Chapter 1

A girl who spends far too many lunch hours by herself...

Jessica Bell  was a beautiful, creative seventeen year old girl, but everything was handed to her on a silver platter. She pretty much got everything she wanted. The only thing is that her parents controlled it all. According to Jessica's parents dance was her life; and that made no room for friends so she was usually lonely at school. A boy walked into Jessica as she was walking down the hallway.

"I'm sorry." Jessica said.

"No its my fault." Said the boy with the piercing blue eyes.

"I'm Randy... and you are?"

"Oh I'm, I'm uh Jessica." Jessica said staring at her feet.

"Well nice to meet you Jessica." Randy said handing her her books.

"Thanks!" Jessica said as she rushed to English.                            

As class begun all Jessica could think about was this guy with the piercing blue eyes... Randy. It was the first real conversation she had with any guy all year. After class was over it was lunch time and Jessica went to her favorite spot in the cafeteria... the phone booth. A knock on the door startled Jessica.

"Hey." Randy said motioning for her to open the door.

Jessica waved and slightly opened the door.

"Why are you in there?" Randy asked.

Jessica shook her head, she didn't know what to say. She didn't want to tell Randy she didn't have any  friends.

"Come on." Randy said as he opened the door. "You can sit with me."

"A... Are you sure?" Jessica asked.

"Of course." Randy said grabbing her hand and leading her to the tables outside. When they reached the table Randy helped her into her chair and he sat across from her.

"How are you Jessica?" Randy asked.

"I'm okay." Jessica said staring at her food. Jessica took a bite of her sandwich before saying "Why did you do that?"

"Do what?" Randy asked.

"Talk to me." Jessica answered.

"Because you're different, and I like that." Randy said.

"Gee thanks." Jessica said.

"No, I mean that in a good way." Randy said. He finished his sandwich and said "What do you like to do for fun?"

"I dance, and that's about it." Jessica answered truthfully.

"I mean what do you do with your friends?" Randy asked. 

"I don't have friends, dance is my friend." Jessica replied.

"I'll be your friend." Randy said as he threw his trash away.

The bell sounded for the end of the school day and Jessica grabbed her things to wait for her mom outside the school.

"Wait Jessica!" Randy said.

"Yes Randy?" Jessica said.

"Do you want me to wait with you until your ride comes?"

"Sure, thats nice of you." Jessica said.

Randy grabbed her books and they walked around the school to wait for her ride.

"You know you don't have to wait for my ride to get here." Jessica said.

A few girls taking a break from basketball practice whispered to each other "Why is he talking to her?" Jessica felt embarassed and Randy touched her hand and said

"I know I don't have to, but I want to."

A black Honda Civic pulled up and Jessica quickly released Randy's hand. An older woman with grayish brown hair and big hoop earrings rolled down the tinted window and said

"Lets go Jessica, you have to practice."

"Okay mom!" Jessica said.

Randy stood up, handed her her books and said "See you tomorrow?"

"Sure." Jessica said.

"Jess, lets go!" The woman in the Civic shouted.

 Jessica grabbed her books from Randy and ran to the car. She put her seatbelt on and waved goodbye to Randy before her mom sped off. Randy waved, smiled to himself, and walked to his car. 

Author's Note

Still working on it, but what do you think about it?

Reviews

[Danielle Nicole]

It wasn't bad but I agree with Shep2, high school days are an overused subject. Plus, making the main character so, well, I don't want to sound rude, because everyone's done a piece like this at some point in time, but she sounds very dull. She's got nothing about her that makes me like her. Not that all your characters have to be likeable, but if it's your protagonist they at least have to be someone you could relate with. You, as the reader, have to be able to connect with them.

If you want to continue with this you would seriously need to expand upon the characters and the plot line has to move faster than usual to keep a wider audiences attention.

I feel bad for being so critical, but if it helps in the long run then I'm okay with saying it. This piece has potential, it just needs a lot more development.

[~Artemis~]

I really liked the way you narrated the story. It was different and normally I wouldn't like something like that but for whatever reason it worked for me, and I want to see more of it so keep writing!!!

[Layla J Omorose]

I have to agree with Danielle about the main character. She seems dull and boring. There could have been more details and interaction in the story. You could have shown us how she was treated differently by those around her or explained why she was alone all the time other than just telling us. Jessica left no lasting impression. Neither did Randal. You should try providing more depth to the first character before adding another character. As far as it being about high school, it is true that there are way too many stories (in my opinion) that deal with high schoolers but then again if that is the point and time your current state in life is I do not expect you to write about anything else. However the problem become making your story different from the millions of other ones out there. Which at this point in time since its only the first chapter it doesn't see to unique but like I said it is only the first chapter so there is still time to develop and expand the character and her situation. There is also time to go back and rewrite this first chapter so that it makes a stronger impression because to be honest if this was shelves I would simply glance at the first chapter and be uninterested. No I'm not saying all this to be mean or tell you the story is bad. But as a aspiring writer you should be able to expect and accept real criticism of your work, no matter good or bad so please do not take it personally. With that being said this could use a lot more work.

[Shep]

great opening chapter. It left me wondering where you are going. I really don't care about books that talk about high school days unless it has a point. So keep it bref. Don't tell me the bell is ringing. Just say it was time to go to the next class. You kept my intrest so far now write another chapter.