One Cut, Two Cuts, Three Cuts, Four

This is a poem about my history of self harm so if you get triggered by that, I'd advice not to read it

Lines carved into my arms like words of a poem

Blood gushing out like the tears falling off my face

Crimson droplets and jagged bolts of lightning

I slash, wrinkle, tear, slice

Just to feel that sense of relief

One cut, two cuts

“No, it’s not enough”

Three cuts, four

“Just one more”

Four cuts, five

“Why am I still alive”

Five cuts, six

Six cuts, seven

Seven cuts, eight

Eight cuts, nine

I’m not fine

On and on it goes

As I try to hide my woes

Pain hits me like a bullet train,

Moving at the speed of light

A flood of guilt rushes through me

But also a sense of happiness

I know I shouldn’t be doing this

I know what I’m doing is wrong

But I deserve it

Right?

I don’t cry anymore

I always smile

But my wrists cry

They cry pools of red

But nobody notices

Not one soul

But I can’t stop

I’ve lost all control

Inspired by the following sh poems: Suicide, I, Beauty, Not A Sound, The Demons Inside

All found on powerpoetry.org

Author's Note

Ignore grammar problems, what do you think of the use of figurative language, any tips to make it better?