Forgetting Lollipops

i want to write a book of essays. heres the first one.

        “A great big hug for your sweet tooth.” As he sits and drinks his coffee he wonders why that’s an appropriate slogan for the cup-jacket. Even though a hug would be nice, it doesn’t change the fact that coffee isn’t sweet. He’s sitting on a bench between the Art Museum of Philadelphia and some man with more IOU's then Mary Poppins' favorite nonsense word.  It’s after his normal working hours of nine to five and his wife thinks that he’s just working late. Reality being that he considers “over time” as alone time. Knowing that the only thing waiting for him at home is a strange relationship of regretted love, this is his time to think and his time to run - even though he knows that there is absolutely nowhere to go. He has been with his wife for over ten years and married for six months. Yet, the second they were married a switch went off (on?). She resented him for changing careers, for not giving her a big wedding, and for slurping his soup at dinner. 
        That should give you a pretty good idea of the crap I used to write. From junior year of high school up until this very moment I desperately wanted to write fiction about as many characters as I could. If you read my journal (which I don’t know why you would), you would see “Woman #1”, “Man #2”, and so on. Following the title would be a short description of what I thought their lives were like. Yes, I know; everyone people watches. But usually the person watching tries to give the Joe Shmo eating at the mall food court or the Plain Jane waiting in line at the post office the best life possible. Most people would overlook their stained work shirt or abnormally large nostrils. People don’t realize how optimistic their first impressions really are. I, on the other hand, would give Joe and Jane deeply rooted issues as quick as I could touch pen to paper. 
        Bald? He has low self-esteem and kisses hookers more often then his wife. Louis Vitton? Prada?! She’s bound to get dumped by her boyfriend any second. Ah, pessimism: my little excuse for “not being naive and just understanding how terrible this world really is.” Then I woke up one morning only to realize that everyone had gone on vacation and I was still stuck at the airport. I had my caramel macchiato in hand, yes; but that didn’t change the fact that I was alone. Everyone was sporting their new bathing suit in Bali while I was losing my passport in the bathroom and feeling, well…bitter. Unlike my splenda-infested coffee. Everyone knows that it’s easier to be nasty then nice. Everyone knows that it’s easier to flip people off then to smile. It just took me about twenty years to finally understand it. If that last statement makes you think I’m forty years old, I’m sorry. 
         Perhaps the battle between optimists and pessimists begins at a young age. Not ten, not five. Even before. Why do you think some babies cry so much? They are the ones that have a feeling – in their little widdle guts – that something is just wrong, and it will always be wrong. Its not colic; it’s recognition! Then there are the other handful of babies that are freakishly well behaved. Upon hearing compliments of their child’s behavior, the parents say through their ear-to-ear grin, “Oh, I just don’t know why he’s so good. It’s a miracle for us. Really, it is.” Warning to parents: your child is showing the early signs of optimism. This could be a sign of nativity, denial, and a 91% chance of ending up a dental hygienist. Hell really breaks lose when the little runts enter into the school system. It’s very subtle, though. An excellent test is to tell a little girl that she looks like a princess. If she runs away embarrassed, it’s a healthy beginning to years of accepted compliments. In the future, she may just agree with you that the world isn’t so bad. Yes, I’m pretty, but you don’t need to point it out to me. Life is good, sure, but you don't have to keep "Margaritaville" on loop. If she screams, “Don’t call me a princess! I’m not, I’m not!” then that’s not a great sign. Her and the first little girl will most likely hate each other in ten to fifteen years. If the little girl vocally agrees with you that yes, she is pretty…just slap her in the face. 
        I guess someone could say that it's unhealthy to be so cynical. At least that's what everyones always told me. By living your life as a defeatist, are you setting yourself up to be inevitably debacled? We can never be sure. I would love for someone - anyone - to be able to tell me how you can breathe while thinking that the whole universe is full of butterflies and puppies. Frankly, I've always thought that I would rather be Mrs. Scrooge and miserable, than some twit that thinks: "Maybe Bambi's mom didn't die. Maybe she just was scared of being a young mom and decided to run away in order to give her son a better future." It seems like all the successful ones are the few that have a certain empty confidence. Similar to "liquid confidence", just completely unrelated to alcohol. Yet similarly, they are just...well, fluff. Not really having any basis for their unabashed personality, they effortlessly rise to the top. One day they're on the Honor Roll, the next their accepting awards that they don't really know the purpose of. Some may think it's because they are smart enough to triumph. I say it's because they're dumb enough not to fail. Don Marquis (don't worry, I know nothing about him either except for the fact that he's dead) once said, "A pessimist is a person who has had to listen to too many optimists." And I couldn't agree with him more. I wish I could avoid sounding like a jerk, but frankly, they annoy me.  
        Dear pessimists, 
        We must prevail! There is a thing called karma, you see, and it has been hiding under your bed right next to the invisible monsters. Acting as your secret weapon that you've known nothing about, it will eventually show you that these unsuspecting optimists eventually wake up and smell the coffee. I confess this could be sugar-coating their inevitable situation. Because instead of coming in the form of coffee it will most likely be in the loss of a loved one, a failure in a contest, or divorce papers. Disclaimer: this is only a hunch. No one's feelings were hurt in the making of this essay. If karma exists, then there is the ying and yang to consider, along with the law of physics: any action has an equal and opposite reaction. And everyone knows you can't argue with physics unless you're the creator of "The Matrix". We (yes, you too) will eventually come to the strange realization that life, well; isn't so bad. 
        Its depressing, I know. 
        To recognize that innumerable people can forget the little things so quickly is despairing. Don't get in a huff - I'm including myself in the "many". We've forgotten about the lollipops. We've forgotten how to appreciate the diners, photography, and letters of old friends before e-mail took over the world. David Bowie and the Pink Panther (the old ones). Black tea and the piano. Realizing something that we've known all along. The voices of a choir and the play "Cats". Attempting to be independent and then failing...miserably. White curtains, The Great Gatsby, and antique maps. All of us have over-looked the chandeliers, gingerbread, and charcoal drawings. Forgotten our infatuation with make-up and hairspray, or our sheer hate for make-up and hairspray. Competing with ourselves while others think we're threatened. The smell of money, strawberry ice cream, and that feeling you get when you get a new stamp in your passport. Or for some, dreaming about getting a first stamp in your passport. Our memories of being little and everything being simple have been obliterated.
        Well, I want that back. I want the red juice boxes, gel pens, and Lincoln Logs. Is the glass half empty, or is it half full? Maybe it depends on what we keep in our glass.
 

 

Author's Note

i would like to know if im wasting my time, but then again i don't really care?

Reviews

[Lyttleton]

Studies* show that higher intelligence is linked with pessimism, while lower intelligence is linked with optimism. This is because people of higher intelligence tend to have a more realistic view of the world, and the world is a largely dangerous, unforgiving and harsh place (evolution being a heartless force).
Ironically, there is some truth to the concept of Self-fulfilling Prophecy. Not to the extent that "The Secret" scammers would have you believe, but it is true that if you tend to have a more optimistic view, you are more likely to translate middle of the road events in your life as positive, and if you are more pessimistic, well, you get the idea.
"Ignorance is bliss" is a trite, albeit functional expression. And a life of ignorance is probably a mostly pleasant one, though mostly useless as well.

But that's just my personal bias rearing up.

Congrats on the marriage, by the way.


*The studies I refer to were in Cognitive Psychology textbooks from college which I no longer have, and as with all scientific studies, they cannot be considered the definitive last word on the subject.

[Kelley]

Now that was an amazing write Dana!!! I love,love,loved every line and it brought back some good memories like The Great Gatsby. I loved reading that book and would love to see the movie. The sad thing about it was that he died before he finished it. That always confused me??? Then how do we have a finished book??? LOL.

I know this wasn't just about good memories or bad memories. It was so much more.........Like having a pair and being afraid of using them kind of.......smiles.

I loved soooooo many lines in this that just made me smile forever. Your quite Funny Dana.
I loved the line.........

"kisses hookers more often then his wife."
The first thing they tell about writing is.........If you can't grab the readers attention right away don't bother writing. Well you got my attention and kept it all the way through.

This line cracked me up too........

"Dear pessimists,
We must prevail! There is a thing called karma, you see, and it has been hiding under your bed right next to the invisible monsters."

I was wondering where she kept herself.....lol
I remember the line more along the way " Karma's a B***h" Smiles excuse my French.

"Disclaimer: this is only a hunch. No one's feelings were hurt in the making of this essay."
LMAO you are just too FUNNY Dana And the names of the innocent were changes to protect them.

You threw in every thing in but the kitchen sink......smiles
I really liked your ......

"And everyone knows you can't argue with physics unless you're the creator of "The Matrix"."
Of course not lol.

Over all I think this was a great essays and I would love it if you wrote more essays.
Thanks For Sharing Dana.

By the way my name is Kelley your new biggest fan.