Should move on...

Walking in the rain
trying to find a shed,
tears running down the cheeks
mixing with the drops of rain,

Heart keeps beating
still feeling the pain,
more tears came in my eyes
as I hear you calling my name,

But I know I can't look back
even though you keep promising me,

That you won't hurt me again,

will never make me cry,

will always protect me from the dark,

But how can I trust you now
after you broke my heart?

I'm walking in the rain
trying to find a shed,
stop trying to pull me back
'coz all love is now gone,

I'm trying to move on
and I think you should do the same...

Reviews

[Marc Marlon Villaflor]

Very strong and the emotion is everywhere, it is a moving piece. It's better to end, rather than stay and you will hurt over and over again. I am been in this situations before, then I decided not to turn my back as I walked down the road. The best thing here is, we try to re-create our broken dreams and find a better person that 100% would return our love.

[Dakshta]

Thanks Marc, I'm glad you liked it :) And I agree, it really is better to end instead of getting hurt again and again..

[Akshat♥]

Well Firstly i should tell you that I love rain :)
Best part about is that you can cry easily :(
no one see you crying..
love is never easy...love the one who deserves it..
Lovely write :)

[Dakshta]

Thanks so much for the review :)

btw I love rain too :)

[Akshat♥]

Glad to hear that ;)
You are welcome :P

[Dakshta]

;)

[Akshat♥]

hehe :P

[Dakshta]

seriously? Hehehe? :D

[Akshat♥]

yes seriously :D

[Dakshta]

u do know that's kind of girly right? :D

[Akshat♥]

hahaa...it is not fixed that if someone says 'hehe'..tht means the person is a girl ..

[Dakshta]

ah well...

[Wórdsmíth]

That's pretty nice

[Dakshta]

thanks :)

[Pankaj Lohia]

niceee poem. i can relate it to myself with this.

[Dakshta]

Thanks :)

[James Hanna-Magill]

Dear Dakshta

I rather like the humour of your profile. But, with a smile, I am not that easily shooed away!

Style: Often when I write my own pieces and put them on here, or even if I don't, I will go back and edit them because I stumble upon, in a rare moment of lucidity, a better way of expressing what I am trying to say.

I do not think there is that much you need do here. It works well.

However, just a few suggestion: Perhaps you might look at making the verses the same length and metre? Not essential. I always think the only reason for rules in writing is deliberately to break them. But something to think about.

I loved the deliberate but marginally varied first lines of the first and last stanzas. You end as you begin:

"Walking in the rain
trying to find a shed"

And maybe therein a metaphor for protection as well as just a shed?

The topic of lost love, deceit and bitterness is often the subject matter of poetry, but in the way you express it, you make it different, yours, your own.

Thank you for sharing.

I liked this piece.

Keep on writing. Please do.

With my kindest regards

James

[Dakshta]

well I'm glad you liked it James :)

[James Hanna-Magill]

Entirely my pleasure

[❤ Maggie ❤..]

Very nice!

[Dakshta]

Thanks! :)

[❤ Maggie ❤]

:)