Our Cloud

For The World 500 Group.

" I see a rabbit ",
" I see a tree ",
I see what my world use to be
my thoughts were consumed of  you...

We met when we were five years old
at the park looking at clouds
we declared that heart shaped cloud to be our cloud
and our cloud it became
and our cloud its remained... until now...

We're not as strong as we once were,
what ever happened to us and our cloud?
you said nothing would tear what we have apart,
but something has and its more than I can handle

Our cloud is broken
while we each have our separate pieces
and go our separate ways
hopefully or cloud can join together again
instead of raining hell  on  both of our lives

Author's Note

This is for The World 500 Group. The theme is fluffy clouds. Thanks

Reviews

[Blue Moon Ice Cream]

I really like the comparison you made here...you picked a unique symbol for a relationship that I've never seen before. It's a really cool thought that a couple could have a cloud that was 'theirs.' This is one of my favorite poems you've written...you tell a great story without any tired, over-used lines about how the cloud has turned dark. The ending line was a superb wrap-up.

[lovejulez03]

I enjoyed this piece a lot! I think you did a great job with putting your words together and the poem as a whole. Great job

[JohnEWordSlinger]

This is interesting, and I know the feeling, thank you much appreciated, WS

[Hello, Goodbye]

great usage of your goal theme.. nice personal touch as well..

[Poetic Beauty]

This was vivid and clear. The sorrow that fills this poem is heart breaking and the use of the cloud is a great way to get these thoughts across.

[Roger Morrison]

This is unique and beautiful. Instead of "our song" or something cliche, it's "our cloud". I think that's cool and original. And I love the line
Instead of raining hell on both of our lives. In the end it's hopeful, but still despairing. All in all this is a great poem.

[Jibin]

Nice work, especially i love the way you created the theme here by.
It's really sad when the relations maintained from the childhood broken like a "cloud"
that you symbolized here.

[CagedBIRDsings]

"Our cloud is broken
while we each have our separate pieces
and go our separate ways
hopefully or cloud can join together again
instead of raining hell on both of our lives"
I loved your use of clouds as a symbol of lost and broken love raining down upon you! I can relate to this poem easily.Well Done :)

[Chris]

I really like the comparison to the cloud and how you followed that train of thought throughout the entire poem. You used the image well. It gave it a lot more life and color.

[Myenigma]

I like the clouds. the heart shape one bounding of thoughts/oneself to create a unity of one. "instead of raining hell " i like that too :)

[Brett Forsythe]

Really like this. Cute/happy/sad........basically this has it all. Great job :)