont care about grammer its about art.

" Ambitions to succeed with determination of a hundred soldier, Hindered by death tears and pain "

I picked the first two lines because I feel that you are correct when you say that death , pain , and tears hinder people from achieving there dreams.

When you are nutured in a enviorment that does everthing it can to make sure cant succeed you are almost guarnteed to fail.



I think this was a great piece , you were writing about what was on your mind. I't had a great flow and tone. Nicely done.

[Loner]

Really mature poem for a 15 year old to write.
Thought provoking.

[Cynthia]

of course! Ignore grammer mistakes, I can't even control my grammer , LOL.
You have written a great work here!With pain comes sucess, that's what our parents keep telling us.
'Visions of Pain
That cannot be erased
Only For The Success to poke Its
Weary head through the concerete of my soul
Chanting with pain comes success'

these are my favourite lines, ha.
Amazing poem!

[.]

"That I've Encounter during the short years
that I've walk the lonely earth
Visions of Pain
That cannot be erased"
~~o god- i choked up reading these lines~(very affective)
~this is a wonderfully expressive poem~
(great work)

[cest la vie]

grammar ignored.. per your request..lol


I read here words of a deep thinker and with thinking deep comes that raw, edgy writing.
so keep thinking, digging and you will have those pieces that make people sit back and say , "Yes, I see and felt that"

I like this..and your closing line is strong.
thank you for asking me to read..

[Priyankaabhilaashi]

Words and expression knows no age barrier.. You can create a wonder even at a tender age, what people at sixty cannot do..!!!

Appreciable Job..!!!

[InkSlinger]

Whoa nothing like packing such a powerful punch with so few words.. strong message, and perspective.. Well done..

[Sarah Jane]

I don't think your age at the time really mattered, this is an amazing write. I'ts inspiring, mature, wise, and very true. Good work. I like this

[Tony]

yes, I suppose.
The opposite of success is not failure.
Quitting is.

If this were my poem, and it is not;
I would remove all but the first, seventh, and final lines.

This author's work is very odd. And I don't say that very often.
I am always glad when I find 'different', brave, shocking without bleeding poetry,
stuff like that,
But this is odd.
And that is good.

[Maurice]

Quite impressive, especially for fifteen years.