The Spider (Poem)

This is it

I see a fly

Or is hunger

Playing with my mind

I hope it's not the latter

Cause I'm dying slowly. 

Fading away.

Author's Note

A spider was in my bathroom...

Reviews

[Steven]

Dude, I love this. Super creative. In it's simplicity, it speaks volumes. A reader could run off down many rabbit trails. Who is the predator? Who is the parasite? Is it me? or is it Life? The only snag I see is that last line... For some reason it doesn't fit for me. It's too absolute, which makes the poem's end concrete instead of open-ended, and recognizes the listener, which now is us, and not only him speaking to himself. I like it better him speaking to himself. I'd lose it or adjust it. Fantastic write!

[Damien Davison]

I really appreciate the constructive criticism, I'll be sure to keep the spider talking to itself. Never thought of it like that, but it makes perfect sense. Thank you.

[gloomysundays]

I have to agree with the previous reviewer. The last line just doesn't really cut it for me. I really do like the poem, though.

You have to be careful not to over-estimate the whole simplicity of things because at times they might even borderline dull. I think the one thing that made is stand out was the line "or is hunger playing with my mind?" because it really gives the spider it's own personality. It notices it's life dwindling and it's not sure if it can hold on long enough to catch that one fly.

I think there could have also been a creative way to say the second to last stanza. Your poetry is very simple and subtle. I enjoyed reading this poem. Good luck and happy writing.

Cheers!
87/100

[Damien Davison]

Thank you for reading and reviewing this piece. Really one of my less powerful... I wrote a song on guitar when my ex was pregnant about a spider in our bathroom that had a web up in a corner. I felt bad for the thing. Anyway, forgot how the verses went but that was the chorus. Could change it up but at the same time I made it 3 years ago so I kind of just wanted it up. Thank you again.

[gloomysundays]

Oh, I'll be sure to look into your more recent poems then.