Caterpillar

A boy learns the meaning of family, life, and finding God.

Caterpillar

I sat down with my grandmother, and listened to her speak about the good old days, and as I heard speak about how she and my grandfather Abraham met, I couldn't help but feel emotional.

Suddenly I felt this need to see my mother and father one last time.

I sat there both in anger and in tears, asking myself why God had to take them away, and how a drunken driver could be set free on bail.
He killed my mother and father, I will never get to see them again and it's all because of some white boy who drank too much, who was too stupid to realise that he was under the influence of alcohol!
How come these idiots are still allowed walking free! Beats me.

I listened to her, but at the same time I wasn't with her. My mind was elsewhere, and I would say my thoughts and emotions were a bit preoccupied.

Our conversation would've never taken place if it wasn't for my friend and his loud mouth, thanks to him I have to sit down and listen to my grandmother go on and on about what a great man my grandfather was; I hardly knew the man.

In some way, I think she could pick I wasn't paying attention, so she got up and opened the door.
I just stared at her, with a kind of distraught look in my eyes. Not knowing what I did wrong, but all I heard was, her asking me to leave. So I did.

Heck! I had better things to do anyway.

No pun intended.

I just felt she was beginning to not bore me, but rather getting under my skin a little too much; her conversations were mostly memories that only she had cherished. I felt strongly, some of the stuff she spoke about had no connection of relating to me at all.

I kinda felt bad.

So I went to my friend's house, but he wasn't there. As I asked around for him by some of their neighbours, they told me he was about two blocks away by his girlfriend.
I kind of hesitated to walk after him, but eventually I went to go look for him, I noticed from afar two guys pointing a gun at him.

I froze.


What I witnessed made me scared and angry at the same time, in some way I saw it as a disbelief that it was really happening, perhaps I'd wake up only to find that it was just a dream.

I closed my eyes, opening them again. But those two guys were still there, both pointing guns at him by then; I didn't know what to do.

I ran his way, but in a way my steps felt slower, as if I was stuck in time.
Everything felt so distant.

I couldn't believe that with one trigger I lost my friend.
The gunshot went off, and everyone who were in the area fell to the ground. In fear, so was I.
And I could hear echoes of the sound of the bullet still ringing through my ear, as if it were multiple shots. But it was only one.

The guys who shot him made a run for it, drove off in their Ford Datsun. I couldn't make out what type it was but I know it was green and kind of rusty. Perhaps it was even stolen.

So I got up, tears already running down my face as if I knew that I didn't need to see his body to know that he was dead. He was just another victim of the violence in the City of Cape Town.

I got on my phone immediately, letting his mother know, and phoning the police afterwards. Soon there were a crowd and everyone wanted to see who was dead. That's how our people were and still are; commentators.

I walked away, not knowing where I was going. The tears running down my face didn't make it any easier for me to hide my emotions. So I went to sit down by a spot only me and Nathan used to sit. Back when we were still in Primary school.

And a string of memories ran through my head.

I just couldn't believe he was gone!


"How could this be? I asked.

I sat there in disbelief not wanting to see, touch or feel anything.

I just wanted to close my eyes and never open them again.

After I had sat there for about an hour or two, I went back home, wiping the tears from my face as I walked in the main road.
I could pick up people were staring at me but I didn't care, I just felt numb of thought and feeling.

As though my insecurities were not vulnerable.

But along the way, one of the members of 'The Corner Boys" by the name of Chester stopped me, who knew both me and Nathan. And he came and approached me with a honest gesture to an absolute solution to my problem.

He handed me a gun.

And I told him I don't have money.

He said I should consider it a gift, seeing that he really liked Nathan and only wanted to see justice being served. And told me I needed the gun just in case they'd come for me. In that way I'd have protection.

Then no one can mess with me.

I told him I didn't need protection from anyone, and definitely not by means of walking around with a firearm.

I practically begged him to take the gun from me.

But he didn't want it.

I wanted to give it back, I even handed his gun back to him. But he however insisted I keep it.

He then walked away, with a smile on his face as if he had done me a favour. But I knew that nothing was for free with these guys.


There was always a catch.

Soon I arrived home with the gun stuffed in my back.

"Are you okay Malcolm?' Asked my grandmother, concerned.


I didn't say anything, I just shook my head. But I wasn't at all okay. I knew deep inside that I'd never be, and I knew that she'd know about what had occurred before I'd even get the chance to tell her, before I'd even get home; she loved Nathan as if he were her own grandson.
Although he always got me into trouble, by telling her exactly what we did when we were younger; she'd take one look at him.

"Are you lying to me Nathan? She'd ask.

And in the blink of an eye, he'd spill out all the details. He'd sell me like that, but not because he was cowardice or that he was chicken, but I only understood this at the moment after Nathan's death that he had so much respect for my grandmother, that he couldn't risk lying to her and return losing her trust in the process.

Once again I knew he had done that without even opening his mouth, given that he was deceased. I knew the cause of his death would have my grandmother watch over me like a hawk, and indeed she did.

She was too quiet, she had this look on her face whenever she'd grow suspicious or concerned of something. I knew, eventually she'd come to me and giving me a long and tiring speech about 'what was right' and 'what was wrong' it was bound to happen, I could see it before it had even occurred.

I went to my room, hid the gun under my pillow and went straight for the shower.
I could tell she had her eye on me; probably about a hundred if you'd ask me.

I locked the door, and got into the shower. Didn't bother turning on the hot water, I just wanted to cry while the water dropped down my face, so wouldn't notice my tears nor my pain. I just wanted to feel nothing, and not having her show any sympathy for me, and I didn't want her to see me in such a state. I wanted to cry alone, and thus I did.


When I was finally done, I got dressed, and saw her waiting for me in the living room with the gun on the table and that very same look of suspicion and concern had shown on her face. I felt bad.

How could I leave the gun under my pillow? I said myself, upset.

"I'm not going to ask why I found a gun underneath your pillow, or what you're doing with a gun in the first place', she said, seemingly disappointed.

"Grandma! Look...I can explain', I said, embarrassed.

She stopped me, wouldn't allow me to say anything further.

"Sit down Malcolm', she said, in deep thought.

Before she spoke, she got up and reached for the bible. And softly as she made herself comfortable in the chair, she started reading: "But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you."
It was text found in Matthew 6:33.

She looked at me with her light brown eyes, partially grey hair, soft wrinkled face that showed no sign of stress, nor anger. Perhaps concern. But not anger.

She leaned forward, staring into my eyes.
'Let me tell you a story you will never forget', she said, compassionate.

I had no words to say, nor a motivated look to give her. Just a saddened and embarrassed face with a lot of freckles all over. And I could not stare her into the eyes because I felt ashamed.

She sighed, as she sat up straight.

"You know my boy, you're going to hear this a lot...you know people will tell you that you have a lot to learn, and you will take it as offence when they say it to you, but really you shouldn't', she said, whispering.


I sat there in distraught, wondering why my grandmother was whispering. It all felt so intense. As if she was about to tell me something that was life-threatening.
By this time I was paranoid. I couldn't stop over-thinking that my grandmother was going to give me bad news that she had fallen ill and that social workers were going to take me away from her. I didn't want that to happen, I'd rather die.
But then I heard the clap of her hands gaining my attention, with her asking me if I had heard what she just said, I couldn't even move my lips. I was dazed by confusion and the afterthought of 'what had happened' and 'what could still occur' and I noticed her sigh again, she then proceeded saying:

'A very long time ago, in the time of the Apartheid Era, your grandfather in his late 30's rode on a bicycle this one morning, and unknowingly forgot his identity card at home.
So as he passed the officials, they stopped him. Or rather kicked him off his bicycle. Then demanded him show their identity card. With them was a newly inducted officer by the name of Johannes Engelbrecht.
At the time he and your grandfather didn't know one another, but what occurred after the incident, would either damage the two men's lives or change it forever.
As you are aware, at the time of the Apartheid era, white and both coloured and black skinned people weren't allowed to interact with one another, but on this day as your grandfather fell from his bicycle although him being outnumbered, he stood up for himself and in return received a beating. However the new officer demanded they stopped, of course they did, but this would cause the other officers to either hate officer Engelbrecht or see him as a traitor.
Who failed in the ability of confiding with his own people.

Your grandfather then punched officer Engelbrecht by mistake in the face and due to his act were arrested. He was sentenced two years in prison and by the time he got out, officer Engelbrecht who was now a lieutenant was still in the area.

Sadly, your grandfather was a changed man when he came out. Although filled with tattoos, he however told me he met a man inside of prison who changed his life. The effect the man in prison had on him, would soon come into action when a boycott broke loose in Athlone, Cape Town and un-knowing of this, your father was accused of being part of the boycott. Luckily he was not arrested, unfortunately had to run from the police to ignore being sentenced again and this time for not doing anything.
As he ran, continuously looking over his shoulder he bumped into lieutenant Engelbrecht, who seemed very different than he once were, where he first were a humble and kind-hearted officer of the law, he was now cold and vicious. He appeared to have no remorse for his action; your grandfather immediately knew who he was but pretended not to know him. However lieutenant knew exactly who he was, and pointed a gun him. He asked your grandfather why he was running, and your grandfather said he was running to see me, because we had written to one another for the whole two years.

Officer Engelbrecht surprisingly allowed your grandfather to make his way to me and that night was the first time we saw one another.
Finally a year went by, we got married and I was already pregnant with your father James. Your grandfather started working at the train station, and he seemed happy there. The pay wasn't that much, but at least we had each other, so on this dreadful night. A young man by the name of Marvin, if I remember correctly...was running from the police and in that unit was lieutenant Engelbrecht who was placed in charge of that unit.
So they chased the young man, and as Marvin approached your grandfather he asked him to hide him, but your grandfather told him repeatedly that he can't, he got a baby on the way and he couldn't risk going to prison. But Marvin didn't want to listen and forced your grandfather to help him, perhaps thinking that he'd use him as some sort of hostage. But that plan backfired when Marvin soon found himself surrounded by police officers forcing him to drop his weapon, attempting to shoot them officer Engelbrecht fired the first two shot, on his right knee and the other one landing straight on Marvin's left shoulder. As your grandfather dropped to his knees and the shot that Marvin fired landed straight into your grandfather's spinal chord.
They then arrested Marvin and rushed your grandfather to the hospital, where lieutenant Engelbrecht insisted he'd pay, and as he repeatedly asked your grandfather for his forgiveness, your grandfather however in pain he was, or how upset he should have been pulled lieutenant toward him and said: 'We should be more concerned of asking God for his forgiveness, so if it's forgiveness you seek, then know I already forgave you. Now God is coming for you, because he needs you."

"I'm sorry for what happened to you', lieutenant Engelbrecht said, sorrowful.

"Don't worry my friend, I heard the doctors say I will never walk again, but let me tell you...with our God, nothing is a mystery, nothing is hard, and everything that happens is part of his plan for us', your grandfather said, positive.


Lieutenant Engelbrecht then stayed for an hour or two with your grandfather, after that he left the hospital and returned home.

When he got home, he saw that his wife had left him and took his son and daughter with her.

He was devastated, and immediately tried to get hold her number but she was no where to be found. She left him a note on the kitchen table, explaining to him why she left and that he should change his life, because the one that he was living was not one she had intended for her kids.

After reading letter, he drove back to the hospital where he upon his arrival was hijacked by two men whose faces were covered with ski masks. And they took all his money, even his wedding ring, then pointed a gun at him. Then without fear, as they had the gun to his head, he smiled and said: "You may kill me, but after you kill me. God will come for you."
Then they shot him straight to the head, after that they fled. Then so about an hour later a black couple found him and rushed him off to the hospital, and luckily the nurses and doctors immediately went at it to help him, but unfortunately he suffered massive injuries to the head, and due to the shot to the head and the fact that parts of the bullet cracked inside of his head, he went into a coma. Doctors informed his fellow officers that the bill for the procedure would be too expensive, and that it would take up to 10 years to gather the amount.
So then years went by and Apartheid was over. 1995, a year after elections. Lieutenant Engelbrecht woke up from his coma, and some time after that the doctors examined his head injury and a surgery took place. 10 months later he was released and waiting at the door of the hospital, was your grandfather who was also the one who paid for the bill. And your grandfather wasn't paralysed. Months had passed, and both lieutenant Engelbrecht and your grandfather not only became best friends, they also became ministers in the works of the Lord."

"You see Malcolm, the Lord works in mysterious ways', grandmother said, emotional.

I didn't say a word.

The whole story was something I never heard, and presumably something I'd never forget.
My grandmother then left me with an ultimatum. She basically placed the gun and the bible next to the other leaving me to choose to live by the gun, or live by the word.
I was shocked.

She shed a few tears as she got up.

"This is not for me to decide, this is between you and the almighty God, our Lord and Saviour', she said, hopeful.

When she went into the kitchen, I grabbed hold of the gun and went straight to Chester to give the gun back to him, but on my way, I noticed those very same boys who gunned down my best friend attempting to do the same to Chester, so I urged them to run, warning them that those boys were coming for them, so I found myself soon afterwards running with them.
A bit in distraught, I fell to my knees wondering how I'd get out of this, but Chester pulled me, yelling at me to get up before I could even think straight to what I was gonna do, so whilst running I couldn't help but reminisce at the time my own grandfather ran for his life, and unknowingly his life turned out a story unmatched and remarkable, that I'd give anything just to be half the man he was.

As I ran, I noticed a white boy walking from the Pick and Pay store where he worked, straight to his car. He pressed the open keys on his car's remote, and unlocked the door, but before he could attempt to get in, Chester pointed the gun to his head grabbing the car keys out of his hands and throwing them at me. Then asked for any money he had, and immediately the young man gave all he had, but still Chester looked eager and determined to shoot him.
And as he forced the young man to get down on his knees, Chester said:
"Say your last words!"

The young man smiled peacefully and said', You may kill me, but after you kill me. God will come for you."
Then without hesitating, I told Chester to stop, but he didn't want to, so I pointed the gun to his head. Surprised, he looked at me with a distraught, and asked me what I was doing, that I better pull the trigger because if I don't he'd come for me.

But it didn't bother me.

It felt as though it were the right thing to do, as though we were destined to meet. Then out of anger Chester left and I helped the young man to his knees. However he looked at me a bit fearful until I threw gun in the trash can, then he offered me lift back home.
I could sense he was a bit fearful, but as we spoke he became more and more comfortable around me, so we soon found ourselves in my area and I showed him where I lived.
My grandmother saw this, and was a bit confused. She probably thought I did something wrong, but I told her he was my friend. Then she invited him in, but he insisted it was okay, he was planning to visit his grandfather in hospital, then she insisted he come in and thus he did, and whilst he looked at all the photos while my grandmother made him some tea, he saw his grandfather and said to my grandmother:

"Your husband is the most greatest man I've ever heard my grandfather speak about, and it is an honour to have met his grandson who shows the same traits as he once did."

"But if it wasn't for your grandfather, my husband could've been paralysed and who knows...I might have never given birth to my son', grandmother said, with tears in her eyes.

"If my grandfather was here now, I know he'd say that your man is the man who changed his life. Introduced him to God and worked 10 long years to pay for his hospital bill, and for that we're forever grateful', he said, thankful.