My imaginary girlfriend

This a piece about a man who is dying and whose imagination takes on a life of its own. He begins seeing and hearing things. It is a passionate and exciting read. Please, all your insights are most we

My imaginary I girlfriend
By Matt Daalling


I can still remember the scent she wore. The way it fused with her body. Becoming her, a scent now not independent of itself but a part of her A part of her existence, a part of what defined her. Exclamation. It wasn’t expensive, but when she wore it, it took on a life all its own. I remember its bitter flavor left on my ljfips as I kissed her neck. A bitterness I would gladly endure
and did so with passion and purpose. My purpose was to please her and in doing so please myself. I can still remember her taste. Impossible to describe, suffice to say that I was drawn to it. I gravitated to her flavor, making her exquisite and vivid. Turning my curiosity into that which longed to sample what was between her thighs. That flavor of who she was was feminine, distinguishable from lips and saliva to clitoris and wetness in variations of potency. I can still remember how she felt. Our lips gliding over one another, my teeth latching on to her bottom lip, pulling it with tender force, passion guiding my next assault. My hands simultaneously caressed her body, running over it, feeling every hair on her flesh. I can still remember. She has long since been gone. It’s been two decades since I last spoke to her. Yet ever since my diagnosis, since I learned I might be dying things got a little weird around here.

When you use your imagination you are the engine of your fiction. You dictate what the characters say and do. This wasn’t that. This was the characters in my head taking on a life of there own. Saying what they please and doing as they please. My imaginary girl friend was no exception. This lack of control was to my demise and often to my benefit. The first time I pictured her she began removing herself from my control immediately. The essence of who she was became foreign to me. I lay in bed one night and began touching myself, I envisioned her on top of me grinding against me. Her hair tossed over her left shoulder, made her truly a beautiful thing to look at. She leaned in to kiss me and as she did I pulled away to tease her a bit. This is when I realized she wasn’t in my control. She leaned back into me and placed her hand under my chin. She grabbed my face and kissed my face with clarity of passion. At first I was freaked out. I thought if I’m not controlling this then who is ?

“Hello?” I asked.

“Hello yourself stranger” She replied.

“How are you controlling this” I asked.

“Controlling what?” She pressed into me,

as she responded with her actions. I bore down and felt my heart gush blood into my aorta. A warmth filled me.

“How are you here …”

“how are you doing this!?”

My mind was spinning but she kept me leveled with her passion.

“All I know is I love”

she says as she leaned in, kissing you.

“Do you like it when I…”

she grinds into me.

“I love it” I replied.

“Please…. don’t stop.”

I felt my pulse push blood through my heart, into my abdomen and into my groin. I thought I was in control over that as well, let me tell you, I was wrong.

“I’ve missed you.” I said as my breathe became heavier.

“Well don’t…I’m here” she replied.

I failed to tell her, that she had become something very special to me after we parted ways. The person you become when you are faced with a problem and ask yourself “what would so and so do” in this situation? She became my go to “so and So” girl. The great feminine, I called her.

These visions of her started in my head. They were merely thoughts that I was in no control of. But as time progressed she became a hallucination I could see, hear, smell, and even touch. Was she real or was she not.
So it beckon the question was she real or was she not.
The next day was no different. As I woke up I kept checking my mind for her presence. Inviualizing her to see if she would take control or not. She didn’t. Maybe i had dreamt it. maybe things were in my control after. I was both releaved and let down. She had the most action I had seen in years. I had felt her presence before what went down last night. The great feminine i called her. It was a female presence I’ve felt in my life ever since i was a kid. My diagnosis had changed things for me. It made it so that there was no great feminine, no Importance on what I desired,nothing that mattered more then getting through it.
My trip to the doctor changed my life forever. I was now diagnosed with leukemia and had no idea how to approach it. I didn’t really know what it was. All any of us know about leukemia was that it is cancer of the blood. We didn’t know how long it took to run its coarse, we didn’t know if it was curable or not. Would vampires steer clear of me now? Would my blood take longer Ciculate through my system. All I know was one thing that I didn’t want leukemia. How the hell did I get this thing in the first place. It’s not like it runs in my family. Maybe God was getting back to me for something I had done maybe I did something to upset him. I was on my way over the bridge on the G train pulling into Marcy. There’s just a point between the bridge and Marcy with the train feels like it’s like a roller coaster, bumping and grinding along its tracks.