Not the one i used to be...

The sun is all bright and shiny
just the way it used to be,
the birds on the tree are singing
in the morning breeze,

I'm walking down the road
with a cup of coffee,
Life is going just the same
as it used be,

I'm laughing,

I'm smiling,

Waving to everyone I see on my way,

I'm dancing, like a little kid,
I'm singing, like the birds on that tree,

But all this is just cover
to hide the girl beneath,
the one who is screaming and crying
in the corner of a dark room,
and in hands have a broken piece of heart

The sun is all bright and shiny
just the way it used to be,
the birds on the tree are singing
in the morning breeze,

I'm walking down the road
but I'm no longer the one I used to be...

Reviews

[James Hanna-Magill]

Dear Dakshta

What an intriguing poem!

I shall try and make this a structured review. It may be shorter than my norm, though I suspect neither of us will find out until I have got to the end of it!

Style: There is much to like here. Your attractive repetitions and the beginning and end:

The sun is all bright and shiny
just the way it used to be,
the birds on the tree are singing
in the morning breeze,

I'm walking down the road'

But your deliberate switch of meaning after you use each:

First:

'I'm walking down the road
with a cup of coffee,
Life is going just the same
as it used be,'

Last:

I'm walking down the road
but I'm no longer the one I used to be...'

But lurking between the switch is the real meaning of your poem inherent in both its title and last line - 'No longer the one I used to be'. The real meaning?

'But all this is just cover
to hide the girl beneath,
the one who is screaming and crying
in the corner of a dark room,
and in hands have a broken piece of heart'

Now those in themselves are strikingly powerful words!

As a reader I wonder what specifically has happened to you to make you have such a dark view of life, compared with the brightness all around you? But I need not know. There is a tragedy in your life here I am simply left to ponder over.

However there is something much more profound here, an aspect of the human condition, that every day many of us merely put on a bright façade to hide the sadness and anguish within. It is appearance versus reality.

I have said this before but I will say it again.

Do you ever walk down the high-street on a busy day with people bustling all around and, when not watched, look into the eyes of the people who pass you by in the street and wonder, what lies behind them, what are they really feeling, what daily joys or sadness are they really experiencing? What lies behind the façade?

Maybe it is the writer in all of us. The people watcher.

And in your on poem you express the dissonance that may exist between appearance and reality so well.

I find this well written.

Bravo.

With my kindest regards


James Hanna-Magill

[Dakshta]

Wow that was the shortest review I have ever seen...Haha... Well as we walk down the road we might have this feeling to look in those eyes and see what lies they are hiding..but it would be kind of scary if we ever see them coz well who knows what they might have suffered through or god knows what they might be hiding behind that mask...

Thanks so much for your review James, I'm glad you liked the poem :)

[James Hanna-Magill]

Dear Dakshta

I know what you mean about 'scary.'

The review was my pleasure.

As for brevity, I never have any idea how long it is going to be until I've stopped. Not that that helps either because then I think of something else I might usefully say and it still hasn't!

Best wishes and with a smile

James

[Marc Marlon Villaflor]

Love how vibrant the story start, and how it unfolded the unexpected change in the end, clever and captivating words. Some lesson we learned that life is a constant change. The world is turning and changing everyday! Good vibes and fresh poem. Keep writing!

[Dakshta]

Thanks, I'm glad you liked it :) And I agree, world indeed is changing everyday..