I Am Dinner.

I Am Dinner.

 

Across the breach was spread seaweed;

Gifts from the Sea thrown onto the crumbled rocks.

Silently--

rather, near silently

--the coast water opened in a small circle,

the crown of the Lobsterman King piercing the foam of the sea.

He rose up from the waters, blinking his eyes and shirking away the salt.

This creature from the sea

was half man,

half lobster;

the former king of a realm lost came from the depths of blue.

His head was that of the lobster,

his hands were giant pincers,

and his lobster tail extended past behind him;

his legs, torso, and arms were that of a healthy, thirty-year old male.

On the beach laid a naked couple;

they were in the midst of making love when the woman saw the Lobsterman King and screamed.

The Lobsterman King raised his right pincer in greeting and said,

 

“Hello, good citizens of the land! I bring you tidings of comfort and joy!”

 

But the couple only threw apples at the Lobsterman and ran away.

The King did not understand why they fled in terror,

so he found the city of Milwaukee wandering on the beach

and struck up a conversation with the city.

The King said,

“Great, walking city! You must know what this thing of social interaction is! Tell me,

why would the many be terrified by and despise one?”

The city replied,

“Such a thing, I know not.

If you really must know this thing of loneliness which you face, you must go

to the Emerald City and speak to the Wizard of Oz.”

And so, the Lobsterman King set out from the beach for the Wizard of Oz.

Along the way, he met

a young prostitute named Dorothy,

 

a homeless man who dressed himself in an assortment of tin cans,

 

a psychosis patient who donned an outfit of potato sacks lined with an interior of hay,

and a dog in all too shabby a shape.

When the Lobsterman King approached the group, Dorothy yelled,

“Who the f**k are you?”

The psychosis patient bowed before the Lobsterman and shouted,

 

“My God of Europa! Thou hast not forsaken me! Tell me; in what way may I serve you?”

 

The Lobsterman tried to respond, but before he could,

Dorothy summoned the Wrath of Patrick Stewart through the eyes of the psychosis patient,

but before the divine wrath could be hammered down upon the Lobsterman King,

the Lobsterman severed the head of the psychosis patient,

rendering the witchcraft of the prostitute invalid.

With her magic defeated,

her psychosis patient dead,

her only zombie being a homeless man dressed in tin cans,

and not to mention the wrath of her pimp (the Wicked Witch of the West)

would be upon her,

she left the Lobsterman, but not before saying,

“You should go far away from here, Lobsterman.

The vampiric, flying monkeys will be upon you

 

with their Counter-culture, Main-culture, Postmodern Toasties.”

 

The prostitute witch dissolved into the foliage,

but the King did not heed Dorothy’s warning;

he pressed onward to the Emerald City,

but along the road to that bastion of knowledge

came flying down the vampiric monkeys dressed in their Toasties.

The Lobsterman was defeated in his resistance and the flying monkeys hoisted him away…

they were flying him to a large pot of boiling water nestled among the hills.

He peered upon the gleaming Emerald City in sorrow;

and with a final deep breath, he said,

 

“I am a new superstition entering the unassailable pot of boiling water of forever.

I am dinner"I mean…

 

I am legend.”

Reviews

[Coyote Poetry]

A very entertaining tale. Lobster is my favorite food. I like the set-up and the very good ending. Thank you for the excellent story.
Coyote

[Lily Mae]

Oh my.. I love it and the character play.. well written lol..xo

[DearSweetAgony]

Very, very descriptive! This poem was the perfect combination of a comedy and creative writing at its most beautiful state! Awesome write!

[Rene Velez]

So funny my girlfriend and I laughed so hard, very imaginative and a great way to use old characters from old stories...Dorothy the prostitute....LOL