J

When Paperface finally discovers who his parents, he found the unexpected and his life became caution to the wind.

The Pursuit of Paperface: J


In a split second I found myself waking up to a dream and suddenly Ignatius and William were getting done, packing a few bags along with Antoinette and her parents also doing the same. Then Ignatius told me that we were going to see his father, my rich grandfather. My grandfather's chauffeur was leading us around a hill or
plateau, with mansions and little paths. It's steep in spots.
We went down a long stretch of stairs by crowded cafes and terraces with parties lit by trees spangled in white Christmas lights. Up the far side of the ravine, past hundreds of laughing yuppies. It was a long hard climb. Champagne glasses clink like a forest of chimes.
My grandfather's place was small. But the neighbours had mansions! Perhaps he didn't like showing off; he struck me as one of those personal type of men and his house stood on the edge of the heights, with a grand view from the cliffs. I know most of the orphans I knew would by now have spoken of how they'd resent these rich people with such a broad horizon when his son lived such a cramped life, however Ignatius was a very independent person as far as I've gathered. Ignatius, despite being gay didn't seem less of a man just because he was gay, and he never complained about anything he might have been struggling with, whether it was illness nor fear...no vision. We walked into his unguarded place--i couldn't help being a bit narcissistic but for a moment a thought came to mind that these rich people thought that their neighbourhood was so safe, so far above some poor people that they did not even need to lock their "castles"!-- We strolled in and were treated as royalty as we were led to his room. He had all the lights and the sprinklers on timers--the young man who was there, hooked my grandfather's VCR and computers to the timers--they'd go off in the middle of saving things, probably during his favourite shows.

I did not know his name. But I had presumed him to be about my age.


They had a big meat freezer. He turned it off.

"Oh great! Here comes the homosapiens!' He said disrespectful...


'You know what Ishmael, I'm getting tired of your nonsense now! You're being rude now; where's your mom?' Ignatius asked upset...


'Why don't you just die, I can't believe you're my uncle!' Ishmael said.


Out of anger Ignatius had led us all to our rooms and had not bothered taking us to his father, instead he suggested that the next day, he'd introduce me to my grandfather. I just did not understand why Ignatius allowed Ishmael to get under his skin when I knew that he and William were and would always remain perfectly nice people. Well, not perfect--but no worse than the orphans I knew.

However I never grew into the idea of considering them as friends.

Still I did not know why he had chosen to stay in such a small house, given the fact that he was as wealthy as he were; nonetheless, perhaps he were the private type who were so humbled by what they had, that they didn't bother any further trying
to boast about their wealth and status.

'Only a few men remains adamant in times of rain."


Perhaps Ishmael would after a while feel guilty and come and apologise to Ignatius. Then their argument would appear to be but a mere afterthought. Sort of like an elusive quarrel.

And maybe, just maybe he'd ask himself, 'why DID I say that to him?

Ignatius would probably think to himself, that Ishmael's only messing around. Perhaps he doesn't mean anything he's saying.
I always thought justice was like 'animals that has DIED to create a locker full of food and to waste their meat would be as bad as killing them in the first place!" Talk about poetic justice.

Ending the bad blood would be as easy as one, two, three; as I'd simply pull the plug.


I was so tired, and the tension between Ignatius and Ishmael did not help anybody, so when I fell asleep on the sofa, perhaps William or Ignatius would carry me off to bed. If I'd be wrong then it would be a bad presumption.

But I wasn't fully asleep, when I overheard Ignatius and William speak about my grandfather's new house, and I overheard Ignatius say when he was younger he'd go down at the foot of that cliff, where there was an inlet.
Where his mother would always lead him down to it, to the old house built on pilings. That very same house which his father was busy renovating.
And some sort of eagerness rosé through my heart whereby I was so anxious to see the house Ignatius grew up in and t'was now being converted into my grandfather's dream house. I heard William say, "and all this for your mother." "Talk about love' said Antoinette's mother.

"Only it's NOT a house, just a
decorative pavilion and walkways, board-walks,
piers, and rocks. A bigger mansion blocks the
view--my parents didn't mind back then, they perhaps felt snug, they didn't LIKE open views', said Ignatius.




"Trust me William...they're more open-minded then ever before, wouldn't you agree Iggy?' Antoinette's mother asked.



William sat there stunned at what he heard.

And Ignatius had looked so sad, perhaps he longed for his mother.


Then he lifted his chin up, and the sadness soon changed into a make believe smile, then he said,"They put the rocks in the channel too, to keep yachts out--thus allowing my folks to believe that they're still middle class, not too friendly to millionaires. Still revolutionaries.
Right...


'Indeed not, my love." Said William, cheerful.



Then I was gone. I fell asleep after that, and in my dream, my father William, was driving. We found ourselves in a cross-town auto race. We were ahead, but when we passed the school Ignatius went to when he was little, my father William pulled into a construction site by mistake. Ignatius yelled at him to back out, but he
wouldn't listen, kept trying to go through to the
other side. Took him years to back out. By then
our lead was lost.
In the next lane was a slow pickup truck, towing a U-haul trailer, both jammed with stuff. My grandfather's stuff! His old stereo, his chess board collection, his old baseball cards, a straw hat...and a necklace.
Ignatius tried to write the license number down. But he couldn't get it all. And then, as they peeled off onto a place called "the Bay, Ignatius blurt out impulsively: "Let them go, my father's stuff is worthless anyway. But might mean something to Sebastian."
And my father William took Ignatius at his word!
Ignatius was kind of rude, but nonetheless being bluntly honest.
He drove out of the construction site and as he pulled into reverse, someone yelled whilst blocking our way out of the construction site: "
GET ME OUT OF HERE SEBASTIAN! I DON'T WANT TO BE IN HERE WITH YOU."

"It can't be!' I said startling...

It was Paperface. How could this be?"


My father drove on. And just as he wanted to ask Paperface what had happened, he disappeared and appeared as if he had vanished into thin air, as if he were only a figment of my imagination, and then I woke up finding myself in a sweat, my heart racing fast and my eyes wide open.


When we finally arrived home, I went straight to my room, just when I attempted to write more to 400Rome, Ignatius called me all the way from the kitchen and had suggested I first join them for supper, since the drive from my grandfather's house to ours were a fine distance apart.



So as soon as I was done, I helped Ignatius with the dishes and asked both him and William permission to be excused so that I could attend to my room, and right after I had asked so kindly to be excused, I got lost in the story and felt inspire the moment where I actually laid eyes on Paperface, to how I had envisioned him to be and suddenly there were a silence.

It seemed Paperface had the privilege to finally meet the people who had introduced them as his parent. This man and woman whom he met only after they had sent their chauffeur to bail him out had no selfless love, they believed in power and not in an existence ran by strength but domination.


Growing up, he always knew that he'd either be adopted or live as an adult once he would turn eighteen, unfortunately he never had the opportunity to be an adopted child. So when he came of age, he left the orphanage and stared the world into its eye.
But he never thought it would come to the point where he'd actually meet them; in some way he must've thought that if things were different, he'd perhaps have been adopted by a certain family, wealthy or not, no matter if he was born into the family or adopted. His parents would probably have told him growing up that when he reached the age of 18, if he wanted to search for his birth parents, they would help him do it. Or perhaps not.


For many years, he dealt with some medical issues in the orphanage where he felt abandoned.
He was never adopted and felt like a misfit and outcast almost his entire life, he didn't even bother getting his non-ID information. On the contrary, they came looking for him and found him in a prison, and where one would think they'd come to bail him out of prison, they actually aided to his escape.

When the day finally broke loose, a certain packet arrived in the prison mail. He must've been very nervous or perhaps not but he seemed a bit excited and curious all at the same time. He then
waited until his cell mate Sebastian Ross left the cell to open it.

When he opened the packet, he read it together. He seemed was amazed as to what he read. As he read about his birth mother who had written to him and telling him that he shouldn't fight with the Fisherman because he is after all his grandfather, he sat there for a moment, in such distraught, not knowing if he should be proud of her or hate her.

The letter did not give very much information about his birth father, other than on one of the pages in big letters, where it said, “Alleged Father.” That is when he got the feeling that something bad had happened.
After Sebastian returned, Paperface had hid the letter underneath his pillow just as soon as he finished reading the information given by his mother Eloise Krause, he told Sebastian nothing, and just laid his head on the pillow and fell asleep, he wanted by then so badly to get to
know his birth mother more, the letter inspired him to search for her, so he laid there thinking of a way to get out of there, but on the letter she had given him a direct location where she and his brother and sister lived. He thought of nothing else than getting out of prison, just to see her.

Perhaps he could not believe he'd actually meet the people he so wished he as a young child would call his parents, and he looked so determined to continue to search for his birth mother once he got out.



He decided to write his birth mother an outreach statement with the name Paperface and gave it to the man who spoke to him about his life in prison.
Several days went by and the days felt more like months. He got frustrated about the
situation, about her not replying to his mail but little did he know that the man he thought he could trust, had betrayed him and had given the letter to Sebastian, and due to such disloyalty which Sebastian did not tolerate, it looked as if through Sebastian's eyes were a traitor.

But Paperface didn't care what Sebastian thought or what he'd say, he just wanted to know who she was so he could confront her and ask her why she abandoned him and choosing not to have him be part of her life.

The day finally came when he received a phone call from a phone his mother had smuggle into prison just so she could hear his voice. But when he answered the phone, it was not his mother speaking, but a lady by the name of 'Akiane" and she said she spoke to his mother, and that she wanted to have contact with him but she was on her way to prison!

Akiane told him who she were and that before she could give him all of the information, his brother, who was her husband took the phone from her and spoke to him saying,' We looked everywhere for you William, mother wanted you to know the truth: she wanted you to know us."


When he heard that she was actually on her way of attempting to free him, He actually tried to smile, for once was he not angry or bitter about his beginnings, but what really made him curious was the fact that he'd for once find out more about his father. Question was...will he have to change his identity once again?


His brother called him "William" over the phone, perhaps that was the name they intended him to have, would he from then onwards be William? Would Paperface become but a mere afterthought?



Another phone call came through and it was from his mother who had spoke to him over the phone and had explained to him that it was several weeks after his mother was pregnant with him that she discovered they had to flee and when she finally gave birth to him, she was so overwhelmed with joy that she didn't want to let him go, but something tragic happened and a man by the name of Sebastian Ross, had abducted him to get back at his grandfather 'The Fisherman" and had left him at the doorstep of an orphanage.

When she told him that, it was as if his whole world had stood still, his mother of course told him that she was currently not thrilled with the turn of events and told him they'd speak soon.


Then not even an hour, whilst it all still seemed so peaceful,

suddenly!

An armed battle broke late that night at prison in the rival gang's territory.
It happened so fast, that no one noticed that something like that would happen, at first it seemed Paperface was at ease, but once news broke out that Paperface had escaped, Sebastian Ross was devastated.
The escape involved a secret organisation/ or rather, wealthy people who practically owned the police. They had power, and even had the power to cause a riot inside of prison, just so Paperface could escape; and they controlled many gangs and even gave money to gang bosses who used guns smuggled into the prison. Paperface got hold of one of these guns and t'was later apparently involved in holding guards at gunpoint, with several prisoners swapping clothes with the guards and seizing car keys to aid their escape.
But he was unaware who were in control of his big escape. He did not even know these men who escaped with him as long as he would get out.
At around 1:45am that night the prisoners made their escape, using a prison maintenance pickup-truck to leave the maximum facility.
Paperface was thought to be missing from the institution, along with seven other prisoners. As things currently stood, it would be the largest single break out in the history of that prison.

Two guards were injured during the escape, while one was thought to have died of a heart attack during the struggle.

And when he came outside he saw a man and woman waiting for him, and immediately he knew they were his parents. He didn't say much as he got into their car but right before that, when they saw him, they called him 'William."

He was a little stunned at their reaction when they had seen him, and he had not said a word as they hugged him.


'I am your father, my name is Zayn...I know this might be a little too much to handle at the moment but I want you to know that we had sent men to look for you', said Zayn.



'Please, spare me the sob stories, just get me out of here', Paperface(now William) said.


Zayn replied with a peculiar stare. Not saying anything on top of what his son said.



It was a strange way to meet ones parents.




So they drove off, no one said anything much along the way and soon they arrived at a mansion, and Paperface just glanced at their house.

In front of the mansion awaited two young ladies and a young man who was probably his brother, so as Paperface made his way out of the car, his brother and the two young ladies whom he had not yet known at that time, briefly came his way in a kind manner, attempting to greet him what a hug or perhaps a kiss on the cheek, however that was not how Paperface were; he just wanted to go inside.


And after that, days passed.

He didn't speak much, he didn't dine with them, nor did he sleep on the bed they provided him with, on the contrary...and rather chose to sleep on the wooden floor; he remained distant.


As days had passed, they probably noticed that he never really went out the front door because the houses backed on to a square, which was a short cut to town, so he always used
the back door and gardens. It was mostly a street of bedsits; their house was one of the only family homes in the neighbourhood and Paperface was now at the peak of being rebellious.


There were many rooms in this mansion which his parents owned.


One of the others, three doors up, belonged to this tall black man who always had on a suit and always stopped at the door to stare at the time on his watch and would stare at the window for the like outside.

His brother Mariah told him the man had moved there about the same time as the lady who never came out, and she was there since 1972. He told Paperface that their mother went to see her a couple of times, and would always knock three times then instantly the door would be locked on the inside.


The tall man would always complain about Zayn who never took time to repair the mansion; in some way he had a problem with them wasting so much money, in some way it had been a problem to him. Zayn replied with that same stare he gave Paperface and explained to the tall black man he was a busy man but he really wanted to get the roof fixed.


'No worries, I already took to liberty of getting someone to do it for you,' the man said.



'Well, I suppose a thank you is necessary? But if you do that again you'd better start writing your obituary!' Zayn said upset...


Then kindly walked away.


The tall black man seemed upset and just remained silent, not arguing, and right there in front of Paperface and Mariah he just showed Zayn this immense fear.

The man whom the tall man had hired to check out the roof came round and had a look but said he didn't really do roofs. Only basements. So he had a look at their basement, too, but there was an underground spring and it couldn't be dug
down any further.
All the houses had french windows at the front that let you into the basement from outside steps.

The man whose name was Gibson was filling the stairwell with concrete. And all this whilst Paperface had to spend quality time with his parents, yet in a way refused their comfort nor their love.


Everything was so strange, they weren't the parent types. They were more like people who had no experience of how to raise children, as if their children were raised by the maid servants.


Paperface's mother perhaps thought the man must've been doing something to improve the property and they were all waiting to see what it would be. But as she went by, all he had done was cut off the entrance to the basement. There were two pots of dead plants sitting
where he'd filled it in. It seemed odd. And in the blink of an eye, whilst Paperface sat on the front porch, he witnessed his mother slit the man's throat, then his father drag the man's dead body to the garden and dug it nearly 6 feet deep, and young Paperface stood there stunned at what he had just witnessed.



Mariah then told Paperface the following,'One day mother went to Gloucester on the train
and got chatting to this 18-year-old girl who lived near a friend of hers. They walked home together and the girl told our mother how much she hated the place she was lodging in and how she wanted to find somewhere else to live."




'So what did she do?' Paperface asked, not at all curious.


"So mother gave a place to stay and she lived happily here with us until one day we found her hanging by a rope in the room Mr. Perfection stays in', Mariah said.



'Who's Mr Perfection?' Asked Paperface.



'That idiot who complained about the roof', said Mariah.



'So after we took care of the body of the girl to avoid police arriving at our doorstep, Mr Perfection's wife went into the room and we never saw her again', Mariah said.



'So what is he still doing here?' Asked Paperface.



'I suppose he's looking for her', Mariah said laughing as he walked away.




'Sebastian would say that's a requiem for a dream', Paperface said softly...



Nonetheless Mariah hadn't heard what his brother had said and a certain discomfort surrounded him for a second.


At around the same time when this occurred, their mother walked up to another room and inside was a man who had woken up a couple of
times in the early hours by people right outside his window. Each time he heard a young woman crying and the voices of a woman and a man talking to him, sounding as if they were trying to persuade him to jump out of the window. Their mother wanted to go out and see what was going on, but their father didn't want to get involved. It was one of those places where you didn't talk to the neighbours and there was no sense of community. In the end, the fact that this man was basically going nuts made their mother laugh and feel it was OK not to interfere.




In another room at the same time their mother made sure all of their guests were pleasant, a teenage girl knocked on their door at
about nine o'clock at night, asking if she could see her grandmother in the other room. She said she didn't want to go to the room where the young girl had hung herself. She kept saying he voice haunted their dreams at night; she seemed really scared about something, but they didn't think to ask her what.


Then Paperface's mother sat down next to him on the sofa and told him about her 3 brothers and her sister, and about his grandfather.

"I was nearly 15 and was left alone for a year and my sister had to look after me and my brothers, aged 16, 14 and 12. We were never really wealthy as I grew up; our father was a fisherman and had spent a long period of time on sea, so when he returned he found our mother murdered but what he didn't know was...that the killer was his best friend Sebastian Ross', said Paperface's mother.



'So what does that have to do with me?' Paperface asked.



'William listen, this man destroyed our lives. It had been 14 years after the death of my mother and since that day our father, your grandfather became a very dangerous serial killer and so we too became', Paperface's mother said.




Paperface said nothing, showed not a stare nor gave a reaction. It seemed whatever she had to say, were but a mere afterthought, he fact that they were his parents were perhaps too but a fluke to him. When she left it looked exactly the same. As if he had sat there all alone on the sofa. She must've felt glad he was finally there with them, his family. She'd feel a sense of despair and always hated it. She hated not knowing the whereabouts of her son, nor the circumstances he had to face alone.


Whilst sitting on the sofa all alone, he switched on the television and was watching the news when suddenly he saw a story broke about a man named Trividy Vulkage having killed at least 30 men and women, and buried some of them in his cellar - and crucified some of them against the walls and pasted their bodies with clay in bloodstained house. Supposedly many viewers were horrified and must've felt a total disbelief and fear. In the blink of an eye he saw his entire family in the living room, and his father immediately phoned his sister first just so he could speak to her husband, then they all phoned a few of their friends. What made Paperface sit there in curiosity and distraught were the fact that they all spoke about Trividy Vulkage, the man who was arrested for the murder of those 30 men and women.





Perhaps he thought it was because they all felt retrospectively vulnerable. On the contrary because he was not sure, he asked them who trividy Vulkage were to them and they said he was the son of Sebastian Ross.

His mother then said to him, 'He's your uncle.'



They all sat there watching the news, going on the internet for any updates on the Trividy trials that would soon take place but there was nothing yet, and they had all seemed upset because he was ruining everything and soon the police would be on the lookout for every serial killer. Zayn, his father told him that they were the same age and the fact that Trividy had somethings so reckless had left them all vulnerable and many of Trividy's victims were young pupils and some even children of wealthy men and women could have been among them. He was hardcore but perhaps his morals or intentions were not to get money, but rather get to someone.

In a way, in his own perspective Paperface
must've felt lucky he had got away.



Since his brother's wife Akiane had been staying with them and seeing that she actually met Trividy and were once one of his prodigies she was the first person to be phone from Trividy, in a total panic, she startled not knowing what to say and he said,' How could you run so far, when a serial killer was living so close."


Then he hung up.



His mother only said, "Oh my God, the jackal is committing suicide of being locked inside hell with two madmen."

But the look on Paperface's face was a look that immediately showed that he was mentally gone and desperately in need of wanting to find somewhere else to live, and by Akiane crying, and the voices of his mother and father.
He repeatedly went over and over it all in his head, the hideous things that had been happening just being in the presence of Sebastian Ross, perhaps he wanted to be by himself. He looked miserable to what he had seen and reminisced back to what he could have done then actually tried stopping Sebastian at the time. In some way he perhaps were tired of it all.






They spoke about what happened a few years ago when Trividy came to them looking for Joanna, when suddenly they heard a man and woman arguing violently outside their window. They listened for a while, then decided they had to do something. When they finally went out to see if they were OK because after a bit of shouting other neighbours came out, too, and the man calmed down. Little did they know, that the man and woman were silent because Trividy had in the time he had looked for Joanna, decided to slit their throats; in some way they didn't want him near them because he was really unpredictable and reckless. It took just
one person to go into their room and ask what was going on. And to their surprise they witnessed the lack of empathy Trividy had, they witnessed the man had no remorse when acting in such vile and vicious ways.



Perhaps he decided he had enough.



It was then where Paperface suggested he wanted to stay on his own and without arguing or debating the matter, his father Zayn drove him and his sister off to another mansion that looked more like a hostel.


When they stepped foot in the hostel he then saw the victims of his twisted family who had these insane and sadistic fantasies were
kidnapped as they were led to their death unknowingly. It was right after they had committed such heinous acts and performed it on their victims, the prodigal son returned home, but Paperface went to stay in a hostel owned by his grandfather, Ishmael 'The Fisherman" Hill, but ran by his mother and father who had bailed him out of prison. Now in this hostel that he owned, his parents did not stay in the hostel, however he insisted that he'd stay there, because he does not yet know them, however since it was basically true, his parents saw it only fit that he'd stay in the hostel, but his sister suggested that she'd join him, so that he doesn't feel alone. What Paperface didn't know was that within this hostel, they had their victims check in and give their passport to the desk clerk named 'Hartley" who upload the images to their website. From the moment the photos were placed, the clients (mostly referred as members) would start bidding on the victims. This bid didn't take too long and the highest bidder gets the victim. The client or clients had to travel to the Krause Family home to claim their price. If they didn't come to the Krause Family house, they'd lose their right and will the other members a second chance to bid.


Once they'd arrive, Zayn Krause and other fellow serial killers who stayed with his family, would provide the clients with the best services in a hotel while his son and a few of his friends would kidnap the victims.




Once kidnapped, the clients were informed of it then they would go to the facility. There, they'd choose the tools they desire to use to torture their victims they bought.

They were a very distinct type of family who believed in the unity of a family and killing together, so for Paperface this was all new; they were a dynasty of serial killers.



It was also possible that the Krause Family members chose their own torture devices. Then, they would dress up. And they'd wear these pitch black jumpsuits, with leather caps and a leather apron but in Sebastian Ross's mansion it was a whole new different ball game, the man went to real extreme measures and the fisherman would have his minions who were all female, all wear the same clothes numbered in alphabetic form, from A to Z. He'd have them who did his bidding originally wear only a maroon cloak and have them seconds later even go completely naked. And all this for his own amusement.

But life outside of prison were a bore to him.

Zayn Krause had this habit of having his victims, or offering, as he liked to call them, choose how they wanted to be dressed, and if they were chained in a chair, he'd have them lay
on a stretcher or chained on a crucifix. Then he and his entire family would feast in the pleasure of tearing someone apart, limb to limb.

The Krause Family had only two rules: no one would leave without killing and no one would leave without being a member or becoming a member of the 'Reaping." Their last rule was only for the rich victims as they needed money to become members. When one or more victims escaped without becoming members, he or she would be hunted and decapitated. His or her head would become but another trophy or sivouneer in their room of a thousand boneheads. This black painted room had wreaked of death.

But Paperface's uncle on his mother's side also ran a hostel owned by his grandfather. But they didn't use a hostel to attract victims but rather a boarding school and the most but what they really aspired to achieve by having young students attend their boarding school was to train other young pupils to be just like them, although in some way it was difficult to teach a few without killing a bunch.
The concept of this facility/ boarding school was slightly different.

Complete in style of the Fisherman, as he would've wanted it; the members would bet on
the success of a student who'd survive the agonising training of other serial killers. And when the students would survive, the members would pay the Krause family a large sum of money only to have these students as an apprentice. The Krause family would send them a disc, whereby they'd be able to be up to date with what their future apprentice(s) were doing.

When successful, they'd have these apprentices kill victims of their choosing, then look from
behind a glass how a victim was tortured by their apprentices and when intrigued by what they witnessed they'd at times choose to participate to the 'coffin game."
Paperface did not know that he'd soon witness how things were run by his family who were zero-emphatetic and sadistically insane.

These people was fond of betting which tool the torturer/ apprentice would use and which threats or pleads the victims would try to escape the horrible fate. These two bets were connected
with a time limit, the torturer/apprentice had to use the torture tool in 5 minutes after the bet was
made and the same counted for the pleads
and the threats. The 'coffin games' could variate, it depended on the torturer/apprentice.

When the last 'Reaper' had been proven to a client, it was very likely the torturers/apprentices were members who paid a reduced amount of money to torture and kill their victims either with a live audience whom were all serial killers or privately , yet at times this remained unconfirmed.

The Reaper, dressed like weird looking creature, tortured and killed these victims with a hook while the audience would bet, which weapon would be deadly. Paperface found this place even more disturbing. Something was happening to him and he had no idea what was occurring currently.



There laid a young lady strapped to a table and his sister smiled as she were on the verge of punishing her victim. It ended with the young lady's death.


IT WAS THEN WHEN PAPERFACE UNDERSTOOD THAT THE THING HE WAS LOOKING FOR ALL HIS LIFE WAS A CERTAIN '