Cinder-Fellow

Can Cinder-fellow find his true love?

I sit here cleaning,
and watching my life pass me by
week after week, day after day
I'm here, waiting for a breakthrough

Evil has taken over my heart,
no love can enter because of my step dad and stepbrothers;
I once knew love,
I knew love like leaves know trees,
always being there...
I knew it all until my brother took over
and captured my one true love

Until a wise old man came into the castle
and saw me in my drunken misery,
he said

"Why isn't a young man like you going to the ball?"

"Because I am not allowed to go."

After those words I was in a custom made suit
then a carrot turned into a carriage,
and three blind mice turned into horseman
I looked for the man to thank him,
but he was no where to be found
as we were leaving a faint voice called out to me and said:

"Be back at midnight young son"

I said "I will" as the carriage progressed forward...

I walked into the room... everything was in its place...
the music,
the guests,
everything...everything except the one true beauty sitting by herself,
so I walked over to her and said

"Can I have this dance?"

She said yes, and I led her to the floor,
it was as if the earth stood still
as we danced the night away,

She led me to the fountain outside the building
and unmasked me...
I couldn't believe it... it was her!
my first true love here with me
we kissed and it was just as good as the first,
we ran off at midnight back to my room in my castle
so things could remain as magical as the night had been

Author's Note

I'm not sure why I'm changing classics. Thanks for your reviews! :)

Reviews

[DeadToTheWorld]

Many people have tried to flip the coin on many classics....to see the other side of a persons view...it takes skill to do such things especially when the piece of writing is well known....this was a perfect write to have been fliped around...not many people are as good....you did a splendid job...

[Coyote Poetry]

Cinder-Fellow maybe the next Disney movie. World is changing. I like your story. The different from the original made the poem stronger and more fun to read. A outstanding poem. Thank you.
Coyote

[Veronica Chandler]

I suspect because the classics do so stir something deep inside us all; this piece too could become a classic. It was thoughtfully crafted and clear images are created from a wisp of fairy dust. Your words "I knew love like leaves know trees" well just sheer and brilliant genious. May the evil stepbrothers and rulers get their due and may your carriage never have to turn back into a pumpkin.

[George Love]

Nicely reworked without destroying the tone and feel of the original

[Blue Moon Ice Cream]

Very cool idea to change Cinderella into a man. I agree with Venompen that I think it could have been a little better written, but it was good nevertheless.

[Aidz]

kewl

[Thomas Fitzgerald]

Classics are to be changed time and time again, this is proved in the Bible, Nursery Rhymes, Shakespearian plays and now with your poetry, well done, great work.

[Venompen]

Not bad, but at the same time not the best I've seen. I can't help but think that the story would have been a little more different than this if Cinderella was a man. Great poem though.

[∂αʌ<..]

i like this poem...though sleepless beauty remains my fav, just like i adore Sleeping Beauty in front of Cinderella...
well-written....:)

[*[[ Cadence ]]*]

Awesome (:

[WatashLegend]

Interesting take and enjoyable to boot, filled with imagery and a pleasant escape, nicely done