City

Exploring the concepts of being alone in an urban environment.

A dimly lit subway car.  It's three in the morning. I've been out all night, and I'm still not even closed to finished.  The car rattles and shakes as it passes over the tracks, causing the single functioning light to flicker to a nauseating beat.

I haven't eaten.  I haven't slept.  My one and only thought is of the task at hand.  Nothing else matters anymore.  Nothing else has mattered for a long time. 

I close my eyes and sigh heavily.  The train continues its course, shaking and jumbling its lone occupant.



Six months ago, the world seemed brighter.  Full of promise.  It's kind of funny.  Even knowing what I know now, even knowing how it would all end...

I wouldn't change anything.  Even looking back in my present state, I can still picture the happiness in my heart during that time. It filled me up, emanated from me like warm glow.  It was a gentle breeze that lifted up everyone around me.  I liked being that bastion of hope and cheer.

I open my eyes.

The metal beast groans as it grinds to a halt.  The doors slide open clumsily; caked in grime they don't operate as smoothly or as efficiently anymore.  I lift myself up from the seat, and shuffle slowly out.  My body is tired, it wants to end this all, wants to sleep.  My brain will have nothing of it.  It is consumed by a higher goal, one that supercedes any other single directive.

The station is empty as well.  The posters adorning the walls advertise splendid performances and products, but they are faded and worn.  Several of them are ripped in half, their lower extremeties left to rot on the cold floor.  My spirits sink lower.

Having enough of the dreariness of my present location and having more pressing matters to attend to, I make my exit up the stairs to the main street above.

The brisk winter air hits me right away, and I pull my coat tightly around me, shivering.  Tears that I didnt even know were there threaten to freeze in my tearducts.  A few people are milling about, a few cars on the street.  Glancing at the few faces I come across as I walk past, I can see they are wrapped up in their thoughts.

None of them acknowledge me.  To them, I am just another nameless soul in a sea of millions.  It's true, I see them the same way.  It is very likely that they will not play a major role in my life or anyone else's.  I stop at the end of the street and wait for the light to change.  I glance at the sky.

The city was being reflected against the clouds and the moon.  It was an imperfect copy.  It couldn't show the vast network of subway, or the dark, hidden alleyways.  Indeed, it only reflected the light from the buildings, the cars, the advertisments.  The darkness and the people were wholly unrepresented in the cloud mirror.

I snap from my idle thoughts as the light changes.  With a heavy, weary sigh, I shuffle slowy across the street.  Slowly, but surely, I plodded on towards my destination.  The inevitibality of my fate stirred up something bitter in my stomach, but I choked it down and slogged on into the night, and into oblivion.