Look What You've Created

The mess someone has made someone else become

Look what you've created!
a monster,
the devil,
someone who doesn't care about any body else

You've infested her with the
" That's  not my problem syndrome "
you've made her turn against her friends
all because you say you love her,

But you don't love her,
you just want to use her;
and pump her like a cow,
until the milk runs dry
then  you run like a coward

You say you care about her,
but you don't care about anybody
but yourself,
you selfish low life!

Look what you've created,
a lion that can't be tamed,
a Tasmanian devil...
its you that  created her...

But in the end, you're just going to hurt her.

Author's Note

I read a facebook status about someone who "cares" about their girlfriend but she turned into a monster, and then I wrote this. This is definitely not my best, but I hope you guys like it.

Reviews

[Cari Lynn Vaughn]

This is good, but you could tighten it up a bit. Leave the imagery and metaphors to speak for themselves and leave out "but you just don't love her" and "You say you just don't care about her" lines. Keep the stuff about milk, cows and lions and devils. Those are vivid images. Thanks for sharing. Keep working at it :-)

[.......]

Wow! ever so powerful and direct. I like this.

[Ame Rain]

don't like that kind of people "thinking about thier selves" .. I like it ,, the way you write it's nice :) and kind emotional ^_^ ..
keep writing :)

[Murisaka]

engaging read, i like the reality put in behind it, of using Facebook then writhing this, the last line was my favorite, because in the end its more than likely true, to use one another is human nature, to care, takes more effort and energy than most are willing to spare. And relating the use of this person to the use of a cow was an amazing detail.

[Clay Feet]

How carried away we get when trying to please. We beg, cajole, cry at their feet. We hurt deep until...anger takes over and vengeance we seek.

Hell hath no fury like a (lover) scorned.

Passionate writing.

[Poetic Beauty]

This is a good way to explain how people close off when others treat them badly.

[Erinne S.]

This is a strong, emotional poem. I'm impressed that you came up with this from a facebook status. That is definitely some skill! Awesome job!

~Erinne

[Alicia Hirshey]

This is great.

[Audrey Howitt]

Nice job! Full of emotion!

[Kenneth The Poet]

Strong write in my mind. You managed to describe a mangled relationship in a few words. You have talent, Shandra, so keep with it.

[Kayla :)]

it's a really good, strong poem. has a lot of emotion in it in my opinion.