Blood Kiss

Bloody Kiss

The silence amplifies my footsteps.
I pull the phone cord from the wall.
You remain silent.
You don't wake.
Tonight you will be mine,
Your rebirth a thing of beauty.
Don't scream.
From now, you're pain will be less.
Just let me give you a gift,
My gift of a bloody kiss.
For tonight,
you will be a creature like me.
A child of the night.
Your eyes reflect the moonlight clearly.
I place your corpse in the ground.
I didn't bring flowers,
Who needs them when their dead?
You awake gasping,
air you do not need.
Your undead beauty,
Leaves my breathless chest sore.
You smile when you see me.
The pain will go in time.

We lay in my casket,
and watch the dead angels sing.
They sing for you.
As your awakening was such a beautiful thing...

Reviews

[Mary Evans]

It's pretty nice as an idea and flow. But i would suggest you divide into stanzas.

[Rain]

Great poem. I could see the story you were trying to create, though could be improved with more powerful detail and description. But overall, great read.

[salvador (camuel choisu..]

Ok well first WOW that is an awesome poem anything that has to do with Vampires has to be good unless they totally made Vampires look like a fool other than that WOW

[Michael X]

this is not bad, can it be better? yes, it seems like you've outlined the idea
and executed lacking detail, and the wording is average in speech,
there is nothing that really takes the cake so with that being said,
you did a really smooth job, one thing I'd like to give you credit for is the opening, it was clear, powerful and made sense, but spoke like a story
as ythe whole poem did. to much filler and not enough precision.
example "thing of beauty.".....it would take more effort
to define what that beautiful thing is... than just say "thing of beauty.

which to me, examples as such shown drag the quality down to what could be a masterpiece with more time give to the detail, you have talent, keep it up.

[Demona]

this is beautiful really really beautiful