God's Journal of Creation

God’s Journal of Creation

 

Day one:

 

I created light today;

and by created

 

I mean I put a new light bulb in the basement above the cat’s water dish.

 

I did accidentally create Albert Einstein ten millennia early

and had to kill him…

it’s only until the nineteen hundreds that he invents some theory of some kind.

I hung the Earth on the Christmas tree first,

but my wife didn’t like it there,

so I had to

 

hang it in the basement next to the newly replaced light bulb and above the cat’s litter box.

 

And the weird thing is that Earth won’t stop rotating…eh,

I’ll just make the damn thing flat.

 

Day two:

 

Earth fell into the cat’s water dish when I was playing poker with Satan;

 

I tried air-drying Earth, but the water has

absorbed into the ground and it looks like oceans and clouds have formed…

I like swimming and taking pictures of sunsets,

 

so the watery stuff stays and I’ll count the mishap as a self-blessing.

 

Day three:

 

I made cantaloupe today;

I’m proud of that.

 

Oh, and I made functional ecosystems too…

I don’t think they’re all that important,

but I like the sound of the word ‘foliage.’

 

Day four:

 

Well, when I was drunk last night,

I named Earth’s light bulb ‘Sun’…

I thought this morning that the Earth was getting lonely,

so I put a little grey lint ball right next to Earth;

then I hung six other balls of varying size, each being placed further from the Sun,

and I put two closer to the Sun than the Earth;

I thought doing so would give the order aesthetic balance.

And to my astonishment,

 

Earth turned back into a sphere and all the balls started orbiting the Sun!

 

Later on in the day,

 

Lucifer tried to galvanize a colony of ants against me,

 

but failed in getting them to eat my house,

so I sent him

to pick strawberries from the garden in the backyard for a few hundred years.

 

Day five:

 

I made geese…

 

Day six:

 

I made bears before I made the couple Adam and Eve,

and I should probably apologize to them for that…

 

Day seven:

 

My wife locked me out of the basement,

so I napped infrequently

and watched a football game on the television all day;

 

ate potato chips too.

 

Day eight:

 

I went back down into the basement after I stole the key from my wife

and got bored with watching Adam name Goddamned animals!

So I’ll leave Earth to its own demise while I play videogames.

Reviews

[Danomaly1983]

Heh, that was a mighty amusing poem that made me chuckle several times, particularly the part where God dropped the Earth into the cat's water dish, thereby accidentally creating oceans. Good one :)

[MOON]

Ha , ha this is so amusing and yet so full of lessons and morals and God. You are allowed a day of rest on Day seven. Day eight already bored with what you created Tut ..Tut..

[symmetryAsymmetry]

You might have discovered the Truth!
Did you receive this through a Vision? Or an SMS from above?
I wonder if my device supports Divine messages..

[Divinity Sleeps in This]

Quite amusing I found!

[....]

Wow veyr powerful reading here, nicely done