Glass

All I ever wanted was to be a beauty,

Long legs, dark eyes, a universal cutie.

I tried so hard to reach perfection,

Life knocked me down to teach me a lesson.

My stomach too thick, my breasts too small,

So many imperfections, can I fix them all?

Of course not, silly, who do you think you are?

So many battles lost, yet you don't see the scars.

That's when my self esteem evaporated,

The world slowed down like I'd been sedated.

I just knew what I had to do and when,

I bought anorexia and took her for a spin.

Weeks went by and I'd lost a lot,

My sanity, pride, and faith in God.

The only thing I couldn't shed was the weight,

The little son of a b***h just had to stay.

I skipped meals everyday and exercised,

Not really caring that the pain always made me cry.

"You brought this on yourself, Dani, you're a mess."

I know, mother dearest, my middle name is stress.

But I'm sure it will be worth it in the long run,

It'll pay off even if it won't be fun.

I want my face to be smooth, my hair long and thick,

And for my waist to have the circumference of a pick.

Straight white teeth and the softest lips,

A personality that disguises my inner b***h.

All these things are hard to get,

But I won't get anywhere if I up and quit.

So go right ahead and judge me now,

I've got enough issues to draw a crowd.

I'm done fighting with depression and forgiving myself,

I've become cold hearted if you couldn't tell.

I hate on my family and push away my friends,

I burnt all my bridges and refused to make amends.

Where am I now, where's the real Dani?

She's probably dead, may she rest in peace.

I'm sorry for my faults and if I could just mention,

This isn't made up, it isn't for attention.

And to anyone that thinks I want to hate myself,

You've obviously not yet encountered your own living hell/

All in all, I've just lost my way, I'm haunted by my past,

My mind and soul are shattered; broken glass. 

Author's Note

Trigger Warning: Eating Disorder, Depression, Mental Illness

Reviews

[SSKaitlyn]

I, don't know what to say, at first. My eyes watered. I felt that to my core, and it was entirely too moving. It makes you stop and think, and reflect on yourself. I've felt the emotions within this poem, and sometimes still do. We're often our worst enemies and harshest judges when it comes to ourselves, and it's an all too real struggle that too many face on a day to day basis.

Thank you for this, for how beautifully it was written.