We Accept Everything Natural Unless It's Kinda Gay

Okay this is my first attempt at writing a satire piece and before I start having people online yell at me for being a bigot SATIRE IS SUPPOSED USES IRONY AND SARCASM. I support gay rights entirely.

We as a people embrace Mother Nature’s gifts and the natural beauty of the world even though we are coming up with new technologies everyday. When looking upon one of Mother Nature’s gifts with awe, such as a beautiful scene of distant mountains and green pastures with the breeze blowing through our chemically treated hair, just filter out the few homosexual rams. It would ruin the picture as would the other 1,500 known species to practice this behavior. 

We must continue to follow the rule laid out in a book written 2000 years ago even though it was actually a mistranslation. The intent of the book was to simply say don’t copulate with another person in some lady’s bed, that’s rude. In our infinite wisdom it was translated as don’t sleep with someone of the same sex. This the same book that says that if you rape someone all you need to do is pay their father 50 pieces of silver. How dare we defy the logic of such a renowned and holy text. The interpretation carried so much power as to push those who think otherwise into a closet, explaining why homosexual individuals are so fabulously dressed when they come out.

Getting back to the 1,500 species in nature, I have never witnessed another animal avoid one of their own because of their sexual tendency or orientation. Only the human with it’s talents, innovations, and their advanced intellect can be found running from a room when witnessing two persons of the same sex sharing a chaste kiss. And in some cases legislating against it. Protect your children, avoid the “mommies” at the daycare and the “daddies” at the grocery store. We preach that kids need to grow up with two wedded parents in the house, but now we have to make sure they’re two people who don’t have the same naughty parts. That would be gross and hard to explain.

No kid really cares who has what sexual organs at their soccer game as long as they show up and cheer them on, preferable sober and not embarrassing them by picking a fight with the coach or the ref. Most kids like to believe their parents don’t have sex in the first place. I mean do you want to imagine your parents doing the nasty one bedroom down from you? It should be left unsaid that if you said yes to that question, you have a problem. Please, get help for that.

The fact of the matter is people love who they love, wouldn’t it be better to love them in the bedroom instead of the closet? I’m sure it’s more comfortable.