Sea Ghosts

This was another form challenge from Mike LaSalle (see details in author's note). (The formula used was invented by Michael LaSalle). Copyright 2008. All rights reserved by Michael LaSalle.

 

 

Seas reflecting glistened portals,

Keep history’s concealed lies,

Breeze deflecting christened mortals,

Seep mystery’s unsealed guise.

 

Waves repealing ghostly noises,

Past deception thickly drifts,

Graves revealing mostly voices,

Vast reception quickly shifts.

 

Men deluded endure foray,

Cries reflected haulted breath,

When precluded ensure today, 

Lies selected salted death.

 

Ten defeated seamen emerge, 

From hauntingly eerie tombs,

When retreated demons diverge,  

Comes dauntingly teary doom.

Author's Note

Mike's formula is:

4 stanzas, repeated as follows:

8/1-3-2-2 AA/BB/CC/DD
7/1-3-2-1 EE/FF/GG/HH
8/1-3-2-2 AA/BB/CC/DD
7/1-3-2-1 EE/FF/GG/HH

Honestly, this one was tough. The words have to rhyme in a certain order with a specific syllable count as shown above, but also be fitting to the content. It's harder then it looks. Whew. I'm tired now....lol.

It's about an overtaken and sunken ship, forsaken by its leaders and its sailors now haunting the sea. I hope you like it. :)

Reviews

[Mr. Lopez]

The formulas of poetry scramble my brain. I'm a shoot from the hip kinda guy but that does'nt mean that i can't appriciate your efforts. I think that admire is a more suitable word. Looks tough but the last couple of pieces that you've done like this were a total hit , as is this one. The end result is a poem that flows perfectly yet is complex. Throw in a sunken ship and ghosts and im there ! oh by the way.... I'm a HUGE Dani fan. Great work my friend.

Mr. Lopez

[Adela Muresan]

Hmm� interesting concept ,made me think about the Bermuda triangle.
Nature does keep some marks of the humans that roamed once on it, and I guess the ocean keeps more than a few marks on it's bottom� but making it seem terrifying is in my opinion wrong, but than again I do not believe in ghosts :).

A.M.

[Angelic Darkness]

I liked this ghostly read:). They lurk all around, even the sea.
The formula does look complicated, but you did a nice job.

AD

[Jet Lag]

you guys are so great! math + words = poetry! kudos!

[vindictivesunshine]

This is one of the greatest read i've had since joining writer's cafe. The complexity, the build up was all awesome. This is insanely good!... Thanks for sharing it.

[Matalia Riordan]

Holy Sh**!!! This was fabulous, absolutely amazing. I loved the format, the flow the well everything. I wish I could write like this. The whole concept of the departed sailors at the bottom of the ocean was so eerie and the imagery was amazing. Fantastic write!


Matalia

[Wildfleour]

AA/BB/CC/DD
EE/FF/GG/HH
AA/BB/CC/DD
EE/FF/GG/HH

Dani - Explain this part to me...it looks like you have
ABAB
CDCD
EFEF
GHGH

Thanks~ I am asking because I want my students to try it.

[Fran Marie]

A very well Crafted poem, Dani, in both form and content~

Not an easy task to follow true to Mike's formula, but you have mastered

this form Very Nicely

WeLL DonE!! I say~ Fran Marie

[fireblossom]

I think you did it well. I know it is challenging and good practice to follow form, though I think form edits much that might be said.

This poem was strong and well written...

[Angela]

Honestly Dani, I am impressed by the complexity of this piece. I can't imagine how you managed to put this together using the formula and still make it so appealing. This just shows that you have many different facets or layers to you and that they are all in unison. Way to go girl. As always, an excellent poem. Kudos!!

[TamiViolet]

Damn, Dani....formulas? Love it!!! Love solving formulas... But your piece deals with much more, eh? The entire notion of the sea and all the mystery it bestows... Oh, yes, history is concealed...yet...we want to know....

Honestly, I've dismissed the above info.... I deal more with creativity and you have shown that...
A creative mind.... My dear, you are a creative mind...

Imagery is stunning....