Can i see you again?

There she was
buried
under a flowery hood
in a closed casket
she laid there
never to move again
dead.
I fought back the tears
i tried not to  cry
but the harder that i tried
the more the tears would well up
and the more i would cry later.
my dark mask was fading
disintegrating quick
my bitter hatred and
my tender remorse
had finally broken
in that hot summer sun
i cried out your name
but any recognition
that could have been found
was drowned
in my sweet
silky tears of blood.
this death was no suicide
you didnt take your own
you gave me the gun
made me pull the trigger
and put me on the run.
but what was i left
life would be empty with out you
i decided to make this my last trip
my last mistake
my final choice.
i still held the gun
to this day
at your funeral
a week after your demise
i still held it,
and all the extra rounds
but id only need one
to get this job done
and let the others watch me fall.
i was hesitant
your family demanded closer
they would get what they wanted most
the death of the one who killed you.
I hope they find this note
the one in my pocket
ill let them read it to see what i have to say.
now ill end this pitiful existence
three
two
one
the gun clicks
i pull it again
another click
"Don't you dare cheat me"
escaped my mouth
before the bullet left my head
my body lied over your casket
your killer was finally dead.

the note that i had
went unnoticed
the jacket i wore was stolen
or burned
your parents never got the message i had hoped
they would receive.
Now my existence is a much worse fate
im stuck in the ground
i can only speak in hate
or in pain
of a quickly numbing brain
I loved you
why did you make me pull it
why did you die
why was i meant to live
now i only hope
that i
can see you again.