Secret Admirer

 

 

 

I try to hide, though he finds a way

My admirer said I was bad today.

He’s hiding somewhere, I can feel him near

My heart is racing, I’m frozen with fear.

He knows where I am, he knows what I do

He writes to me and says, “I’m watching you”.

He sends me flowers, yet they are dead

He tells me he loves me; is he under my bed?

I feel his presence, at work and at home

I know he is watching, I'm never alone.

What does he want, why is he here?

Chills climb my spine, I know he is near.

I call on my friend, I ask him to stay

I don’t want to be here alone today.

We talk, we laugh, though I still sense danger

My life in the hands of a psychotic stranger.

I look at my friend, his expression has changed

His face now distorted, a little deranged.

His words are familiar, his stare hard and cold

I cannot remember, was it him that I told?

My eyes scan the room, I must escape

How could this be?  I thought he was safe!

I run for the door, he's right behind me

I fumble with the door knob…..

 

Oh god where’s the key?!

 

 

 

Author's Note

Just trying something a little different... it's fictional.. lol

Reviews

[brita]

I absolutely loved this. The flow of the whole poem was awesome. My adrenaline was pumping as I kept on reading, wanting so much to figure out what would happen next. I love the ending as well. Cliff-hangers are my favorite. Great job on this one!
I recomend you start writing more horror. It's so fun and I think it'll work well for you!

[Mr. Lopez]

Very very cool. I liked how the rythme kept me going right along with the suspence. It seems that our closes friends can sometimes be our biggest threat. This I absolutely know first hand to be TRUE! From the sounds of the reviews , i am not the only one who really enjoyed this.

[Kat Williams]

Very similar...love the twist at the end. Very..very creepy and makes u think of course..who would know what u do if not a friend..who could gain access if not a friend...hmmm looking around at my friends...lol

Great write

[Rambling Prose]

I loved every line of this fictional piece. A poignant expression of how one can think that they know another, until they show their true colors & also, the fear instilled by the relentless stalker.

Well done ~ I'm glad you stepped out & tried something new, because it worked!

[TL Boehm]

love the disclaimer, that its fictional. stalkers are all too scary and all too real even on the bandwidth. Smart poetry here.

[None]

Great mystery and build up here! Nice presentation and playful in a way as well...
"He knows where I am, he knows what I do
He writes to me and says, "I'm watching you".
He sends me flowers, yet they are dead
He tells me he loves me; is he under my bed?"
You reminded me of this boyfriend I had and he was staying with me and my old room-mate. I was going out of town for a few days and letters started showing up from my room-mate's secret admirer. She wanted him to stay there while I was gone. It turns out he was writing the letters and I showed her proof, she still wanted him to stay there. haha. Yes, they were seeing each other. That was so long ago but you brought back all the creepy memories. Excellent poem, wonderful delivery.

[Michael X]

secret stalker, sheezzz, sounds intensley creepy, and dark, like someone lurking outside
of the window, staring, gazing, cold dark penetrating eyes bent on evil, dani, you certainly
create a vividness with delighted, edge of the seat effects,
He tells me he loves me; is he under my bed?"
lol, sounds like the boogyman as well, which is the vibe i get from this crafty, creative, well written
poem which takes the reader to the furthest depths, excellent job, this one is classic.

[Beautifully Tragic xPoe..]

To be honest, it seemed like this was more of a stalker-like secret admirer, though I'm not really sure. This was vivid and creepy imagery for this piece. Nicely done. Great Write.

[Bhavya Kaushik]

This is really a very unique style of writing and the plot is so different, but strong indeed! I must admit that I haven't read any of the write like this here in writerscafe.
I always considered that having a "secret admirer" is (must) be such a good thing to be....but now I need to clear up my mind!
Very well written and beautifully rhymed!
Great work Dani! :)

[Cylis Derrens]

I would hope so. Wow so vivid and so creepy. Makes you want to watch those around for signs of your own stalker. I had always thought of a secret admirer as a good thing, now I'm not so sure. I have had a couple say odd or down right frightening things despite the fact that we have never met in person. Time for me to start being a little more careful. Good job on this piece.