Our Cloud

For The World 500 Group.

" I see a rabbit ",
" I see a tree ",
I see what my world use to be
my thoughts were consumed of  you...

We met when we were five years old
at the park looking at clouds
we declared that heart shaped cloud to be our cloud
and our cloud it became
and our cloud its remained... until now...

We're not as strong as we once were,
what ever happened to us and our cloud?
you said nothing would tear what we have apart,
but something has and its more than I can handle

Our cloud is broken
while we each have our separate pieces
and go our separate ways
hopefully or cloud can join together again
instead of raining hell  on  both of our lives

Author's Note

This is for The World 500 Group. The theme is fluffy clouds. Thanks

Reviews

[Blue Moon Ice Cream]

I really like the comparison you made here...you picked a unique symbol for a relationship that I've never seen before. It's a really cool thought that a couple could have a cloud that was 'theirs.' This is one of my favorite poems you've written...you tell a great story without any tired, over-used lines about how the cloud has turned dark. The ending line was a superb wrap-up.

[Lively]

Lovely poem.............

[Short.Nerd]

Wonderful. I love it:) Great job!

[JanuaryDreamer♥]

this is a great poem Ta'Shandra :) awesome job! keep writing!
~gabbz

[AndyJCash]

It's such a nice innocent thought, two children growing up and then sadly growing apart, all symbolised by the cloud. I like it.

[Lucy]

This really is a good poem. It is full of lost time and memories...

[Calypso]

I can remember being a child and being so creative. I would look at the clouds and dream all the time.

[Kiari Sabon]

like it

[alexlessah]

this is so cute and unique. i love it

[Allie :)]

I really like the center of attention; the cloud idea is really quite clever, and I give you props for thinking of it.
It's a nice metaphor, and the rhyming at the beginning was pleasent, and I think this piece would have been greatly improved if you continued the rhyming, but it's still a brilliant piece!

[Aleyah]

I love this, it's so whimsical, yet cutting at the same time. Wonderful choice of words and the imagery is fantastic. Wonderful piece :)