Self Destruct

Just thoughts of why I destroy everything good around me.

Too many times in my life I have pushed away the people who have cared and loved me the most

Put up walls to keep them away and hiding my feelings behind a shell as hard as an old wooden post

Words spill out of my mouth, hateful, angry, and just to spite

I truly don't mean those words meant to hurt and cause pain, but it's easier than showing my fright

Behind the angry calloused shell I have created is a caring loving man who is scared to be hurt

Never any guarantee that I will be hurt but it only takes once to truly understand why I fear my heart being stomped in the dirt

You see for most of my life I have worn my big 'ol heart on my sleeve, exposed for the whole world to see

An exposed heart is easy to take advantage of and trust me when I say there are many that will attack and stomp with glee

So now I sit looking so angry and mean, attacking anyone who tries to get inside this shell of mine

If they only knew that deep down inside, I'm curled up in a ball crying all day saying I'm fine

One day this wall will crumble and fall and I will take a chance to live my life

My dream is to live with a smile and free from fear, anger and all of this strife.