With Pain Comes Success

I Wrote this when I was Fifteen as a short poem Read and Tell me what you think

Ambitions to succeed

With the determination of a hundred solider

Hindered by visions of death tears and pain 

That I've Encounter during the short years 

that I've walk the lonely earth

Visions of Pain 

That cannot be erased 

Only For The Success to poke Its 

Weary head through the concerete of my soul

Chanting with pain comes success

Author's Note

Ignore grammar problems
Review please opinions and bare in mind I was fifteen thank you

Reviews

[BLACKCRUSH]

If you read my profile I really dont care about grammer its about art.

" Ambitions to succeed with determination of a hundred soldier, Hindered by death tears and pain "

I picked the first two lines because I feel that you are correct when you say that death , pain , and tears hinder people from achieving there dreams.

When you are nutured in a enviorment that does everthing it can to make sure cant succeed you are almost guarnteed to fail.



I think this was a great piece , you were writing about what was on your mind. I't had a great flow and tone. Nicely done.

[Sunny Skye]

Good job. I like how is short but meaningful.

[Jonathan De Elvira]

this was very meaningful bro...
such a good message...

[Jenny Nelson]

Very true and definitely thought provoking. Not a lot of words but packs a strong punch. Well done.

[Linzey]

i like how it's short but i think it would be really good if it was expanded upon

[Drey Mitchell]

From the heart, as most of your speech or poems are. I like the way you are able to reach people with your words.

[[Rampant♍ Rapture..]

Thats wonderful. I love how true it is and this is truely better then I can do and will ever be able to do and I am 15

[Jenny Nelson]

An excellent thought fleshed out well.

[Calypso]

I hope this will be true of me. I hope that I will be able to use my pain for something better. I think its interesting that you used a Van Gohn painting as an image for this.

[iamcarolfierce]

For a 15 years old writer like you, this was already too deep, too mature. Very well written. :)

I don't care about the grammar, I care about how you use words and your idea on how you will let readers (like me) relate to it. It was short yet had brought a lot of thoughts to me. I have been through bad experiences and I believe that I will feel more pain for the coming years. This had inspired me to be more of a dreamer and be firm to achieve my goals in life.

:)

[JanieB]

"Chanting with pain comes success"..translated to me as "No pain, no gain". I think these words are so true. Good job.