Chapter One: Closer to the End Part 2

It only took 4 minutes to start receiving messages. “Hey babe, where you live? I’ll come keep you company tonight.” That one would not be getting a reply. “Dam gurl, ur sxy.” No thanks. “Did it hurt when you fell from Heaven?” Yes, yes it did, NEXT! “I’m not trying to hit on you. I actually took the time to read your about me portion of your profile. I’m not looking for anything besides friendship either. I’m new here too. Also from a small town in Arizona. No, seriously. Really strange coincidence right? But I haven’t lived out there since high school. I moved here from Portland. If you’re free tonight, I know how boring a new place can be when you don’t know anyone. I’m down for a beer and a game of pool if you are?” Hmm, sounds promising. I clicked on his profile. DAMN! Seeing how devastatingly attractive he was made me feel even more ugly. But who cares, right? I’m only trying to make new friends. I quickly responded. “Yes, pool and beer seem much needed. Text me.”  Two minutes later my text tone went off.

                His name was Pete and he drove a beat up white Camry. I was going to meet him across the street at the 7-11 in 15 minutes. I did a once over in the mirror, applied more lip gloss and fixed my mascara smudges. Satisfied, I made my way to meet my new potential friend, Pete. Walking over there I couldn’t help but feel guilty. Even though we were officially over, I still felt like I was doing something wrong.

                Hanging out was as awkward as what would be expected for a first time hanging out with someone you’d just met that night on the internet. But towards the end, after we both loosened up with a few beers, I had a pretty good time, and Pete seemed to as well. I didn’t disclose much about myself, although I did mention that I had just gone through a break up. Pete admitted he had moved out here for a girl he dated a couple years back, while they both lived in Portland. They broke up, she moved here, and they both reconnected through Facebook. She convinced him to move out here to rekindle their relationship. Unfortunately, a few weeks ago he caught her rekindling something with the maintenance man.

                “So, what part of Arizona are you from, by the way?” I asked.

                “It’s a small town by the border. It’s called Sierra Vista.”

                I almost spit my beer out, “That’s where I’m from!”

                We spoke about our home town for a little while, and found out we had a lot of friends in common. It was so nice speaking to someone about how homesick I was and hearing that they were just as homesick for the same place. Pete drove me home, I told him I had fun, and he suggested we do it again sometime soon. I agreed and went back to my apartment. Oh yeah, my lonely apartment. I lay on my bed still in all my clothes and cried myself to sleep.

                Wednesday morning I woke up to my phone alarm and saw I had a text. It was from Pete. “Hey, I had fun last night. Really. I meant it when I said we should do it again sometime, so how bout tonight? Do you like hot tubs?” The fact that Pete seemed to genuinely enjoy hanging out with me was nice. The fact that a really good looking, charming guy wanted to hang out again was definitely something that should have made me smile, but it didn’t. Pete wasn’t him, and he was the only person I wanted to hear from.

                I texted him back, letting him know that hot tubs were definitely not something I hated. I lied and said I had no swimsuits so I would be fine hanging out in a hot tub in shorts and a t-shirt. I was too embarrassed by the weight I had put on to be seen in my bohemian style bikini, the one that I must say, I did look quite banging in just last summer. He said that was fine and we agreed to meet up at 7-11 again at 7:30, once we both unwound from work. He was in construction, and assured me, it was as energy consuming as it sounded. I felt ashamed that my 9 hour days at a call center wore me out.

                At 7:30 I walked over to 7-11 and immediately saw the Camry. “Hey,” I smiled the best genuine smile I could muster. Why did I still feel so guilty?

                “Hey you,” He smiled back. “So, don’t get mad, but since we are new friends I did want to find out more information about you,” he informed me while we made our way down the road. “I asked Alex Belle, because I remembered you said you guys were really close, and him and I used to hang out all the time our senior year, about you. He said you were really missed back home. He told me everyone back home calls you the party-meister,” He chuckled, I blushed and looked down. “No offence, but you seem pretty reserved to have a nickname like that.”

                I stared out of the windshield avoiding all eye contact, “Yeah, um, I was pretty wild back home. I guess that’s why I left though. No more party-meister here.”

                “Well, that’s a shame,” even though I wasn’t looking at him, I can still feel him smiling sympathetically. What else did Alex tell him? How I once through a beer pong table at him because I thought he pushed me, but I really just stumbled into the counter on my own? Or how I once broke a beer bottle at the bar and threatened to stab some 6 foot tall Neanderthal just for saying I had a nice a*s? Did he tell Pete about the time I got a DUI because I wanted to see if I could drive over the median and not mess up my car?  I had to find out.

                “What else did he tell you?” I asked, trying to make the question as light as possible.

                “Not much. He said everyone misses you back home. That Sierra Vista’s been really boring without you.”

                I couldn’t tell if he was lying or not, but even if he was, it still made my heart ache for back home. I missed my friends and family more than I could ever have imagined I would. We pulled up to his apartment, just in time because I was starting to feel awkward from the conversation. I didn’t want to talk about home right now, or my past there. I just wanted to forget everything up until that moment ever existed.

                “Home sweet home,” Pete said, throwing his car into park. He lived in one of the nicer apartments in our part of town. Still not great, but definitely not as shabby as mine. I’d bet the laundry mat at his apartments didn’t have roaches in it like the one in mine. “Wanna come up and get changed? I’ll do the same and we can grab the beer and head down to the hot tub. Wait, are you hungry? I can order some pizza or something?”

                I realized I had only eaten maybe 3 times since the breakup, I still didn’t feel hungry though and the thought of beer sounded more appetizing than anything else would. I informed Pete that beer would be just fine. We walked into his apartment. It was so big compared to mine. It felt so nice and open compared to my little claustrophobic home. His living room was decorated immaculately. How was he able to afford such a nice place on the wages of a seasonal construction worker? 

                I went to the bathroom, which, in my experience, was the cleanest bathroom I had ever come across that was owned by a bachelor, and changed into a loose fitting pair of jean shorts and a white t shirt. When I came out, Pete was in the living room waiting for me, he had already changed into his swim trunks. My breath caught when I saw him. The previous night we were both dressed pretty warm, considering the Colorado air was still pretty sharp for being the beginning of May. I didn’t realize how many tattoos he had, and of course had no idea he had a six pack. He looked absolutely perfect. I blushed and looked towards the door, hoping he hadn’t seen my reaction. “Let’s get out there! I can definitely use some soaking in a hot tub.”

                The hot tub was pretty small, forcing us to sit at a pretty close proximity of each other. I could feel my face get hot. I wasn’t sure if it was from the heat of the water, or the fact I was so close to him. Pete sat back and stretched his arms on the ledge and tilted his head back letting out a long breath. “This is definitely the life.” I agreed and took a hard swig of my beer. It was some microbrew I had never had before. It was delicious. I wondered how many other Colorado microbrews were just as good. I picked the wrong state to come to in order to get sober. Luckily for me, that streak looked like it was coming to an end.

                I lit up a cigarette and Pete asked if he can take a drag of mine, noticing he had left his pack upstairs in his apartment. “It’s menthol,” I warned handing it to him.

                “Perfect, that’s what I smoke,” He smiled. That smile of his must have broken a lot of hearts over the years. I wondered if he had ever broken someone’s heart as bad as I had just gotten my heart broken. If he was the cause of some poor woman losing sleep for a week. I shut my eyes tight, why must I keep thinking about this? Why can’t I just have a good time, with a seemingly cool guy, and forget about him for at least a couple of hours? Another swig of beer seemed like the best solution.

                Three beers in and I felt a pretty nice buzz forming. I could tell Pete was too. We talked a little more about Arizona. He told me some funny stories about his time in Portland, telling me the people there really do live up to the slogan, “Keep Portland Weird.” He asked me what fun things I’ve done while I’ve been in Colorado, I could count all the fun things I’ve done on one hand. I told him about camping out on Gold Camp Road, because I heard it was haunted, but nothing scary happened. I went craw dad fishing out by Fort Collins, which was a blast, but a few hours away from Colorado Springs. I told him about the garden I had started on my patio, my little piece of Heaven in my little ghetto corner of the earth. I didn’t mention that I was camping, craw dad fishing, and gardening with my now ex. I kept that to myself, but it didn’t lessen the hurt I felt for realizing those times with him were long gone.

                After we both had another beer down, I realized my little buzz was turning into a bit of a bigger buzz. I didn’t want to get too drunk and do something I would regret so I declined a fifth beer that Pete offered to me. By midnight I felt exhausted, despite the fact that I was actually having a good time. “I should probably get home,” I said. Pete looked disappointed, which actually managed to boost my self-esteem a little. “Yeah, okay, I can get you home.”

                When were outside of my apartment in his car I lingered a moment because Pete looked like he had something to say. Finally he said it, “Hey, I’m really having a great time hanging out with you, and it’s so nice to have made a new friend that I can easily talk to. So, I don’t want to take up all your time or anything, and if you get sick of me, you can tell me so,” he let out a nervous chuckle. “I was thinking about seeing a movie Friday night and I hate going by myself, I was thinking about seeing that new movie that came out, the one about the ghosts or whatever. Do you like scary movies? Do you want to go?”

                I tried thinking of the last time I actually went to the movies, realizing that HIM and I had never went on a proper date, not even to the movies the whole time we were together. “Yes,” I said, “that would be awesome.”

                I couldn’t help smiling as I made my way to my apartment. The smile disappeared when I was alone again in my confined home. I probably would have let it get to me had I not been so exhausted. I walked towards my bed and fell asleep in my damp clothes.

                Thursday came and went without anything out of the ordinary happening, although I thought of Pete more often than I would like to admit. I kept going over and over in my head the past couple nights of hanging out with him, and how easy it was to talk to him, although that could have been the beer. I was also concentrating on my guilt for drinking again. Why did I let this break up break me down like that? I shouldn’t feel guilty though. Getting sober was for me and no one else. I wouldn’t let my drinking get out of control again. I could be a normal person and drink a few beers here and there and not turn back into a raging alcoholic. Even with those promises to myself, I still decided not to tell my family or friends that I may have slipped off the wagon just a little bit.

                Along with the thoughts of Pete and drinking, He still lingered in my mind. I tried so hard to push him to the back of my thoughts, to remind myself that I had at one point, lived a pretty fulfilling life, even, or especially, actually, without him, so what’s to keep me from doing it again? Well, for one, I’m older. For two, I’m not the “party-meister” here.

                Thursday night, for the first time in almost a week, I actually had an appetite. I turned on the tv and grabbed the asparagus from the vegetable crisper. They were still good so I steamed them in butter and garlic while listening to the TV in the other room. I heard something vibrating and realized it was my phone. It was Alex Belle. I missed him, I really did. He was such a great friend, but I didn’t really feel like talking to anyone right now, not even the people I missed most. I only wanted to talk to one other person and he wasn’t going to call. I saw I had a missed text, it was from Pete. “Hey I hope you had a great day. I’m so bored! Why can’t it be Friday yet?” The text made me smile, but I put down the phone without responding. Tonight was going to be about me. Me, and the TV, and asparagus and absolutely no thoughts about anything or anyone.  After about 15 minutes, I realized I’d need the rest of the vodka to help me accomplish that goal.