ASHLEY

"She is a strong cup of black coffee in this world that is drunk on the cheap wine of shallow love."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

CHAPTER 1

"No please. N-no...." and the 'good' man screams again as the 'bad' man hits him with the baseball bat directly aiming at his head. The 'bad' man then walks over to a woman and a boy of around the age of thirteen, who have been tied up on the wall, with a knife in his hand. All these people look oddly familiar to me but I don't know who they are.

"Ahhh....." I hear a loud, ear piercing scream from the woman as the 'bad' man slides the knife deeper into her cheek. He continues his assault on her by digging the knife in her thigh, then on the palm of her left hand and again over her already torn cheek. He then walks over to the boy, after picking up a whip, and smirks on seeing fear flicker through the boy's eyes.

Without second thoughts, the 'bad' man starts hitting the boy and all I can hear is the boy's horrendous screams and the 'bad' man's malicious and evil laughter. Suddenly, the man turns around and stares directly at me and then his eyes flicker over to the 'good' man. "No, s-she is... s-s-she is just a nine-year o-ol-old. Leave her o-out of th-this..." The 'bad' man only grins starts walking towards me and after two long strides, he is standing directly in front of me staring deep into the depths of my soul with only a burning passion of hatred.

He then hits me with the baseball bat, but as if my mouth has been sealed shut, I don't scream nor do I move; as if my body is nothing but numb, I don't feel any pain; the only thing is that I see pitch black darkness. Only a small light bulb hangs from the surface of the roof that illuminates the small room enough to make me able to make out the faces of all the people in the room.

I have a weird feeling like I have known this place but I don't know where it is. It's as if I am at home but not safe.

"You're a good soldier
choosing your battles
pick yourself up
And dust yourself off
Get back in the saddle...."

Shakira's Waka-Waka wakes me up from my sweet slumber. I groan and rub my head, realizing that it was just another one of my nightmares. But it did seem so surreal.

"You're on the front line
everyone's watching
You know it's serious
We're getting closer
This isn't over..."

Throwing off the thin sheet of 'blanket', that my parents oh-so-generously provided me with, and getting up from my 'bed', that is just a mattress laid on the floor of the attic, I shut off my blaring alarm. Yes, I live in the attic of our house.

And suddenly Rebecca, my 'mother', barges into my room, "S**t, you have only just woken up. You have another twenty minutes to get ready, or today you go to school again while limping," she ends her sentence with her trademark smirk that terrifies me. She leaves my room not before throwing my clothes for the day at my face.

On my way to the bathroom, I examine the clothes and release a sigh that sounds more like a wince of disgust. It's a pink coloured lacy push up bra, a black thong, a small pink coloured crop top, that would surely not be able to contain my breasts and a mini skirt, more like a micro-mini skirt, that will barely cover my butt.

I strip off my clothes, turn on the shower and let the cold water trickle down my hair and bare back. I don't know why but through all these years, cold water has been able to calm down my nerves whenever I am in a state of panic or anxiousness.

And suddenly my mind wanders off to yesterday night's events - Rebecca, Axel, my 'dad' and Jade, my 'brother' had abused me up to the point where I was not able to walk on my own, atleast not without a little support from the wall. All just because I did not heat up their dinner in time. Yay, my life!

This is not what I had expected my life to become, no parents to love me, no brother to be over-protective nor a true friend to share my secrets, my nightmares with. The scariest part of all this isn't dying like this, like a broken person; but it is living like this forever.

All these years of verbal and physical abuse, has exhausted me psychologically and physically. As a ten year old, I always thought of a fairy tale ending of my life; I always believed in love. But as time passed and I grew up, my tale taught me that fairy tales don't exist; love only hurts.

The realization dawned on me that I am not a love story or fairy tale waiting to be written; I am a cowardly romantic with morning glory who is a bad case of playing the victim.

After I finish showering, I wrap a towel around me and step out of the bathroom. I wear my clothes and walk over to the full length mirror near the other side of my bedroom. I wear the clothes and shudder in disgust on seeing my reflection.

As I apply a little bit of foundation and stroke the eyeliner's tip on my eyelids, I don't fail to notice myself. The thing that frightens me the most isn't the evil in the world, but the person that I see in the mirror, there's so much of me that's still a mystery to me.

After I suffered a memory loss because of being in an accident at the age of nine, I don't remember anything about those nine years of my life. But the people whom I now call my 'family' don't seem as familiar as the ones in my nightmare. I don't know why but I feel as if I have a special connection to them.

Thinking of family brings tears to my eyes, but I blink furiously to stop them from falling down because I have realized that growing up means not crying in front of those who make you weak.

My own thought always seem to betray me; they brutalize my body and cut deep into my heart; the strings that hold my life together are snipping one by one. I don't know what I have done and I am clueless to the consequences; my worth has been carved away and the product has left me speechless. I am watching myself falling down with the same chasm as I had before and this time there is no safety net.

With thoughts such as these I am soon in the kitchen preparing breakfast for my family and setting up the table. Soon, they gather around the table and start eating the breakfast. I am never allowed to eat breakfast with them, so I grab a granola bar and make my way towards the garage. I grab my backpack from my room on the way and go to stand besides Jade's Range Rover.

He drives me every day to and from school and all the 'friends' that I have are all based on his approval. All the s***s and jocks that belong the 'popular' clique are his friends and so they are even mine. Soon, Jade comes and gets inside the car and starts of the engine and we are off to Rosewood high, once I am seated in the passenger's seat.

He parks the car besides his girlfriend's car, Aliana Mase. And one thing you would like to know about Aliana is that she is my so-called 'Best friend' and also what those cliché love stories call THE 'Queen Bee' of Rosewood High. She is the rich, snobby, stuck up girl who has had sex with almost the whole male population of the town. Her face is always caked up with make up; she always resembles a walking colour book.

She is also the head cheerleader and the head bully of our school. She always bullies all those who do not belong to the popular clique of our school.

The 'Rawr' of the engine is put off when Jade pulls out the key from the ignition and gets out of the car and goes straight towards Aliana who is already making her way towards us in clothes that look more like a napkin covering very little of her chest and butt region.

And soon enough the two are in a heated, full-on make-out session. Only the sight of them eating up each other's face makes me want to puke my guts out. And so, without sparing them another glance I go straight inside the school towards my locker to get my books for my first lecture, English Literature.

Books have always been my escape, my solace, my safe haven - my only Best Friends. So to escape this cruel reality called 'Life', I bury my head deeper into my books like I am digging my own grave. I love to read the compelling story hiding behind the lines of alphabetical mystery, romance and drama; I love to live vicariously through the protagonist's tale.

Being a Bibliophile, I grab a book only to know what happens when I turn the page. I read with vigour, hoping that, maybe, just maybe, there will be an alternate ending. But most importantly I read just so to think that my story could change too.

Yes, some people may say that I am materialistic. But what can I say, because unlike people, they STAY! Writing has been another one of my major hobbies. Everything I write has started to give me relief, because I put pain in my words and emotions through the ink.

I always wanted someone with whom I could share my secrets and that's how I started writing. My teacher, Mrs. Moore likes my writings a lot and what she says has had a major impact on my life. But the only thought that made me start reading and writing was "No one is a born writer, but becomes one when destiny collaborates with creativity."

As I start walking towards my class I see Aliana calling out for me with a rather grumpy look on her face. I crane my head a little more towards the left to see Chase Matthew glaring at her furiously. I come to the conclusion that the grumpy look on her face is because of Chase's umpteenth rejection of her.

She has been obsessed with Chase since freshman year, and this senior year she has pledged to date him because he and his other two best friends, Luke and Ryan, are the only people whom she has not dated.

Chase's eyes then dart towards me and stares me down with an even more deadly glare. I don't know why but it hurts me but then I mask my face with an emotionless expression. A look of confusion overtakes his features but he soon hides it by turning around and walking towards his first class.

This Chase Matthew is no rich boy, but he has the body of a Calvin Klein model and the features of a Greek God body, atleast to my eyes. Not only his looks, but personality wise also, this guy is perfect. He is polite to anyone and everyone except for Jade and I, and I don't know why. Cue, the sigh. (Hey, that rhymed!)

Chase Matthews, Luke Martin, Ryan Woods and Rue Smith are the people who are liked by everyone in our school. All of them except Chase are the richest people in the town and their parents are the co-owners of the same company THE Stevenson Group of Companies. Although, none of their last name is Stevenson.

The three had been best of friends since childhood and Chase was added to their group in 8th standard. Also, the 'it' couple of our school are the two of them, Ryan and Rue. They have been in a relationship since the past one year and are so-in love. Even Luke is rumoured to be dating a girl called Maddison whom he asked out five months ago, after several dates.

And, the last - Chase Matthew. I don't know much about this guy but I am attracted towards his eyes a lot. Those honey brown eyes with green speckles in them, have a certain allure in them that never fail to grab my attention. The hurt and broken look in his eyes, the fake smiles, the rare laughs, the emotionless expressions, everything about him makes me want to know him. 

It's like he has forgotten, how he feels? Or maybe, it's just me.

I know he won't confide all his darkest and deepest secrets to me, but how I wish we were close!

But what I do know about him is that he feels very sad, and he has honest eyes; I suppose - everyone who is broken has a value and place in this world.

And he has a place in my heart. Yes, it is official - Chase Matthews, is my first and only crush! No one knows about this stupid crush, except for me and my diary.

And as I reach the class and take my seat beside Aliana on the last bench of the middle row, the bell rings marking the start of my boredom.

Oh my, this is one hell of torture!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"She has scars not on her body, but on her heart."