Gay Bacon

This chapter may contain swearing, violence, sexual references. Reader's discretion is absolutely advised.

 This text lacks meaningful purpose, in other words, reading it is utter bullshit. If you really want to waste your time then here you go. You can pretend reading an important document by just sliding your gaze upon this nonsense. I wouldn’t risk adding too much exclamation marks because it might make the slight impression that this text might not be of huge significance or importance (it is not and also I’m doing you a huge favor to you, avoiding you from making awkward eye contact and stuff, so you should be thankful!). I will selectively refrain from typing sentences with logical, relevant diction and comprehensible syntax (see what I did there). I might splash some SAT words to spice things up. An amalgam of nonsensical crap fused into a friendly burrito. You can’t just jitter jatter all around the place with your huge mouth because that will abase your hierarchic status from a business man who is in reality a pizza man to a flying bunny which has a mint colored fur and little feathery wings. If you think that countries were once or are still people you might understand some of the references I throw out there. I do not intend to confuse you my dear reader but it’s an obligation from a fiction writer to confuse and discord their dear readers. I’m not a fiction writer but who freaking gives a crap. I personally don’t know why am I writing this but I might discover why later. That’s it for the first paragraph I guess.

 

Now moving on to the next. I’m at the airport right now pretending to work on an important assignment or something of that sort. Oh my god, no. I don’t want to turn this into a journal entry. I must be more cautious from now on. So where was I? Yes, I was in the middle of talking about this absurd block of text that keeps on contradicting itself and confusing its readers. Man, I really should write a book with the same theme. Do you think it’s going to sell well? I doubt that any publishing company is going to accept this piece of junk I’m writing with my delicate and crafty fingertips also and not to forget every drop of stinky harmonic sweat and passive dedication. Did you know that I’m more radioactive than potassium-40? (That was a lie) Please teach me how does punctuating work because I’m an ignorant fool when it comes to basic concepts in the English language for some reason that I cannot fully justify. I love it when the same text from two different lines align it’s like your sub-conscience is playing a trick on you or something. Well, looks like this thing helplessly turned into a journal entry. I’m trying to think of something to write but my mind is failing me. Why are you doing this to me, my marvelous brain? Oh, let’s go on about how this text is utterly useless and won’t help you in life whatsoever, again. I can’t imagine that you went this far. Even a person as serious as my mother isn’t going to waste her/his time searching for hidden messages related to a world domination scheme in a text that is probably written by a sad hormonal teenager. I think I should move on into the next paragraph.

 

I’m honestly amazed that you’ve made it this far. Don’t you have a life or something else to do? (Ha, see who’s talking) Please stop. I’m serious. If you are entertained right now then I advise you to quickly quit this nonsense and do that overdue math homework because this thing is not going to help you in your life at all. Would you leave immediately if I start restating the things you’ve read previously on this document? Because I might do if you keep on reading. I’m not trying to do some psychological crap like reverse psychology to hook you on. I’m like that don’t smoke sign you have at most public places, very serious and wants to deliver the point discretely. You better not be reading this. Gah. It all started as a way to trick the teacher that I’m working and now I’m giving a real effort on this madness. Cliches. I might start using cliches. That way you are going to get your nose out of this text. When life gives you lemon do the the following: buy batman action figures, give them a bath, read them a bedtime story, tuck them to bed, and then rave all night long. I’m not referring to the sad truth of teen pregnancy and irresponsible parenting. I’m just typing words that kind of connect together in a way and then deny the possible justification you might come up with in order to appease your confusion to feel smart. Jumping to the next paragraph.

 

It’s funny how you are still reading those lines that are empty of meaning and good purpose but also I really do appreciate your persistence. As a reward, instead of dedicating this paragraph to nonsensical crap, I’m going to tell you a boring story. Let’s start, shall we? The meteor struck the girl and an explosion took place. The girl fused with the meteor. The girl and the meteor became one. THE END. How’s the story? was it good, bad, or “huh?”. Anyway now you got your reward let’s return to the main subject. Why are you still reading this? What an awful pastime you have, bruh. Walking casually to the next paragraph.

 

It’s been a while ever since I last written in here but here I am still making an actual passive effort on this junk again this time with a special bonus. A really special bonus. So let me explain my situation first please. So my mom thought it’s going to be a marvelous idea if she threw me at some summer camp and leave me to rot alone as my peers witness my dismay (No, she didn’t) So here I am at this s****y yet golden experience learning about self-dependency and how to write a f*****g research paper in one week like a pro one-o-billion. So basically it’s something that’s supposed to somehow get us familiar with the life of a broke pre-graduate university student who’s anticipating the exams like all the freaking time. It might sound stupid but I had an irrational fear of being raped up my a*s because the place pretty much looks like a women’s prison. On the contrary of what I initially thought, the people here are kind and supportive/encouraging but there’s those bunch of stink balls who’d always ruin the mood (not mentioning any names because I ain’t a snitch not even in my own diary). So my interactions with my peers involved conversations about: Serious stuff, research paper, nerdy talk, small talk, nerdy but less nerdy talk, geeky talk, things back home, baby siblings, mom, art, movies, video games, songs, stories, jokes, SATs, and gay bacon. WTF is with the last one though. I made a bunch of good friends (even with people I thought I’d never befriend them but oh well). Apparently, some counselors revved up some s**t and got fired today or yesterday. My counselors, on the other hand, are one of the most amazing people I’ve ever met. We came up with that one joke of a team name which I present to you proudly: the bed chicks! OH S**T this thing is going to have more words than my research paper.

 

Lately I’ve been feeling like my days are empty. The workaholic inside me had burned the entire fuel and left me as a hollow shell of a human. I wake up everyday, watch anime, crap, eat, and sleep. You know what does that reminds me of. Pigs. Although pig is one of the worst things a human could be called with (considering the fact that rolling in your own feces is perceived as extremely unpleasant by humans), ironically, people eat them. When people don’t show their gratitude they are called pigs Even after being aware that pigs literally eat their own s**t plus the stuff we consider as garbage. But hey, you gotta appreciate the fatty bellies for giving you that sizzling good bacon. 

Oh my goodness! My baby sister just choked me and I feel like I’ve lost a few brain cells plus my body was a bit numb after she let go of my neck. I hope that this is not a sign of severe neuro-degeneration because I do feel like I’ve gotten dumber to be honest. Forget about this text is useless rant that was a decoy to ward unwanted readers far off this literary insult.

Author's Note

Thanks for reading the first chapter ever!