A Conversation with Spirits

Wrote this poem in a couple evenings, in a style i saw in Faust (the old text by Johann Goethe) I liked it, and a lot of time went into it. Please tell me what you think

A Conversation With Spirits

A Poet

As I sit here in thought in the shade of this tree

I am wondering, Who will accompany me?

I have nothing to offer but interest and time,

And if luck should allow, the exchange of a rhyme.

I call out to the earth, to the North and the South,

To the East and the West, on these winds do I shout,

For the people and thoughts of this world seem to bore me,

Seeking wise conversation, take heed! I implore thee.

Earth, from the South

Here I am mortal brother to answer thy call,

for I am as you are, lacking interest in all.

The men of this place have thoughts filled with doom,

I prefer fairer things, like this fine tree in bloom.

This shade we may share, if you're asking for me,

I would greatly enjoy conversation with thee

but to truly acquire an enlightened perspective,

To my friend I shall call, asking his introspective.

Wind, from the North

I, like my brother have heard this man's cry,

And have come to offer the view through my eye,

For my thoughts seem to be on the same lines as yours,

I am also quite tired of Man and his Wars.

If, while we are speaking I should be allowed,

To ask riddles, passing time as I pass the clouds,

“I make beggars of merchants, and scoundrels of kings,

I make farmers into barons, with diamonds and rings.

Make a useful man useless, a blissful man cry,

Unequal are all in my sight, who am I?”

Poet

You speak of great changes, of wealth and of power,

These extreme that you talk of, like sun and rain-shower.

Things beyond man's control and immune to debate,

I believe, therefore, that the answer is Fate.

Wind

Is it fate? Or luck? Truly who is to say?

Two perspectives can vary as night is to day.

Think about, for example, what your eyes would perceive

From above us, not our forms, but the leaves of this tree!

Folks with Luck call it Fate, justifying their ownings,

folks without call it luck, lack of wealth is their groaning.

Eyewitness accounts aren't written in the stars.

A wise man knows this, as it aids in his cause.

Flame, from the East

Hello All! Despite my lateness, do I appear,

Though you may be surprised to encounter me here.

Though a man's mind will group me with warfare and strife,

I also do well in supporting man's life.

Warming one's body and staving off ill,

Moderation of Might, Yin and Yang if you will.

I shall ask you to listen, and listen with care,

For I, like brother Wind, have some knowledge to Share.

Poet

This is all rather sudden, are more on their way?

You all speak with such knowledge, the wisdom of age.

For eons you've had little more than your thoughts,

But is it too much for me? No, I think not!

For I, like you spirits, transcend from this world,

I watch as the mysteries of life are unfurled.

I see all, the future, the present and past,

Speak on great ones, while my moment can last.

Father Time

Who is this mortal with immortal cares,

He can speak with and hear us, as few mortals dare,

He talks like a prophet, though his years may be few,

He surpasses the wisdom of worlds old and new.

If all aspects of linear time can he see,

I command him to become a spirit like ye!

Though you strode to this tree alone and ashamed,

You shall leave as a deity, Fate be ye named!

Now come, I bid you, to your throne in the clouds,

With the Earth at your feet, and the stars in your crown.

By Dan White

Author's Note

What do you like/dislike about it, a rating please!!!

Reviews

[Lily Mae]

As a whole we are one..and what you've shared here is universal and simply about love in all creation.. I love it...xx "With the Earth at your feet, and the stars in your crown".. It reminds me of when I share the comment.. "As above, so below" :) xx

[John Patrick Robbins AK..]

A difrent pace and classic feel to it as well.
Im always a fan of longer writes.
And its good introspection in this as well.

I do belive the best stuff comes from off the top of your head.
It does move at a original pace but thats a good thing.
still i can tell some hard work went into it and it always pays off

far from what i write but it has a true voice
cheers my friend
Gonzo

[Ben Taylor]

"If, while we are speaking I should be allowed,
To ask riddles, passing time as I pass the clouds,"
The rhyming here seemed especially "nice" to me.

That being said, there were a fair number of rhymes that made the lines seem a bit stilted; not terribly, but the
"The men of this place have thoughts filled with doom,
I prefer fairer things, like this fine tree in bloom."
and a few other lines sounded slightly forced.
Conversely, many sounded amazingly fluid, as well.
The subject is a very original one; and the ending, superb.
Making the whole piece rhyme (in the same structure throughout, no less) must have been quite a challenge; I applaud you.
Nicely done. :)

[Kaylor Mason]

This is really wonderful. It's creative, original, insightful, thought-provoking and has an ancient, timeless feel to it. Beautiful. The rhythm is good and flowing, and the words are descriptive and yet not too verbose and cumbersome. I also loved the idea of the different spirits of the universe all talking together--first time I ever saw that; I thought that was a really significant touch that gave it a fresh angle. Nice work!

[Jake Staffeld]

This is amazing. Best thing I've read on here. Keep it up.

[White Ink]

Really Amazing!!! I love it!

[Ravyne Hawke]

This is an excellent poem, Daniel. I love the flow, the rhyming and the conversational format of this piece. I can see this being bellowed from a stage, set to music, engaged by so many and inspiring to the world.

[Crystal Kelly]

I really like this poem. I think this is very well written; it reminds of psalms or proverbs from the Bible. I like this poem because it's engaging. This is the type of peom that can be used in a classroom setting to engage students; not just classroom but anywhere. I really like it!! Great Job!!!