On occasion my hands like to travel
To the places where minds unravel
A bird on a wing and a piece of string
Creates a melody only souls can sing
Soul of mine, am I dead inside?
I search for love but find only pride
Is the path of life too far and wide?
To keep the beat of my song alive
Through the light of my soul I shine within
I've traveled too far to let darkness win
Even if it turns me inside out once more
I'm holding fast the string of hope to soar
Catch a thermal watch out here I come
I'll ride the moon all the way to the sun
Vanquish failures and Celebrate victories
Souls high in the light of soaring revelries!
What a beautiful write, Dani...you and Robin write quite well together.
Through the light of my soul I shine within
I've traveled too far to let darkness win
Even if it turns me inside out once more
I'm holding fast the string of hope to soar
this is what says it all for me, because without that hope, everything is for nought.
Being the most miserable man I can, I oft have times reading the positive works - simply wanting to point at the screen and scream, "ICKY POO!" This generally means that the piece is quite good, even if it is talking about something good. :)
Though I tend to try to avoid comments on form over meaning, I liked how certain words made dramatic appearances in the later stanzas after being introduced in the first. It tied everything together.
Ok this I like, the rhyme scheme used while common is one that I truly enjoy. In this piece I can somewhat associate and therefore am inclined to find more enjoyment within.
The comparisons and analogies used are excellent and of the type that I enjoy the most (space and the universe).
I think you have just inspired me to go write a poem..... I haven't had much time lately and hence semi writers block.... but now....
This work is flawless and flows like one stream in a meadow... So pure and profound, moving my heart toward light and life. Thank you both for this amazing piece!!!
This a a great write and a very comfortable collaberation! Well done - the imagery is great, the message thought provoking - loved the rhyme and the pacing as well - KUDOS!!!
"Through the light of my soul I shine within
I've traveled too far to let darkness win
Even if it turns me inside out once more
I'm holding fast the string of hope to soar"
This is a beautiful expression of complete poetic collaboration in sync with one another.
This is a lovely write you two! Very fluid and sweet. You both are very talented writers, and it shows double in this write. Personally, I love the idea of strings. Something about that never-ending is so promising. Nicely done. :)
robin On occasion my hands like to travel
To the places where minds unravel
Dani
A bird on a wing and a piece of string
Creates a melody only souls can sing
like a master who studies signatures ,or paintings,
most poets write with a flow all their own.,
it's hard to tell between you two ,for you and robin are a perfect match,
rarely can two poets write as one without knowing the other,,
i have seen this many times before where the stronger carries the weaker ,,it just don't work.
rest assure u pulled it off in this pleasure treasure u two have created here..peace wizthom
Very nice collaboration. I like the flow and the desire to make things the best they can be despite the difficulties. And yet there is a strength found in riding the wind. The bird is wise it knows the scource of power from the wind. May you ride the wind of the great spirit. Thanks.
A Noiseless Patient Spiderby Walt Whitman
A noiseless patient spider,
I mark'd where on a little promontory it stood isolated,
Mark'd how to explore the vacant vast surrounding,
It launch'd fort.. more..