Scattered (Tanka)

Tanka

 

Wet feet gather sand

Partial footprints are followed

Eyes lock on grain paths

Wind scatters yesterday's view

Home faded many miles back

Author's Note

First Tanka attempt:

Syllables: 31/ 5-7-5-7-7

http://www.americantanka.com/about.html

Reviews

[Michael X]

Wow,this is a gem of sculpted work of insight, life love and longing, I love the feeling that comes across the heart, that of leaving the past behind, and never having to look back but only to ponder the best of times,
the glimpsing perspective is clear and defined with brilliant ease, awsome job dani!

[TamiViolet]

I, too, feel the sadness and regret, just as some of your other readers.

I really enjoy that you're experimenting with various literary forms. They can become mind-twisting when attempt to find the right syllable/word is abrasive like the sand you describe.

I like the idea of the wet feet gathering sand. To me that means that the narrator has lived life to the fullest, without fear. The read concludes with a bit of nostalgia/hindsight although this notion is quite realistic.

Wind scatters yesterday's view

We tend to see things differently as time changes our perception.

Exceptional Tanka!

ps. What's next, Dani? I have an idea....let me give you the challenge...no pressure...lol.

[Tony]

I feel a touch of melancholy within your gentle words, almost a hesitation in your heart, as if saying, "do I keep walking forward through the sand, or should I press my feet deeper into the sand and walk backwards?" your deep emotions always comes through in your work and that is what I love about your writing, this was no exception and was a great first try with the Tanka format, very difficult but you nailed it.

Tony

[Ralphy]

Wow, Dani, that is difficult to do. And to still bring forth such a beautiful message. I really like the "wet feet gather sand" sort of has a nostalgic voice to it. Wonderful write

[RHEA CROSLEY]

Have to agree with Michael. It is simple and brilliant. Very beautiful. Glad you are.

[PENS FOR PEACE /TJ CALI..]

Your poetic brillance amazes me more and more each day!
Bravo Bella!
Bravo!
Keep showing the world your poetic brillamce.
Keep writing from your soul for the good of all souls!
You truly are a great poet dear!
TIM

[cilla]

This can be a deceptively complex form to write but you have managed extremely well. I love the line �

"Wind scatters yesterday's view"

You have a beautifully subtle touch with your words creating colors full of rich shades and tones. There is an ethereal sense, a dreamlike quality that lingers long after reading.

Enchanting.

[Arthur Henn]

You always amaze me with these....They are tough, and you do them so well.

Wind scatters yesterday's view / I like this line, It speaks and says a lot.

Thank you for sharing Dani

Art

[Sacred & By Your Si..]

Good job for a first attempt. Tanka's are hard.