I Am Nothing

A Story by Dana

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I've always believed that I don't belong here. Being in this world never felt right. I always felt that living this life and putting all this effort into it was pointless. We are all going to die one day anyways. We somehow forget about that.
When I was young, I had lots of dreams and goals. Everything was so bright back then. The sun always came up the next day. I found hope and love and all the beautiful things in the very simple stuff.
Somehow along the way, I stopped believing in anything. Mostly, I had nothing that would keep me going. I stopped dreaming and imagining. Everything was gloomy to me. No bright colors. No happiness. Nothing. I turned from white to black, I don't know what grey is.
I lost faith in everything. I got so used to people leaving. I almost forgot what it was like to not feel alone. I started talking to myself instead, hoping that I can be my only friend. Somehow hoping that anybody would be listening, and would come at anytime to rescue me before I fall and end everything for good.
Nothing touches me, nothing makes me excited anymore. I've become as cold as ice, and even in the right hands I wouldn't melt.
I always wondered if people would notice if I'm gone. I don't think they would. People are always late. Most of the time they are too late. When they find out I'm gone, there will be no piece of me that they can remember me by. Everything about me will be gone.
It is like I never heal. It is like I never forget each moment where I felt extreme pain in my chest because somebody that I trusted broke me again. People will always break you. They will keep turning you into something that you once hated. You'll become full of feelings you shouldn't feel.
I wear shorts and T-shirts in winter. People wear coats and they shiver and talk about how cold the weather is. I don't feel anything though. I'm not cold, I'm not hot. Maybe I'm dead. Maybe I don't really exist.
Maybe I am just a shadow. Maybe I am a jar full of broken hearts. I am invisible. I am meaningless poetry. I am unhealed wounds. I'm nothing. I'm nothing.