Black Sonnet Cafe

This one is tough to analyze with the Cobain style lyrics. So if you want to know the meaning behind it, just ask.

Black Sonnet Café

Let us practice in the dark

She’s a nouveau poetess

In a black lace thrift store dress

Do her right and leave some marks    

Disappearance in the park

Everything just makes me stress

Living in this wilderness

Think I’ll go and shoot up sparks

In the company of w****s

Not so perfect, I’m a creep

Please come back, I want some more

Up all night ‘cause I can’t sleep

Now and then forevermore

Promises that she can’t keep

July, 2014

Author's Note

My first sonnet, so the lyricist in me really struggled with the 14 line structure, iambic rhythm and weird rhyme schemes, as this example of Italian form: abba / abba with a cdc / dcd sestet. I took liberties with traditional meter, writing a trimeter-half-step poem.

Reviews

[barleygirl]

I don't see this as a sonnet, not by the rules I grew up with, but I realize things change. Whether it's a sonnet or not is a point without a distinction. The important thing is, your writing is lyrical & I can feel the connection to various dark artists in genres I cannot name (((HUGS)))

[Damien Thibodeaux]

Thank you for visiting my page and reviewing this poem. You are right, this broke all the rules of sonnet writing, as I did not write in pentameter. I started it with the intention of a sonnet then made it very different. Thank you again for reading. It's been a while since I've had any interaction with other writers.

[barleygirl]

I'm allergic to anything with a name like "iambic pentameter" . . . if my poems have a beat, it's just something that happens, I can't do meter!

[grimfukle]

Well done. Writing a sonnet in any form can be daunting, but you have done very well here.

[Damien Thibodeaux]

Thank you for reading. I’m glad you liked it. Yeah, I really took liberties with meter on this.

[Matching Socks]

I struggle with structure too. I think you did a fine job though.
I do like the Cobainesque lyrics.

[Damien Thibodeaux]

Thank you for reading and thank you so much for leaving your thoughts. I'm glad you liked it and am honored by your visit to my page.

[Matching Socks]

You're welcome. :). What is the meaning?

[Damien Thibodeaux]

It's about a girl that comes into a boy's life for a brief time. They were lovers. She likes her sex rough, though it's against his nature. She promises to love him forever, but one day she vanishes without saying goodbye. He is distraught. He seeks solace in vices which cannot comfort him or replace what is lost.

[Matching Socks]

I was partially right... Thank you Damien.

[Rita L. Sev]

How did I miss this one? Deep, dark images - your trademark - and a great rhythm. The form is there, but with your own style Damien.

[Damien Thibodeaux]

Thank you so much for reading, my dear friend. This is the one I was asking your advice about a while back. It thought it wanted to be a song, but in the end it was a sonnet after all (though not in traditional pentameter). I'm glad you liked it.

[Sami Khalil]

Darkly written but wonderfully such...:)...................

[Damien Thibodeaux]

Thank you for reading and reviewing, Sami.

[Sami Khalil]

You are welcome...:)................

[livetowrite]

WOW WOW WOW. So deep and dark, so moving too. please feel free to comment on some of my work.

[Damien Thibodeaux]

Thank you!

[Fran Marie]

a deep darkness to this sonnet piece Damien...with rich imagery expressed throughout ...

well done indeed !

[Damien Thibodeaux]

Thank you so much, Fran. It means a lot to me to have you visit. I'm glad you liked it.

[Fran Marie]

you're welcome dear friend

[Tina Kline]

I enjoyed this a lot. It has a nice dark feel to it. I think you did a great job on the structure.

[Damien Thibodeaux]

Thanks Tina! I struggled with it, because I wanted it to be a sonnet, but it wanted to be a Nirvana song. I won....kinda. Thank you for your kinds words.

[Tina Kline]

You're most welcome.

[Lyn Anderson]

This is absolutely amazing. I don't care if it is conformist to style perfected or not, this instantly goes in my faves, and gets a shout out. WATCHING the FEED? READ this!!! :)

[Damien Thibodeaux]

Thank you so much. I am deeply honored. I don't have the words....thank you.

[Frieda P]

Love this Damien, having accomplished that taunting feel in a sonnet makes it that muchly better.


She’s a nouveau poetess
In a black lace thrift store dress

The imagery is spot on too, reads as a dark encounter wanting to be revisited time and again.

[Damien Thibodeaux]

Thanks Frieda! Coincidence, I was on your page reading and was distracted by a phone call then this review popped up. Ha, ha. Thanks so much. I was concerned about being able to write in this form structure. This started as trying to write a sonnet, which turned into song lyrics, which I forced back into a sonnet.
Now, back to your gypsy....