Sea Ghosts

This was another form challenge from Mike LaSalle (see details in author's note). (The formula used was invented by Michael LaSalle). Copyright 2008. All rights reserved by Michael LaSalle.

 

 

Seas reflecting glistened portals,

Keep history’s concealed lies,

Breeze deflecting christened mortals,

Seep mystery’s unsealed guise.

 

Waves repealing ghostly noises,

Past deception thickly drifts,

Graves revealing mostly voices,

Vast reception quickly shifts.

 

Men deluded endure foray,

Cries reflected haulted breath,

When precluded ensure today, 

Lies selected salted death.

 

Ten defeated seamen emerge, 

From hauntingly eerie tombs,

When retreated demons diverge,  

Comes dauntingly teary doom.

Author's Note

Mike's formula is:

4 stanzas, repeated as follows:

8/1-3-2-2 AA/BB/CC/DD
7/1-3-2-1 EE/FF/GG/HH
8/1-3-2-2 AA/BB/CC/DD
7/1-3-2-1 EE/FF/GG/HH

Honestly, this one was tough. The words have to rhyme in a certain order with a specific syllable count as shown above, but also be fitting to the content. It's harder then it looks. Whew. I'm tired now....lol.

It's about an overtaken and sunken ship, forsaken by its leaders and its sailors now haunting the sea. I hope you like it. :)

Reviews

[Mr. Lopez]

The formulas of poetry scramble my brain. I'm a shoot from the hip kinda guy but that does'nt mean that i can't appriciate your efforts. I think that admire is a more suitable word. Looks tough but the last couple of pieces that you've done like this were a total hit , as is this one. The end result is a poem that flows perfectly yet is complex. Throw in a sunken ship and ghosts and im there ! oh by the way.... I'm a HUGE Dani fan. Great work my friend.

Mr. Lopez

[Kena Dawn Augustine]

Wow, that was aamzing, to follow a form AND write a fantastic poem. With this one you took me to the depths of the Atlantic sea and back, and it was great since I don't vacation much! hee hee. Very descriptive and easy to read. I liked it.

[Norma J. Jessee]

WOW. This is great. I tried using the formular to write one myself but I got absolutely no where. Mine ended in the trash. But yours has won an award. This was tough but girl, you did it with honors. I commend you on a job very well done and I admire your ability and talent.

Great work.

[bailish]

This poem works on many levels. The rhythm to me suggested the waves rocking, and your dark descriptive words set the proper tone.

Good one.

[RHEA CROSLEY]

This is a incredible write. You have interwoven such depth of thought with history and magnificent flow. I am adding this to my favorites. You do have a wonderful mind.

[Poets Soul]

I enjoyed the poem. A erie mystic feel to it. I liked it. thanks, PS

[Seriana]

My eyes hurt! LOL Wow Dani, what a challenge. Good for you. I like the theme, although you lose me with some of the words! And I've got a title for ya. ;) Nice job. :)

[Ralphy]

Wow, I like it, both history and fiction but to understanding how to do the syllable count has me baffled...I applauded you for being able to achieve such a difficult task.
Your ability amazes me, when I read stuff like this, and I say stuff cause I have no clue what you call it. All I know is you did it well�

You kept my interest and entertained me as well.

[Wildfleour]

The syllable count would get me. I should have my students try this!

You rose to the occasion, my dear, as always.

[lauren emily]

Very nice work! It sounds like this was a hard piece to write, and I just thought I'd let you know that you did a really wonderful job with it.
This poem seems like it has a story behind it. It seems like in each sentence, there's a tale waiting to be unleashed.
Again, this is really brilliant. Good job!
~Lauren

[Blue Sky]

My word, this has to be one of your finest,
you are so clever to imbed the content/message
and the formula would have to be tough, I can only imagine,
knowing it's Michael's formula...
I really thought you out did yourself with this one,
with such exquisite writing, and wonderful choice of words
even though you had a time with finding the rhyming words
to make the formula...great work!!!