Leave

I find that the hardest trails live in lies,

a bird with angel wings who cannot fly.

A story in stone, engraved in your heart,

such a bad failure, a horrible start.

We crawl out from caves, aspiring to walk,

but we trip and fall, trapped between locks.

Our cries are so helpless, our voices so hoarse,

the ship we’ve been sailing has been blown off course.

Bullets we’ve kept under our beds till this day,

their cases have rusted, the copper decayed.

Our guns we kept precious, but they fell to the void,

their chambers were busted, the muzzles destroyed.

Assistance was promised, but help never came,

on make-shift boats, we tried to sail away.

They were caught in storms, ceased to follow their map,

it doesn’t matter now, because they left no tracks.

All that we live for, of that I’m not sure,

our forests have rotted, weeds grew through the floor.

Our water is gone, our time has run short,

the cattle are dead, our faces hurt and contort.

I’m divorced from this all, I’m out on my own,

I took my belongings, I’ll travel this road.

Somewhere I’ll go to, somehow I’ll find,

a Sunset of silence, where I can say goodbye.

Reviews

[.shalynn.009.]

You're quite good at the rhyming thing, unlike some others I have read. You understand the need to stick to a meter and have the same syllables stressed in each line, while still being stressed on the right word. I love the context, adn the kind of extended metaphor (it could be literal, but I took it as a metaphor). You never specified what the poem is about, leaving it up to the reader to lend his or her own meaning, which I love. Ambiguous poetry is my favorite, because they tend to have more universal truths than literal and blunt poetry (unless said poetry is done the right way). Good job with this poem, keeping to the rhythm, getting your message and story across clearly, etc. I very much enjoyed reading it. Thank you for the RR.

[Ravyne Hawke]

I love the raw emotions of this piece, your imagery, Rhyme and flow. great job!

[Jessi Berlasty]

"All that we live for, of that I’m not sure,
our forests have rotted, weeds grew through the floor.
Our water is gone, our time has run short,
the cattle are dead, our faces hurt and contort."

The only mistake I had really found with this is "weeds grew through the floor" It's the only past tense in the list of things. Also, every line starts with a capital letter.

Wonderful imagery!

[SpokenWord]

Its time leave because it is necessary compared to leaving because a person wants too. In that place it was nothing left of life but a distant memory of what it use to be like. A person would have to leave in this case in order to have a chance at life. This poem is rich with emotions and a new adventure as he moves forward in life to a new beginning in a new place. Personally I love road trips and look forward to my next one. Great write.

[HopelesslyDevoted]

wow, full of raw emotion, my fav kind of poetry

[Coyote Poetry]

A powerful poem. In my days of youth and no responsibilities. I have done the road trip in this poem. Sometime we need a escape to find a better place to find peace and calm. The poem told a real story.
"our forests have rotted, weeds grew through the floor.
Our water is gone, our time has run short,
the cattle are dead, our faces hurt and contort."
Thank you for the outstanding poem.
Coyote

[Spiceyyy]

once again beautifully written, i really love reading your work and look forward to reading more of your work.

[Lily Mae]

You use so many different symbols in this write, I love it. The copper decay, make shift boats, storms, weeds grew through the floor.. and then freedom from the ties that bound you there... A sunset of silence for a good-bye might just lead to the Hello you've been looking for:) xx Great write..

[MR_BERG]

I get a sense of bleakness and despair. Someone has lost hope. Is the goodbye, death?

[Short.Nerd]

Love it!