The End

This is the beginning of a book that I have written named Shadowy Nights. I posted this on my space as well and got really great responses. Hope you like it.

Chapter One

“The End”

 

            Aura sat alone in the dark, tears rolling down her cheek.  She had always known this night would come and it seemed that nature did as well.  The rain from the tropical storm seemed to pound against her window, begging to be let in.  The wind howled relentlessly as if urging her to stop. 

            “Good,” she thought.  “No one will hear me.  No one will care.”

            Aura began to tremble as memories of the one she loved poured out of her heart.  “Just kill yourself,” he had told her with a cold whisper. 

            “I’m sorry,” Aura said, barely able to get the words out.  A tear rolled down her cheek dropping on a razor she had used so many times before. 

            The sorrow was too deep, the pain too great to bear.  Aura wanted to release it all and she knew just how.

            “I’m sorry, everyone.”

            Aura took a deep breath and pulled back on the razor letting it cut deep into her wrist. 

            “The pain will be over soon,” she thought.

            “Aura?” a soft voice whispered. 

            Aura looked around the now spinning room for the source of the voice, but she saw nothing. 

            “It must be the loss of blood,” she told herself.  “It’s just the wind.”

            Barely able to move now, Aura began to black out as her heart rate raced from the pain.

            “Aura, you must hold on.”

            Aura looked up groggily to see a cloudy shadow figure with glowing blue eyes reaching out for her.  Aura tried to move away in fear, but as soon as she tried the room went black.

 

---

 

BEEP!  BEEP!  BEEP!

Aura woke up to the sound of her alarm clock. 

“What?” she said, puzzled, as she sat up in her bed.  “What time is it?”

Still trying to shake the cobwebs from what felt like a drug induced sleep, she glanced at her clock.  It was ten in the morning. 

            “How?” she wondered, as she turned off her alarm.  Aura grabbed her wrist, checking for open wounds, but what she saw amazed and confused her.  The only wounds there were healed scars. 

            “Aura, hurry and get ready so you won’t be late for work!” her mother yelled from the hallway.

            “I’m up!” Aura called back.

            She couldn’t make sense of what happened.  Just five hours ago, she was sitting in a pool of her own blood… dying.  How could she be alive?  No one could survive that!  Then she remembered.  The eyes… was it all a dream? 

            “Aura, lets go!”  Laura opened the door and placed a hand on her hip.  “You’re still in bed?”

            Aura quickly covered her wrist.  “Yeah, sorry mom.  I kind of overslept.”

            “Well, hurry up before you end up being late.”

            Aura got ready for work the same way she always did, but this time she couldn’t shake the images of the blue eyes from her mind.  What was it?  What was going on?  Why wan’t she dead?  The questions swirled in her mind as she soaked I the shower.  After she finished, Aura threw on her work clothes.  They still had dog fur all over them from the previous day’s work, but Aura paid it no attention. 

“Aura, if you don’t come out right now I am going to leave you!” her mother shouted from the front doorway.

“It’s okay, mom, I’m going to walk to work today.”

“All right, I’ll see you when I get home.  Make sure you lock the door behind you.”  Laura closed the door and a few seconds later drove off and Aura was alone.  But she still felt as if something was there, hiding in the shadows.

Aura finished getting ready and walked out the front door, making sure to lock it as she left.  Aura’s job at the vet was just fifteen minutes away, but today it seemed almost impossible to reach.  None of this made any sense.  She should have been dead.  She wanted to be dead. 

Aura stared at her feet as she walked.  “All I wanted to do was make things better for everyone and I can’t even do that right.”

Aura arrived at work almost an hour late.

“Do you have any idea what time it is?”

“No.  Well, I mean yes, Ms. Robinson.  I’m sorry.  It won’t happen again,” Aura stumbled out to her manager. 

“It had better not.”  Ms. Robinson turned and walked back to her office.

            Everyone knew that Ms. Robinson was still upset due to her husband leaving her for a much younger woman, so no one really paid her any attention.  But Aura still felt it was her fault.  She was the same age as the other woman and always the target of her manager’s rage. 

            Aura walked to her desk and put her head in her hands.  “It definitely won’t happen again.  I don’t know what happened last night, but tonight I’m done with it.  I won’t screw up again.”

            As the work day dragged on, Aura finished all of her duties early.   She knew that if she finished ahead of time, she would have a few minutes to go online.  Her manager knew that she always finished early, but with a heart locked tight, she would never admit that she was the best employee she had ever had.  But when it came to her relaxing and surfing the internet the last hour she was on the clock, no one bothered her. 

            “Well, let’s take a look on myspace.  Maybe even start writing my suicide note…”

            As Aura logged into her account, she couldn’t help but secretly hope that someone would understand her and make her feel she belonged.  That was the only reason she made the account in the first place.  She knew that it was a good way for her to meet new people and keep in touch with all of her friends.  But Aura hadn’t met even one new person on the site.  She only talked to her friends and all of them were just like her, struggling with depression and suicidal thoughts.  Strangely enough, that’s what was keeping them all alive.  They talked to each other and created their own family.  It was one full of misery and hate, but they were all skilled in keeping others from hurting themselves.  “You jump, I jump.” It was their motto.  And that was enough to keep Aura sane at one time.  Now she didn’t care.  She wanted out of the hellhole she called life.  She hated feeling sad all the time.  She hated feeling so suicidal and alone.

            Aura wiped the tears from her eyes.  “No more tears, Aura.”  She searched her homepage to see if anyone she knew was online. 

            “Oh, Drake is on.  Maybe I’ll bug him,” she said as a warm smile crept across her face.  Drake was an unlikely friend in her mind.  He was a few years older than she was, but he was still very kind to her, treating her just like a little sister.  They hadn’t talked in almost a year.  He had been helping out with the wrestling team at her school when they met.  After the season was over, he left the school.  Aura had been very attracted to him even then, but hat the time she was in a relationship with someone else and besides Drake would never like someone like her.

            Aura opened up the screen to send him a message, but hesitated.  What am I doing?  He won’t want to talk to me.  Besides, why would I want to get him involved?  I won’t even be alive after…

            DING!

            Aura’s thoughts were cut off by the alert as a message went into her inbox. 

            “Hey, it’s Drake!  What are ya up to?”

            “Oh, just sitting here at work.  Bored.”  She replied quickly and waited for a response back.

            “Oh, you want me to leave you alone?”

            “No, you dork, I said I was bored.”

            Aura felt the warm grin try to light up her face again, and for just a second those few sentences from him made her feel that everything was okay.

            “So it’s been a while.  What ya been up to?” Drake messaged.

            “Working really.  That’s about it.”

            “I bet you can’t wait to go back to school in a few weeks.”

            “Oh, I’m overjoyed!  I mean, its school.  Who can’t wait to go back to school?  Hope you caught the extreme sarcasm there.”

            “Haha.  That’s why I’m so happy I graduated a long time ago.  Sucks for you!”

            “That’s not fair.  You really are a dork.”  Aura laughed out loud as she sent the message.

            Aura sat back in her chair, biting her lip.  This was the first time in a long time that she’d genuinely laughed.  Her days had always been filled with one problem after the next and people constantly putting her down. She honestly didn’t believe she’d ever laugh like that again.

            “Hey, are you still with Shawn?”

            Aura’s heart started to beat faster as all of the old feelings and reality rushed back to her. 

            “No…” she started to type as tears filled her eyes again.  Shawn’s last words haunted her.  “If you want to cut and commit suicide so bad then go ahead and do it!  Just kill yourself!”

            She’d loved him so much; he made her feel as if she belonged.  He had always been there for her in the beginning.  When her mother beat her, she called him and he made her feel like everything was okay.  When her stepfather attacked her and her mother in a drunken rage, she would protect her mom and take all of the blows and every time she would call him and he made the pain stop.  Not anymore.  Now he was the cause of all the pain and Aura was determined to stop it. 

            BUZZ!  The alert from the messenger snapped Aura out of her thoughts.  She had been in such a trance that she didn’t notice the messages Drake had been sending.

            “Did I ask something wrong?”

            “Are you okay?  Talk to me?”

            “What’s going on?”

            “Aura!”

            Aura looked at the clock.  2:56pm.  It was almost time for her to leave.

            “Look, Drake, thanks for talking to me but I’m about to get off.  Don’t worry about me anymore.  Come tomorrow, this will all be over.”

            “Wait, what do you mean it will all be over?”

            “Don’t worry about it.  Enjoy your day.”

            “”Okay, then it’s settled.  I’m coming to see you.”

            Aura looked in disbelief at the computer screen.  She couldn’t help but want to see him, but she wondered why he would want to come.  He didn’t even know where she lived, let alone what they would do when he arrived.

            “If you’re wondering how I’m going to find out where you live that’s simple.  You’re going to tell me.  We can go for a walk and talk some.  It will be fun.”  Drake messaged her as if reading her mind.

            Aura didn’t want to tell him no.  Deep down, she would enjoy his company. 

            “Okay.  It’s 3256 Rosemary Court.  I’ll be sitting outside.  See you when you get there.”

            Aura logged out of her account.  She felt a strange sensation of joy at seeing him, but she knew she couldn’t allow herself to express it.  She was still going to end it all tonight without fail.

Author's Note

What do you think so far? Should I post another excerpt from the book?

Reviews

[Senseless whatever]

Very good job.

[aaaa]

Very cool. You are very good with characters

[ashley]

This is really good. Already, I'm drawn into the character and I hope that everything works out. You've created a sympathetic character others can relate to. Great job!

The only suggestion I have, is to remember to show, not tell.

She’d loved him so much; he made her feel as if she belonged. He had always been there for her in the beginning. When her mother beat her, she called him and he made her feel like everything was okay. When her stepfather attacked her and her mother in a drunken rage, she would protect her mom and take all of the blows and every time she would call him and he made the pain stop. Not anymore. Now he was the cause of all the pain and Aura was determined to stop it.

Instead of this paragraph, my suggestion is to turn this into a scene itself. You can put a flashback of a time when she called Shawn and then the reader can see instead of just hearing about it second hand. And if you put a flashback here, then teh messages piling up from Drake become more relevent.

Just a suggestion, it's your story and it really is a good one. Going to the next chapter now... :D

[Domenic Luciani]

I agree with james. Well written and good dialogue, though the inner monologu of the character could use some smoothing over. You have a lot of potential as a writer, so keep on writing.

[James Watts]

This is not bad at all. A rather enjoyable read and I really didn't see anything major to worry about. I do caution on adverbs ending in -ly, however. A lot of times they can not be helped, that is a fact, and will have no choice but to use one. In a lot of cases they can be avoided. The few I saw in this piece were of that nature. I just always caution because often times a writer will use an adverb as a quick way out. But, as I have said, the ones you have used was probably were of the no other choice variety. There were one or two that could be removed or replaced, but you will pick those out in future drafts. Very nice work.

[Damion]

Yes , keep posting , Its hard for my to be entertained but you did an amazing job on it

[MK]

Yea you should. I really like it so far! Though, in line 20 it says "...as she soaked I the shower." thought I would point that out. I am really interested to see where the story goes!

It is a solid beginning, enough to catch my interest, although I feel the extract is really rather too short. A good dramatic start but it gives me no real impression of what type of story you are trying to write or your particular writing style.

You should post another extract, and perhaps a longer one so people can get a clearer picture of your story, and you as an author.

[Coyote Poetry]

A powerful story with a sad tale. Your description and detail was strong. No wasted words in this story. I hope the story had a happy ending. A outstanding poem. Thank you.
Coyote